Feel like crap - bad mother

[hillbilly]

DD nearly 5, was generally messing about in the bath with her brother - lots of soaking each other, snatching, shoving and shouting (sometimes too dangerous I feel) anyway when I got her out against her will she hit me in the face. I marched her to he room shouted very loudly at her and slammed the door leaving her wailing. I went back to her a few mins later and had a serious chat with her.

I hate shouting but find hitting totally unacceptable. What am I doing wrong and how differeently can I deal with it?

BTW ds (2.7) is also going through a hitting biting phase.

Hey your reaction was totally normal. Hitting is totally unacceptable. I don't know that you are doing anything wrong.
My kids are not at the fighting stage yet so not sure how to advise you. All I would say is to decide what is and what isn't acceptable behaviour to you and be consistent in your reactions to every example of the bad behaviour. And of course notice and comment on the good behaviour too. Maybe give them some fun tasks to do together in which they have to co operate and are rewarded for working well together. Can she help him to dress in the morning? Or can they unpack the dishwasher together? (with your supervision).
Hope you get lots of replies. Its a bloody hard job being a parent. Don't be too hard on your self.

I think you did the right thing. I know it feels horrible when you shout at a child, but it's hard not to when they're not listening, and smacking you is completely unacceptable.

Stop beating yourself up. I yelled at DD today for hitting me and put her in her room for five minutes. When kids hit, you tell them no and remove them from the situation so they learn hitting = no fun and also to give you time to calm down and speak to them reasonably about it.

DS is 20 months and into biting. He thinks it's sodding funny. I don't. but he's mightily unimpressed with being plonked on the floor and ignored for 30 seconds.

DS pinching and kicking lots at the minute. He's not yet 2. I haven't shouted yet but I'm getting close, I've had enough.

It's been going on 3 weeks now, being calm & explaining that it hurts/it's not nice doesn't work- he says 'No, funny'. Or 'don't pinch mummy' then does it.

Am out of ideas so will be watching with interest

hairymelons, try picking him up, plonking him in the next room and walking away without speaking. Normally gets the point across. Unless his big sister is shouting 'hahahah you bit mummy, that is so funny, I have almost wet myself'

Sincere apologies for hijack OP, have started a thread but it remains unanswered...

WMMC, will try that one. Have always said something. When I do, he asks for a cuddle straight away which is v disarming- he's not daft. Loving the back up from big sis!

Thanks everyone - I do wish that I could have just put her in her room with the shouting. I really shouted in her face and called her a naughty girl.

She has been playing up recently and I think it is because she sees ds receiving attention for bad behaviour albeit negative attention, so she thinks it's a good way of getting attention from us, and I remember reading a long time ago that from a child's point of view "any attention is better than no attention", so we have been really trying to praise good behaviour and ignore minor outbursts.

I think also that because she recently started school, she might be seeing many different behaviours and is testing them out at home to see what is acceptable and what is not.

No problem hairymelons - comforting to know it's not just us!

I think children do test out behaviours they see in other children just to see what happens. They just need to find out it doesn't work at home then they stop bothering.

I try to work on the principle that for every episode of negative attention mine get two of positive. I don't always manage it but I try.

I don't think it does children any harm to see you hurt and upset occasionally. You're not a robot. You're a person with feelings and they need to understand when they've hurt you. You did the right thing by going and talking to her about it afterwards.

Don't beat yourself up. You sound like a lovely mum who works hard to care for your children. You really shouldn't feel this guilty for losing it a bit occasionally.