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Parenting

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Original poster

It takes forever to leave friends houses

24 replies

othersideofthechannel · 15/05/2010 17:47

Any ideas to speed things up a bit please, from parents who avoid rewards/punishments.

I don't mind a few minutes extra to finish the game/because it's hard when fun comes to an end.

But it is getting ridiculous. Kids got in the bath an hour later than planned.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cyb · 15/05/2010 17:49

'can you put your shoes on before I count to...'

'First one by the door gets to choose story tonight...' Or is that a reward?

there is nothing wrong with getting cross with children who arent doing what you ask them do, is there?

LynetteScavo · 15/05/2010 17:51

Tell them we are leaving in ten minutes...five minutes....2 minutes...were going. Then be firm and drag them.

I doubt friend wanted you hanging around for another hour.

LIZS · 15/05/2010 17:53

Give them five minutes notice and then make to go, insisting if you have to (carry shoes etc if needs be). Tell them friend has ot have tea/go our/ have bath or nap NOW and ask other parent to concur !

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BertieBotts · 15/05/2010 17:54

Can they tell the time yet? How about "Girls, I know you are having a lovely time, but we will be leaving when the little hand reaches the 3."

Warnings 20, 10 and 5 minutes before you are going are a good idea too.

blametheparents · 15/05/2010 17:54

I do the counting to 10 thing too.
I also have a chat with the kids before we even go in to remind them of the behaviour I expect when we are leaving.
Not saying it's perfect, but it's getting better.
i think 4, 5, 6 are the worst ages for this.

BertieBotts · 15/05/2010 17:56

Oh yes and good idea about saying "X has to have her tea now" or some other reason like "We have to go to the shop on the way home and it closes at 4"

Original poster

othersideofthechannel · 15/05/2010 17:56

We weren't there a whole hour extra, some of it was high spirits once we got home. But you're right, even 15 mins extra is rude.

I can pick up DD but I would hurt DS if I was to drag him. He usually holds onto something when he doesn't want to go.

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Original poster

othersideofthechannel · 15/05/2010 17:57

DS is 7 and DD is 5.

OP posts:

SixtyFootDoll · 15/05/2010 17:57

If you dont do as your told and leave now , you wont be asked to play here again.

blametheparents · 15/05/2010 18:22

I think your 7 year old should def understand the 'you are a big boy, I expect you to act nicely when I say it is time to go. If your sister does not want to go then you show her how good you can be by getting your shoes on a getting ready to go'
Works for me with my two, but then they are all different!

Morloth · 15/05/2010 18:33

I do a 5 minutes heads up.

And then we leave after 5 minutes.

thisisyesterday · 15/05/2010 18:38

i do "we're leaving in 5 mins"
then "ok shoes on it's time to go"
will physically put shoes onto any i can, if i can't then i get myself ready and walk out the door!

Original poster

othersideofthechannel · 15/05/2010 18:39

He understands that blametheparents, but the excitement/frustration gets the better of him when it is time to go.

I try not to give them 'fake' reasons/explanations. Other child is an only so they are always welcome.

I have resorted to punishment in that we have another invitation which I have refused because I got so frustrated tonight and I can't go through it again soon. They know about this.

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Original poster

othersideofthechannel · 15/05/2010 18:39

thisisyesterday, would your children follow. If I walk off, mine don't.

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CoupleofKooks · 15/05/2010 18:40

telling them they won't be able to go again if they don't leave on time, is not a punishment, IMO, it really is a necessity, as you aren't going to put your friend in the position of having house guests who won't leave

cyb · 15/05/2010 18:41

other side I think you need to practice your cross/firm voice and attitude ,he ignores you because he knows he can by the sounds of it

MamaG · 15/05/2010 18:45

I don't really understand avoids rewards/punishments

cyb · 15/05/2010 18:46

My whole parenting style hinges on rewards and punishments.

As does life, non?

MamaG · 15/05/2010 18:47

lol me too cyb

BertieBotts · 15/05/2010 18:50

How about some kind of problem solving thing like in "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen..." - get him to sit down at another time and explain the problem - he wants to play longer, and you understand it's hard to stop something when you are having fun, and wouldn't it be great if it went on forever, but it can't because you both have other things to do (maybe continue in this vein, giving wishes "in fantasy" ie imagine if we all lived in the same house all the time, wouldn't that be a squash, etc etc for a while)

Then when you have identified that he would like to stay and play, but you have other things to do/you can't stay there all the time/it makes bath time late/etc, ask him what he thinks you should do. You write down all your ideas (His and yours, and DD's if you feel she is old enough to join in) even the ridiculous ideas, like if he does say "Let's all live in a big house together all the time" and then when you have all the ideas together you cross out the ones which are impossible/unworkable and look at the remaining ones and try to come to some kind of compromise.

(Disclaimer my DS is much younger so this is all in theory!)

thisisyesterday · 15/05/2010 18:51

they tend to osotc yes
i have 3 though, so i can say "right i'm leaving" as i go to put the baby in the car or whatever and still be back to help the eldest get his shoes on and then go. we'll see how long it lasts for

i don't think it hurts to say something along the lines of:

"it's a bit rude to overstay our welcome, so when i say time to go that means we need to go. If I can't trust you to come with me when it's home time then we won't be able to go to X's house again"

BertieBotts · 15/05/2010 18:53

Oh and sorry, forgot to mention, he will probably forget all about the discussion when he's really excited about playing with his friend and not wanting to leave, so come up with a reminder word or phrase, something very short, like "Five minutes" so you can say "DS, do you remember what we agreed, Five minutes OK?"

Original poster

othersideofthechannel · 15/05/2010 19:37

Thanks, there are some ideas here that I can try next time.

OP posts:

Dancergirl · 16/05/2010 15:11

What I do is when my children go to friends' houses, is talk to them about it BEFOREHAND ,eg on the way to school. I say 'you're going to play at x's house after school and I hope you have a lovely time, but I expect you to put your shoes on/get ready to go when I come to collect you'. Normally works for me.

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