Has anyone had a third baby and regretted it?

[muriel76]

I'm really torn about a 3rd child and whether to have one.

I have a lot of friends with a third and of course they say they have never regretted it, would not change it etc

I would be interested to hear someone with the opposite view if there is anyone?

My main concerns are financial, whether I have the patience and also my health as I already have a prolapse which is going to need a repair op.

Also child care as we will have to pay this time round which we did not have to for my two sons (now 5 and 7)

I know they are slightly shallow reasons esec when written down.

I always thought I would have more than 2 but now it is cruch time (ish) I feel really undecided.

Thanks for any replies

It was a LOT harder than I expected. But mine were closer in age (3 under 5).
I think with your age gap you'd find it mostly a huge amount easier, but not if you want to continue working; sorry, but I know few mums of 3+ who manage to work!

It is very hard, to be honest, but I had 3 under 4 and one has SN, so it was like 3 under 3. Definitely worth it though

I have 3. 6, 4 and 8 months. I've just gone back to work. Its no harder returning to work than when I had two dcs. My house is a tip though!!!! No regrets here!!!

If the urge isn't a strong desire i'm not sure why you would consider it imo. I know of people you have strongly wanted the third and loved it an also people who have fallen pregnant with their third accidently and agin loved it BUT not anyone who has Hummed and Arrrred over having a third. To me you either want a third or you don't.

I don't have opp. view, but thought I would add my tuppence worth anyway!
We have 3 - 9,7.5 and 2yrs. We dithered about it for quite some time. I felt 'unfinished' but it seemed kind of crazy as everything was so settled (girls independent, no pushchair, everything humming along). Went for it in the end and it has been wonderful for all involved.
I had baby when I was almost 39. I would say that my body hasn't bounced back in quite the same way as with other 2, but it has been basically okay. We have also had to pay for childcare with her when we didn't for other 2, which has also been okay. We don't take expensive holidays is the main thing.
The other girls have got so much out of it, and we all love her. I feel more patient 3rd time around, and more able to enjoy her.
I think if it is something that you keep thinking about, I would listen to that voice. Practical things can be harder, but they can be got around.

It is a strong desire - didn't make that clear in my first post!

It just feels like it needs weighing up so much more than having first and second did - with them I didn't even think twice about it.

That's why I asked the question.....

Thank you for all replies, jennifersophia you have really given me food for thought, thank you

Thanks for all the replies

I hum and arr over having a third, muppets. I want a third, but worry that things are great at the moment with DS and DD and the family dynamic and I might just spectacularly louse things up by throwing an extra child into the mix, so that all three of them would hold it against me forever. And financially both our work situations are shaky, so financially there would be better times to do it, but given my age I don't have huge amounts of time to play with.

So far I tend to spend the first half of each month focusing on all the reasons I do want a third, and the second half of each month fretting about the practical arguments against. I am well aware that human biology being what it is this is likely to result in a DC3 sooner or later .

I am also very encouraged to read jennifersofia's post, as those are largely the things I'm fretting about too.

I think you understand me PLISLS!!

If I was a millionaire and did not have to work I would have 4 at least....

Mind you I would also want a top surgeon on hand to put my girly bits back together properly this time my health is a big factor in the debate.

Muriel - I was in a very similar situation to you, older ones 3 and 6, feeling as though things were getting easier etc. But then there was that niggle.......

I never wanted three earlier on, I was happy with my 2 girls, but the doubt was always there and age was against me too, and it was a case of now or never. Roll on to today and my 3 are now 9, 6 and 2 (all girls, which I was relieved about to keep family dynamics easier) and I will admit to finding it hard - not the pregnancy or sleepless nights, but the sheer impossibility of splitting myself in 3, I always feel as though i am not giving each of them enough attention no matter what I do; I find myself saying "No we cant bake/read/make perfume/whatever now as X will want to join in" and they understand, but I do find the splitting myself in 3 hard and I occasionally find myself thinking life would have been so much easier with two - I hope this doesnt make me sound like a selfish cow and ungrateful for having 3 beautiful children but it is the reality. I hope this hasn't put you off, but I wanted to put forward the other side of the argument. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thanks LC, you don't sound selfish at all and it is good to hear the other side...that is very much the kind of thing I worry about so to know the reality can come true is good food for thought.

Thanks for the honesty!

I have 3 aged 6, 4 and 18 months and I would mirror what lovecheese said. My eldest is at school so most the day is ok with just one or two children but after school is usually immensely stressful and sometimes pretty horrid! Eldest DD needs individual attention to help with homework and to work through all those complex friend issues at school so she is grumpy and tired, DS is tired and usually bouncing off the walls and generally annoying his big sister and youngest DD is running around emptying cupboards and trying to stick kitchen untensils in plug sockets! It is really hard meeting all of their needs when they are together and I am on my own. BUT I wouldn't change it. Op's children are a bit older and I'm not trying to put you off but perhaps just think of ways to cope and help you could get during the stressful times of the day. I am trying to persuade DH to hire a mother's help! Expensive but probably worth it for my sanity!

I sort of agree with lc and bojangles.
I had my 3rd boy 8 months ago...I adore him, I really do, hes the easiest sweetest little thing, we are all mad about him. But it has made my life much harder than it was, I am a penniless student in a tiny house and everything is so much harder and more expensive with three.
I wouldn't give him back for anything, but I do have to honestly say that for all practical purposes it was a terrible idea. On the plus side he is the easiest of the lot of them and I couldn't have asked for a lovlier baby, so I would change nothing.

Bojangles- your lot sound like mine!! (6, 4 and 2.6!)

I have to be honest and say I now feel far more stressed and have far less patience since I went from 2 to 3 But I wouldn't change it (and I'm sure it will get easier as they get older...)

Thanks you three, that is interesting, it's good to hear from the other side.

Another thing I wonder about is laundry, we have a horrific amount now so goodness knows how much we would have with a third child, it would never end!