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Parenting

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Original poster

Am i a bad mum?

11 replies

confusedmummie · 10/05/2010 12:54

she is only 10 months and i have a lot of stress at the mo and she at the stage of in everything and the other day i really shouted at her felt so guilty and i cried, i feel like im going bonkers sometimes and always getting stressed with her am i a bad parent?

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Mumof2x · 10/05/2010 14:00

Noooo your not a bad mum at all. As parents we all have up and down days and some better than others. When I had my son my daughter was 3 and I found it very hard. I spoke to my GP and in the end I found out I had PND. Now my kids are 4.5 and 1.5 and when im having a down day and get to the point where I think im going to scream and shout I leave the room for 5mins and have a breather. Kids can be really hard work and I think anyone who says they havnt shouted at there little ones would be telling porkeys!! I remember through the night my son always cried n cried and I once shouted at him to please stop and then we were just both laid in bed crying and he was about 6 weeks old . Hope that helps xxx

Glitterandglue · 10/05/2010 14:32

If you care about your child(ren), want the best for them, and are doing the best you can under the circumstances, then no, you're not a bad mum.

Sounds like you're in need of some support, nothing wrong with that. What's the source of your stress, if you don't mind me asking? Is it just about parenting or are other things contributing?

aSilverLining · 10/05/2010 14:35

There has been a thread on here before about mums shouting at their babies and I was surprised how many people said they had done it and felt awful afterward (I was one of them), so you are not alone and not 'a bad mum'.

Do you have any support around you?
Do you get out of the house every day?
Is the stress in your life a long term issue or from a one off event (sorry don't mean to pry, just wondering if it is something that will pass naturally or not)?

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veritythebrave · 10/05/2010 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgo · 10/05/2010 14:55

Firstly, you're not a bad parent. This feeling of guilt is so familiar to me. I have two daughters and the first year with both of them was both fantastic and totally stressful. It's such a big change having a new baby in the house - you have no time to yourself, this little person is controlling what you can do and when you can do it. It's not easy. I don't think you can be prepared in advance for how much your life is going to change.

Of course you're not going to be perfect - no one is. You clearly care about doing your best for your baby and that's the most important thing. I bet there are times when she's asleep and you look at her and can't believe you could have ever been cross with her. But then the next day the crying starts again, you're tired and there you are ... stressed out again. Sleep deprivation is the worst form of torture and makes it really hard for new mums.

Do you have a partner who can help you? Do you have anyone to talk to? I know I found it very hard to talk to anyone about feeling stressed as I was afraid they'd say I had post natal depression or that they'd think I didn't love my baby or just that they'd think I was a bad mother. I wish now that I had talked to people - I found it very difficult being away from work and at home all the time. I felt that my husband didn't understand and there were times when I dreaded getting up in the morning. But things do get easier - I promise.

I wish I had had the courage to get some help - it would have been great to have a counsellor to talk to - just to get things off my chest to someone who wouldn't judge me. I got through it fine and started to really enjoy my girls. But if I had the time again I would go to my GP and ask if there was some help I could get just to let me vent for an hour a week in a safe environment. It could really help you.

Original poster

confusedmummie · 10/05/2010 15:24

yeah i have partner he helps out alot but i dong get out much in the day coz 1 i dont drive and i dont really have many places to go most of my friends is my family and most of them work same time as partner so quite stressed coz hard work and also im depressed and have been on citalapram and i dont think that helps just feel like going mad in head spose its because i see the 4 same walls everyday in and out, ive heard your kids can get depression through us? any1 know if that is true because all i want is for my daughter to grow up happy and im not helping any1 know how to get out of depression?

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Original poster

confusedmummie · 10/05/2010 15:25

and thanks for the comments/help and advice xx

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CogitoErgo · 10/05/2010 22:21

I think it really helps to talk to someone - would you consider getting counselling? I went for a time a number of years ago because of a bereavement and it really helped me. I think it would also help you to get out and about as much as possible - do you take your daughter for walks or go the park? Are there any classes you could take that would get you meeting other mums - I went to baby massage and really loved that. It's a nice thing that you can do with your little girl and you'll meet other people to chat to. I know sometimes you probably feel so low that you don't even want to go out, but it's worth the effort if you can.

I wouldn't worry about passing depression onto your little girl. I think you can see that most of us have been through the kind of thing you're describing and have come out ok the other end. There really is a lot of help out there for people who are feeling the way you are - maybe you could mention this to your health visitor ... that's exactly what they're there for.

I really hope you start to feel better. I know what it feels like to wake up every morning to the same day over and over again. But it will get easier. She'll be walking and talking soon and that's very rewarding to see.

If you don't feel like going out or doing anything during the day, try to force yourself the first few times just to see what it's like. You might find there are things out there that you like doing and that you can look forward to.

Original poster

confusedmummie · 10/05/2010 22:37

tbh with you guys i am a young mum but din want to say this because i din want to be criticised but i am 18 and i had councillin at 13 because of o.d self harming etc im a very shy person but earlier on i was rung by connections for young mums to meet and do learning courses and thanks to you guys talking to me i accepted it and going to do accounting studies and get a break with a free cresh facility on site thankyou

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poshsinglemum · 10/05/2010 22:52

I feel the same way. I shouted at dd (2) a bit thios week as I was sooo tired and she was sooo trying. None of us are saints.

Glitterandglue · 10/05/2010 23:46

confusedmummie that's really good news, glad to hear you sound a bit more positive now.

Would also reccommend a Sure Start children's centre for support, if there's one near you they do loads of different things to try to give children the best start in life possible [and a massive part of that is making sure you feel healthy and happy].

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