Do you consider age gaps when considering more children ?

[FoghornLeghorn]

We have 3DD's oldest being 5, youngest being 1. DH would love another, I'm not convinced.

There are a few things I am trying to take into consideration. If it was as simple as 'would I be happy with another child' then the answer would be yes - however, I am finding the potential nearly 7 yr age gap from eldest to youngest quite a big thing.

Is a big deal or not ?

I would have thought not, because the gap between your youngest and the next one would not be big so its not as if all are grown then after years and years you have one baby on their own?
It seems normal to me, if you have 4 dc then something like a 7 yrs between the oldest and youngest would be typical wouldn't it? unless you packed them all in 1 every yr?
I really wouldn't worry...
Not that I am in that situation myself i only have 2 and they are close together, but I have brothers with a 6 and 9 years older than me and sister and it was not an issue at all

I'm more in favour of long gaps, i think they lead to less competitiveness between siblings. Siblings are for life not just for childhood. A 9+ year gap isn't going to matter when they're all grown up. I feel sorry for close-together siblings who are always seen as a group rather than individuals.

Health wise, unless you are at an age where you have to consider reduced fertility, gaps between 2 1/2 and 5 years are the best.

In practical terms, the older your existing children are the more they can help with the baby and be babysitters in the future.

Are you saying that 7 years between eldest and youngest is too much? That sounds like a very small age gap for four children! The only issue is, are you prepared to have all the issues that come with very small children (sleep dep/nappies/etc) to be a part of your life for 10 years continously? And the impact on your career, too.

I don't think, with four children, you'd expect the eldest and youngest to be best friends generally. So that age gap is immaterial I'd have thought.

I do think it's a big gap yes - there is a 7 year gap between my eldest brother and I - although we are close now and when we were small children, I remember there being quite a distant relationship between us for quite a few years in the middle which I can only put down to the age difference.

I don't have to talk age/health or fertility into the equation at the moment thankfully.

Maybe, I am making more of it than it is.

my youngest sister is 13 years younger than me

we were inseperable until she was about 7, then we did our own thing for a bit

I think 7 years between eldest & youngest is close for 4 children

Bear in mind that you can never guarantee a good relationship between siblings no matter what age they are.

I suppose for 4 children, it's a small gap really.

Petisa - I think that's what I also worry about. My girls get on brilliantly, 99% of the time other than the normal sisterly arguements every once in a while. I would be worried about upsetting the apple cart as it were

OP, is your Dh hoping for a ds?

my dd's are similar ages to your dc, 5,3,10 months currently. we are aiming for dc4 soon after dd3 is 2 dependant on ttc going well but i would say actually its a very small gap with a brood of that size, 7 years is a big gap but not when its filled with 2 other children!

kalafrisgic, there is no doubt he would love a DS but it certainly isn't the reason for wanting a 4th child. He would love to have a son but qould be equally as happy with another DD

I consider them, yes, but I see bigger gaps as a good thing. If we do have a DC3 there will be at least a 6-year age span from oldest to youngest. I'm one of four and we had a 10.5-year age span from oldest to youngest; DH one of three and they had just over 11 years oldest to youngest.

Seven years covering four children seems like pretty close spacing to me! My grandmother had four in five years (actually five in five years but one twin was stillborn) but I don't think that's generally recommended these days...

OP we have almost the exactly the same age gap and we plan another one or two. Just because children are close in age doesn't mean they will have a close relationship.
Take DH and his brothers brother 1 is 18 months younger and brother 2 is 7 years younger. He can't bare Brother 1 hasn't spoke to him in years, but he's very close to brother 2 and spends loads of time with him.
I have friends with DS aged 8 and DD aged 20 months they are really close her DS loves her so much and loves singing little songs to her, and her DD lights up and time her DB is around.

some of us just don't get the option of choosing an age gap - sometimes you just have to take what you get. Any age gap is good basically!

Am coming round to the fact that it's maybe not as bigger deal as I initial thought. Just lots of other 'issues' to consider now

I considered the minimum gap I could imagine dealing with (18 months) and that I had been finally signed off by the consultant and physio post DD's forceps birth and told there was no reason to wait ttc.

Then I added in the unknowns of likely early menopause and unknown fertility and we started ttc. Second month worked and DC2 will be here in 3 and a bit weeks with a 19month gap.

I never presumed I could plan it neatly, with DC1 or DC2 - have a couple of friends who have been ttc #2 for a while now and it's not happening.

Oh I have no preconceptions that it's really that simple and that you always have a say over these things. We were TTC DD1 for 11 months, DD2 I fell pregnant straight away.

Didn't mean to offend anyone