Feel unable to leave house with new baby

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

DD is 2 an a half weeks old and if she cries I try to figure out what she needs and give it to her. Problem is if we are out of the house with her in the sling and she cries I can't fix it right away so I turn around and head home (I only take her on walks out from the house at the moment because of this)

I feel a bit useless as a mum, because I feel I should be getting out and about and shopping and visiting people. Am I expecting too much of myself and DD at this age? Please say yes because I can't bear to let her cry.

(Of course I am also shallow enough to be really worried about what other people think when she's crying in public)

I'm not really sure what response I want/will get from you, but I hope you can make me feel more positive

It's very early days. There is no need for you to be out and about if you don't feel like it.
Could you have friends over instead?
Or take a short walk in a local park?
Honestly, don't worry too much, just take your time and enjoy bonding with the baby.
Anything more that that can wait

I had a c-section and so couldn't drive for 6 weeks, and I am not sure I went out at all in that time, apart from to my Mum's. Don't feel under any pressure to go anywhere - you just stay right at home with your baby.

Two and a half weeks is really early!! I barely left the house for the first month!! All this nonsense about getting out and seeing people puts pressure on new mums. Sit on the sofa, watch TV and admire your new baby!! You'll soon be able to work out when she is going to want things and anticpate it so you can be prepared if you want to go out. One of the things I would do was go to a local coffee shop (with a bottle just in case) and have a coffee and read the paper - it helps to build confidence. Or a shopping mall is good too as if you really, really need something and have forgotten it there is usually somewhere to buy whatever you need!!

How about a postntal group, or a Baby Cafe? All the childbirth/breastfeeding charities run them. There's usually at least a couple local to you, everyone there will be or will have been in the same boat as you, and nobody will judge you. I found my NCT PN group a complete lifesaver with my first. And fun, too!

Most people know that babies cry. Most looks you will get will be sympathy or shared pleasure at having a LO.

It is important to get out of the house. You need the gentle exercise. You need the change of perspective. It's not helpful to stay at home and worry.

Take your time and enjoy getting to know your baby.

sounds to me like you are a bit too worried about her crying.. she won't die from crying

it is probably just too early days for you and you will soon know exactly what your baby needs when she cries which will then help you feel much more confident in going out. just take your time and relax

Echoing everyone who's said it's really early days. Once she has more of a routine, you'll find it easier as you can time outings e.g. go to a baby group when she's awake and alert and then go for a walk afterwards so she can sleep.

Don't forget that, to you, your DD's cry will go right through you and you can't ignore it. For other people though, they'll barely notice it. People expect babies to cry!

If you don't want to go out then don't. If you do want to go out then do, people don't mind about babies crying - it happens.

With DS1 I used to try to figure out what was wrong with him when he cried. With DS2, I feed him when he cries. This appears to stop 99% of crying.

I found it immensely helpful to me to get out of the house with a new baby every day. I always felt far more positive if I did that and if I skipped a day, or a couple of days, I would start to feel more down and stressed. Often this was just going to the coffee shop rather than anything particularly constructive.

If you are going out because you feel you should be, rather than because you are getting anything out of it for yourself, then yes, you're expecting too much of yourself. When you have a 2.5 week old baby you don't need to do things that don't work for you and your baby just because you think that outsiders would say you "should" be doing them.

I would say in general, though, that a 2.5 week-old is generally crying because she is hungry, has a dirty nappy, is tired or is just feeling a bit lost and confused. Feeding her and changing her nappy can fairly easily be done while you're out, and walking around with her in the sling is normally a good way to reassure babies and/or get them to sleep. So you maybe need to work gradually on your self-confidence that you can fix what's wrong just as well outside the house as you can inside, but you don't need to rush that just because you feel you ought to be doing a full weekly shop. Take little steps.

I felt so trapped and lonely for the first 7 months of having my baby. And I used to get the same panic in shops. I used to think everyone was annoyed at me for letting the baby cry. But it's not true, most people don't care because it isn't their problem, and they know you've not done anything wrong, babies cry, that's just how it is! Especially new babies that often have colic. Do you give her infacol?

I would get in touch with some friends and be honest about how hard you find it. Ask them to come and spend some time with you, even if it's to let you sleep for a few hours or let you go for a walk or a shop on your own.

There is absolutely no need to go out if you don't want to. Some women spend most of the fist year just in the house.

But having a buggy and even just going to the park or a walk around the block, can really help your own well being.

And remember, this is the most important bit. IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER, BUT IT ISN'T!

Soon your baby will be a toddler, you'll feel better about going to play groups, your baby will be more distracted and you'll get some you time back.

My self esteeem went down because I felt I couldn't even brush my teeth, go to the loo or have a shower. It would take me forever to get out the door.

You must remember, you can put your baby down in a safe cot or travel cot. Or bouncer if she's small and you can strap her in. It is fine as long as she is fed, changed and watered, to leave her for 5 to 10 minutes while you jump in the shower or brush your hair. She may well scream her head off, but that most often doesn't mean there is anything wrong. It's usually because she wants to be king of the castle and she's demanding your every second of attention. You need to show her who the boss is. Most second children are better behaved because they don't get as much attention.

I used to take my baby into the bathroom so I could still see him. Then at least I knew he was crying for no good reason and I could carry on with my well needed shower.

It is also fine to be in a shop and your baby be crying. Most people have had children and won't be bothered about it. They know how hard it is. The people that haven't had children don't have the same instict to hear a baby crying, and they often don't even notice it.

If it does bother them, they are in the minority. Please never let that stop you going out and about if you so want to.

You must do what you feel is best and what you feel comfortable with. There's no should about getting out and about and visiting people. You do what you want. If you're not up to it, don't do it.

If you go out and find you want to go back home, go back home. If that makes you happy.

For want of a better phrase, it's all baby steps with learning to be a mum. Your confidence will grow slowly but surely.

When I had my first, I must have lounged around the house in my pyjamas for at least ten days. We had a very nice time.

Nobody is looking at your crying baby and tutting. Nobody is looking at you at tutting. It's actually sometimes disheartening how disinterested people are in babies and mums. But I can understand feeling self conscious.

Take heart, be kind to yourself and take it slowly. There is no rush.

Don't go out if you find it nerve-racking. There'll come a point when you will really want to go out, and be able to cope with whatever happens when you are out. Don't rush it. It's really early days.

It took me a couple of weeks to venture out, I think, but only went because my mum was with me, and I think it was probably a couple of months before I started going out regularly.

Thanks all for the responses. I'm going to relax and enjoy DD and not feel like we should be able to go out - I'm sure DP can handle the shopping on his own for a while longer .

I don't feel at all trapped - I'm loving pottering about the house or spending hours watching DD sleep in my lap - I'll stop worrying about what other people think

It took me until about week 5 to feel that I was ready to take on the outside world by myself. We have an amazing coffee shop round here called Mocha Mama where mums go with there babies. It didn't matter if they cry or need changing because it is a safe environment to learn how to cope. Don't be too hard on yourself as everything is so new. Why not find your nearest Surestart and go to stay and play. This might help ease you into the outside world.

Congratulations on your bundle.

I remember very well the first time i went out with the pram to go the baby clinic. By the time I left the house I was a bundle of nerves!!! This was when she was 6 weeks!!

Trust me it gets much much easier as you will get the hung of it as you get along.
I used to make doc app etc around sleeping time and poo poo time! Would not have known what to do if she poos in the waiting room!

I smile at myself now....

You will be absolutely fine!

absolutely agree with HopeCavalry - you don't have to immediately jump to the moment your LO cries - never understood the "I can't have a shower" thing. either wait for nap time or put DC down in cot.it only takes two secs to have a shower and makes you feel SO much better. I had C Sec but went out both with and without DS within a week I think cos it made me feel better. Anyway, as to going out, pack your changing bag and just go. Most places have facilities and so long as you have a mat you can change LO on the floor. if you are bottle feeding, the easiest thing is to take a little box of ready made formula (and scissors) with you, that way there i no faff with temperature issues. you will be fine, most people are lovely and if they are not, just say "what? its a baby, it cries!" Best of luck and enjoy your new baby

Just wanted to say about the baby crying in public: I'm sure no one would bat an eyelid, and if you think they are staring at you, they are probably staring at your gorgeous little newborn and admiring her.

Also, you might think your own baby's cry is really loud (disturbing everyone within a 5 mile area), and it goes right to your heartstrings, but newborn crying is actually surprisingly quiet to everyone else.

It's really very early days. I don't remember going anywhere with my DD until she was three weeks old, and that was just a very short excursion to a shop to buy two sweaters - DD was born in November and I suddenly started feeling very cold once she was born, and of course I had no nice winter clothes and was really desperate!

You poor thing - I remember this feeling so well!

Take it gradually. Is there a cafe close by that you could go and have a coffee? At 2.5 weeks even popping for milk is an achievement!

I wouldnt leave the house for ages as I was scared the baby would cry and I wouldnt know how to deal with it. Gradually I became more relaxed and now I don't give a hoot!

I was just reading trixie123 post and it made me laugh. I changed a smelly nappy in Newlooks changing rooms today while trying on clothes. I was gonna ask but they would only have said no. he he.

Congratulations on your DD!

Don't worry too much about getting out of the house, do open windows though to make sure you gety some fresh air.

Also, don't put yourself under pressure to go and see people - I don't think I visited anyone until DD was about 6 weeks old! I remember in the early days, she used to start crying in the middle of Sainsburys - I got to the till, and the woman looked at me kindly, smiled and said 'hungry, is she? She'll survive' - I think it was a bit of a revelation for me!

My only journey for agesd was to Starbucks, for my hazelnut latte treat, and straight back home to drink it while BFing. It gave me a bit of normality, and I felt like I was being really indulgent!

Be kind to yourself and enjoy your precious DD x