Self harming 3 year old....

[jellyhands]

Hi, I have name changed because if anyone recognises me from this post I dont want them reading my other posts!

I have been told today by my childminder and DDs preschool that they have been 'monitoring' her for a while and have become ver concerned about her self-harming and am I concerned about it myself...

I had no idea about any of this so was very upset. Cue feeling sof guilt from working full time rearing their ugly head.

Apparently she often scratches herself when she thinks no one is looking and then gets pretends it was an accident. This week it has got worse and today she stuck a sharp twig up her nose and was plaesed when it bled but pretended it was an accident, she also slammed a chair down on her foot and it has left a nasty mark

Ive only just sat down tonight so havent looked online yet to see if this is common... plus MN always knows best so came her first!

Tonight I asked her if there was anything she was upset or cross about and she said no.

Then I put her in the naughty corner much later on for something unrealated and she deliberatly while she thought I couldnt see, scrathed her back along the bottom bolt on the door that she was sat by and said it was an accident.

Her dad and I have separated when she was a year old. He has just got a new girlfriend who seems very nice but has obviously taken some of her dadies attention away from her.. I wondered if this may be the reason? Shes also starting school and changing childminder in Spetember which she knows about.

i wonder if I shouldnt have told her about these changes when they are so far off but I like to be open with her about changes in her life.

Im so worried I know Im not going to sleep tonight, I jst cant bear the thought of my little angel hurting her little body.

oh no, now Im cryng. What a sap.

Any advice much appreciated.

Does she seem to feel pain?

Do you have any other concerns about her or her development?

I dont think you are being a sap, it must be a really distressing situation.

Thanks. I have only witnessed the door incident tonight and it appeared that although she did feel the pain, she was more interested in my reaction if you know what I mean.

No other concerns... well, she has been a normal if slightly highly strung and fiery (gets it from her mother!) confident and sociable 3 year old until maybe the last few weeks when she seems to shout A LOT and behave in a quite .... stuggles to find word... Aggressive/ irrational way to situations that she would normally take in her stride.

hadnt really analysed it until this news today.

Just bumping this in the hope of some advice today before I have to go to the school as theyve asked to see me about it. Thanks

I've never come across a child of this age self harming.

In your situation I would be very concerned and take advice from professionals.

Does her father know about it?

When you see the school I would try to move things forward. If they are concerned enough to bring you in, then hopefully they will have a plan to help.

See what they say, but in your position I would ask for a copy of their observations (they have had to document incidences before bringing you in) and possibly go to the gp to ask for advice from them too. They may be able to refer you to a child psychologist if necessary. 'Proof' will be crucial to being taken seriously if you want to take things further.

Good luck, and I hope it's just a passing thing.

i would imagine she likes the fuss she gets when she does it

i can't imagine she is doing anything that actually really hurts her, but she likes that you all make a big deal out of it

i would deal with it by just saying "oh dear DD, that's a shame isn't it" and then just carrying on as normal.
make sure she gets plenty of other attention when she isn't doing it too

"Now, what about the child who bangs his head on the floor, or bites himself, or some other dramatic seemingly self-harming behavior. Fine - let him. In twenty years in pediatrics I have neither seen, heard of or even read a case report of a child who seriously injured himself with this sort of behavior. As soon as it really hurts, the child will stop. (This is why we say being a parent is not for the faint of heart.) If you ignore the child at all other times, but respond with cajoling, pleading, "reasoning" or otherwise giving in to these acts of phony self-injury, guess what? You get lots more of them! You will teach your child that if you REALLY want attention around here, just bang your head on the floor... which is obviously not what we want to teach. We want to teach that naughty behavior gets ignored, and quiet behavior gets our attention."

I googled self-harming in toddlers and came across the above info.

Don't know if it will help.

Jelly, my ds is 6 and displays self injurious behaviour. He scratches himself and pull outs his eyelashes.

In December, the scratches became infected and he ended up in hospital on IV antibiotics to prevent septicemia and almost having to have a finger amputated.

Not wanting to be an alarmist, just pointing out this kind of behaviour can result in serious injury.

My understanding is that there are lots of reasons which can 'cause' this behaviour. I wont go into great detail and bore you, but go and see your GP and seek professional help and advice.

Whether she likes the fuss she gets or not, its irrelevant.

I think Id probably talk to HV / GP and try and have plenty quality time with dd where she can talk BUT my ds used to bang his head off things which I suppose is kind of similar - he did it off our wooden floor or walls but when you actually watched him he would slow down before he hit the wall and often also hit it with hsi hand to make a big bang iyswim? He was FAR FAR from starved of attention, but he did it to see if we'd give in to letting him do / have something. Now Im quite a soft mummy so he wasnt often refused things for no reason but if he wanted ot play with the fire for example he would do this when said no!

Does she only do it when she's being disciplined?

Also it would bbe better if YOU went to the HV rather than the school / childminder - why they havent told you about this befoer is beyond me.

Whether she likes the fuss she gets or not, its irrelevant."

It's totally relevant! because if she is doing it to get attention then removing that attention may help stop the behaviour and thus any further risk of greater injury

Thisyesterday, this little girl is causing herself injury and physically marking herself.

I dont think either you or i are qualified to advice anyone that she is doing it for attention.

No wish to get into a debate and take the onus away from OP. In my experience professional advice is usually to distract, not ignore.

i haven't said that the OP should ignore her little girl, nor have I said that this IS attention seeking, just that it sounds as though it could be, in which case not making a massive fuss over it might help

nowehre have I said that she shouldn't seek further help.
ffs, none of us on here are experts.... so should we all ignore the thread??

don't be embarassed.... it isn't your fault you didn't know, and now you do you are doing all you can to make it better.

Thisyesterday, not suggesting that you did say any of the above or that anyone should ignore the thread.

My advice to the OP, was that whether she is doing it for attention or not is irrelevant and she should seek professional advice.

You seem to have taken exception to that.

As i stated earlier, i do not wish to get into an arguement.

yea, because you're saying that a possible cause of this behavoiur is irrelevant.

i don't think it is irrelevant at all, and it could help the OP stop the behaviour

No im saying the cause of this behaviour is not known, thereby making it irrelevant.

Tiy I think all Claw3 is saying is that she has experience of a very similar issue IRL...and from her experience professional help is needed here.

It could be that the cause is far more complex than simply attention seeking.

I think all opinions are valid and helpful, but when someone has RL experience then their advice might come form a more informed perspective. All due respect etc.

It's Ok, don't worry. We have all done that!

Thank you Condemnation, perhaps i didnt explain myself very well.

Thisyesterday i didnt want to go into great detail and appear to be analysing a child i know nothing about.

For example in my personal experience if the 'cause' is frustration, anxiety or even just feeling confused or overwhelmed by the world or situations, ignoring it will just add to the problem. The idea is professionals try to find the 'cause' and treat the cause, thereby improving the behaviour.

As someone has already said on this thread, some children do bang their heads, bite themselves etc, etc, but not to point of actually causing themselves injury.

Jelly, on a more practical note, personally i would be talking to school about what they plan to do about it ie monitoring the behaviour with a view to doing what if it doesnt improve. Also when/what will be the deciding factor of seeking professional advice.

A referral from school for professional advice is a much quicker route, if advice is needed.

Are you still working full time?

Have you got family that can offer support and who are close to her?