feel like hubbys doign EVERYTHING wrong!!!

[glasgowmandy]

this is terrible but im getting so fed up with the other half, hes a great dad, totaly dotes on my 7 month old, but last night i wanted to actually smash his face in because he does things with her that just rile me right up.. i.e when he was feeding her he lays her on a pillow and just holds the bottle to her instead of holding her!! then when burping her, he gives her a dummy first then just sorta taps her bum! i tell him hes not doign it right but he gets annoyed, i feel bad saying it but its so annoying! why wont he listen! then during the night if she wakes, i always give her her dummy hodl her hand, keep very quiet, i dont make much eye contact and just wait till she drops off.. hubby no! he gets up picks her up starts paying with her!! ah!!!!!! then im up half the night! whats wrong with men???? x

Firstly if he picks her up and starts playing with her I'd say he gets to do the rest of the night don't you think?

As far as the other things go I can see why you'd want him to cuddle her and burp her properly but in the interests of a happy relationship it might be better to let those things go. It isn't really doing her harm because she's getting cuddles from you and from him at other times and if she really needs to burp at this age she just will.

I have to ask whether your feelings are about something a bit deeper. Is your relationship a bit rocky which is making you less tolerant of each other (and making him enjoy winding you up)? Or are you feeling a bit depressed which is making you feel a bit over-sensitive about how your daughter is parented?

you may have hit the nail on the head there, just get a bit frustrated with him, im tired with her all day, and he comes home and just plays for an hour before bed and shes alwasy laughing with him, and she dosnt with me so much! its not even just him, its his mum, she annoys me although shes amazin! the other day she gave her a bit of toast and she chocked on it, i wanted to gauge her eyes out! and i hate her taking her off me.. i think im just a bit sensitive about things, is every mum this way? ima first time mum x

A lot of us are this way I think!

Dh has always done things right with dd as far as I can remember, but woe betide anyone who picked her up clumsily or tried to chuck her about when she was 3months old...

Fortunately we were both very protective and would snarl at people together.

Tbh I don't think I was very comfortable with anyone but me or dh picking her up. As she got older and more mobile it didn't matter so much.

Don't worry, you're not too bonkers and you will be fine.

I do understand how you feel, but I think you need to relax a bit for all your sakes. I'm no saint, and I've lost count of the amount of times I wanted in the early days to tell DH or my Ps or other relatives that they were 'doing it wrong'.

However, I came to realise that babies and children respond to different people in different ways, and the more you let them experience different ways of being held, played with, etc., the more adaptable and relaxed they become. That's what I wanted for my child (now 13mo) and that's what I now have. She's not always easy, but I can leave her with almost anyone and she's very relaxed and happy to play with whoever's around. Trust me, that's a big bonus as they grow up!

Admittedly, though, the playing in the night thing is very annoying. Maybe you need to learn to pick your battles. If you're always telling your DP to do things differently he can't be expected to understand what's important and what's not. Also, you need to let him develop a relationship with your baby in his own way, or you risk alienating both of them in the end.

Hope this doesn't sound preachy. Obviously you know it might be an issue, or you wouldn't be posting about it. At least your DP wants to be involved and spend as much time with your dd as possible.

'hes a great dad, totaly dotes on my 7 month old'is it not his 7 month old too?

night thing is annoying but id just say-if thats how you want to play it-then youre staying up with her.pick your battles.some dads dont want to be involved at all.

i know what your all saying, adn you all make a valid point, i just cant help how i feel, i just alwasy think shes safer with me than anyone else, he just frusrates me because he is great with all the playing etc but dosnt take much note of the important things for her, how to feed her properly etc etc, i think i am slightly paranoid, his sister held her when she was not long born and almost dropped her, her head got kinda flung round as she did, and after that i was just so crazy when it came to other people with her, his mum alwasy snatches her off me whenever we see her, only cuz she misses her, but to me theres nothing more horride than having your little baby snatched off you, it makes my blood boil, maybe all these little things have just turned me into a complete nightmare of a mother, feel really shit about it all to be onest but i cant help how i feel. x

Hi

Hear you on the proping up on cushions - like, is it too much effort to actually hold the baby to feed her?!? My DH used to do the same thing and it drove me mad!! And I had a constant running battle with my mother about giving my DD boiled water when she was very small (what is it with 70's mothers and and boiled bloody water?)

I had to let go quite a bit as my DD got older and was less reliant on me for needs. My DH is great but he does do somethings differently - even though he is happy to follow her routine. There were times when I wanted to say "you are doing it wrong" and then stopped myself and thought - not wrong, just different. It is so easy when you spend all day looking after a baby to feel "for fuck sake, all you had to do was xxxx and you can't even do that properly" about your partner - the trick is to (as others have said) pick your battles - most things don't really matter......

The playing with your baby in the middle of the night does need a quiet word about though - that is very annoying.

You do sound though a bit more stressed about it than simply your DH being a bit crap at times. It sounds like a bit of separation anxiety for you i.e. don't feel you can trust anyone with your baby. Is there anyone else except your DH who you trust with your baby (maybe a friend who has had a baby)? You could maybe ask them to look after your baby for a few hours while you go off and do something for yourself and your baby will love having some new attention for a while.

true.. i trust my mum, she cant seem to do anything wrong even though she probably does,. but shes my mum lol, i do leave her with her occassionally and feel better for soign so, i do have seperation anxiety i think ebecause im terrifed of going back to work and the thought of nursery terrifys me more than anything! think i just need to let go a bit and calm the beans!!

Oh goodness, I could kill my husband sometimes.
He comes in from work at 6.30pm, as soon as my 1-yr old sees him he screams in delight and completely wakes up, whereupon DH starts rolling around on the floor playfighting with him. Bedtime at 7pm is never a quiet thing unless DH was delayed at work and unable to get home.

Then in the middle of the night when I have gotten up, sent at least an hour cuddling, walking, soohing his painful gums because his molars hav caused absesses at the back of his mouth, he gives me 'advice' about how to soothe him...this from the bloke who wears ear plugs to bed - weekdays and weekends!

MEN - I do love him though, he just pees me off when I'm tired. eeeeeeeeee

lol i know chick, they can be a nightmare! i love their relationship, but i hate how he gets all the giggles and smiles when ive been trying for 10 hours to get them!!! and the night thing is getting scrapped!! if he keeps her awake again playing im putting him on the side of the bed next to her and he can stay up all night!! aww poor baba with the gums that must be so painful! my wisdom tooth is coming in adn i know how sore that is! poor wee lamb.. big cuddles xxxxx