7 week old demanding baby HELP

[MAMA89]

HI!!!
i have a 7 week baby girl, my first child, i absolutely love her to bits but she wont let me do ANYTHING! i made the mistake of constantly picking her up when she was a newborn and now she refuses to be put down, she wont sleep alone, as soon as i put her down in her cot she starts crying so as a result im co sleeping. im also breastfeeding and im finding that she constantly wants feeding and a lot of mums have told me their kids went without bf for 2 hours or so....mine is always latched on.
ive ordered a sling but really am scared that a sling will make her too dependant on me, i dont want her to get clingy as im a student and return to uni in jan 2011
PLEASE NEED ADVICE!

that's what babies do for the first few weeks. get a sling and let the baby be close to you and soon enough the baby will go longer between feeds. all babies are different too, usually when they put more weight on and have big feeds they go longer between feeds. i have 2 dd's and i think by 12 weeks they were having regular breast feeds and regular naps and could do more! hope this helps xx

she isnt clingy ,she is a 7 week old baby who depends on you for everything which is why she doesnt like to parted from you! dont worry though it does and will get better/easier ,gradually she will eat less frequently and be more interested in the world around her and therefore easier to entertain . I found lying my baby on a sheepskin on his changing mat on the floor whilst i did quick jobs worked ,as does a sling .It is also ok if they cry for a couple of minutes . Believe me by the end of august you will be on here reassuring first timers yourself

Babies need comfort and reassurance at this age. Their self defence mechanism make them cry when they are not close to you and could be exposed to danger.

If you give your daughter all the cuddles and closeness she needs now you will give her the secure base she needs to feel safe in her own space when the time is right. The more secure she is in her relationship with you the more confidence she will have to be independent of you. You didn't make a mistake by constantly picking her up as a newborn. You did exactly the right thing and you need to keep doing it.

She's not being demanding - she's being a newborn. At seven weeks she's probably also hitting her second growth spurt so yes, she will be feeding constantly. Remember the more a baby suckles, the more milk they will stimulate, so its important to let the suckle for as long as they want - as frustrating as it does get.

Will she take a dummy? You can give them orthodontic ones from 6 weeks. If she's not hungry and is comfort suckling that might help. Also try swaddling if its that she wants to be cuddled.

Is she in a cot, or in a Moses basket? If its that she's in a cot it could feel too big for her, IFSWIM. Remember she has been curled up inside of you for nine months, listening to your heartbeat and your voice constantly.

I found when DS got to 12 weeks it was much easier.

I agree with the others.

Don't listen to any of that rod for your own back nonsense. You were right to pick up your baby, it a normal and natural thing to do.

I had two very attatched babies and now have two incredibly secure and independent toddlers.

It is a shock though, I remember coming on here and getting much needed support because I couldn't put dd down.

Just to repeatwhat others have said.. You baby is doing the natural thing and so are you by picking her up. I'm sure you'll find the sling a wonderful thing. .. Shell be fine by the time you go back to uni.

Ds1 was a snuggle close baby , born march and I used a sling.. He was fine when I went back to uni..
He's a big independant teen now.. And all is well.

Will be for you too.

Yep, couldn't agree more. Our now 10 month old DD hated being put down, ever! Yes you have to do it sometimes, but no lots of them don't like it and our DD was also permanently attached to my boobs, or so it seemed!

It seems like forever at the time, it's all a bit of a shock and no you can't get anything done, (I remember my lovely MIL giving me a massive hug the first time after having DD that she saw me with mascara on when we went to visit her!!)but as the others have said, it does gradually get better.

I spent months agonising over the fact that DD would only really sleep on me and I was having terrible quality sleep myself because of it. She hated her moses basket that I'd had high hopes for. Hated it from minute one and never improved much, I had to sleep with my hand draped over it on her tummy to have any chance at all. Strangely though, even when tiny she did better in the cot, so we moved that into our room and at around six months when we moved cot and DD into the nursery, she was well used to it.

The best advice has already been given here, get a sling/baby carrier you can get on with (there are services in some areas where you can try before you buy- great idea) and you can at least get a bit of valuable hands free time. The thing is, don't try to get anything except that which you really have to, i.e. eat, wash, dress, done.

Babies DO take up all your time and energy. That's why everyone says what hard work they are, this is what they're going on about ;-)

Hang in there, go with the flow, be with her, hold, cuddle and feed her as much as she wants (and that will be alot for a while yet) and don't listen to anyone who tells you different.

This is what being the mum of a small baby is and you are doing great. :-)

She's a baby ffs not a tyrant. She's not controlling you and picking her up wasn't a 'mistake'.

hi again
thank u so much was defo the kinda stuff i needed to hear
i know shes a baby n she needs attention n i love being around her its just that im living with my in laws and my sister in laws baby who is now 4 months is always settled etc and everyone keeps comparing the two even though her baby is bottle fed
il try the sling and see if that works,
but thank you!

Remind them of the age difference - I'm guessing 89 is your year of birth? I'm 18, and I do think it makes a difference with how people (especially the family) react to your choices. I was bottle fed, and my mother (am living with my parents) keeps saying to me, "You know he probably would sleep through if you gave him formula / he's still hungry..." etc.

Nod and smile, and then carry on doing your own thing. It feels very much like you're being undermined, doesn't it? You're doing really well, the first 12 weeks are very difficult.

I know, sometimes you just need to put her down, and get on with things don't you? Is her cot in your room? And if so, is it portable? If it helps, I found that in the first few months, as long as she was in the same room as me, even in the daytime, that was ok. It was when I tried to take her from a noisy/busy environment (living room with people talking/radio or tv on) to sleep in another quiet room that she actually woke up and started to be more demanding. Rather than a sling, can you put her in a moses basket in the same room that you are in for some of the time, so she can still be comforted by your voice and other ambient noises? (as I write, DD is napping in the living room with me).

Re feeding, you just have to do what you have to do, every 2 hours sounds a lot, but remember babies' tummies are tiny and fill quickly hence they do need constant top-ups, I'd speak to your doc or hv and see what they say re frequency and length of feeds. Have you also tried the bf threads here for practical advice? Good luck. With time it will get easier, it just takes a bit longer than you might expect.

DD2 was just the same and I just went with it. Get a really good sling, preferable a wrap sling. You can have her in there all the time (quite likely she won't want to breastfeed all the time if she is still being very close to you) and you can get on with things while having her close to you.

My youngest began accepting being put down around 3 months but still wanted to be held most of the time. She would sleep on me, on the sofa in the evening and then in bed with me during the night.

She is now 20 months old, has slept in her own cot since she was a year old and sleeps through the night beautifully. She is quite an independant child although very selective of who is allowed to touch and hold her. So, I really don't think that letting her have what she wants now, will make her more clingy later on, quite the opposite.

Hold her close while you can, you will blink and she will be dashing off to her mates and you will be obsolete.

Lovely advice given here - I wish I knew about Mumsnet when my children were babies! I was constantly criticised for picking them up, and for having them on the boob the whole time.

OP, I could have written your opening post years ago - 3 times! I was told I was making the same mistakes again, not learning from them! I assure you it does get easier, when they start crawling then walking and discovering the world aroud them you're not carrying them as much and can get more things done around the house.

Though their demands get higher and more expensine, but that's a future thread....

My Dcs are 9, 7 and 3 and very independent.

7 weeks is really hard. Ignore your inlaws - babies have different personalities. There's no such thing as spoiling a newborn. My MIL said the same things about making mine get used to being alone, but I ignored, and wore her in a sling, and coslept and breastfed on demand, and now she's almost 18 months and she's a sociable, happy, adaptable, friendly thing who adores her mum and is adored back. I went back to work when she was 6 months and it was fine.

You're doing a fantastic job. It's a shock and it's worse when people tell you you're doing it wrong. But your baby knows you're her Mum and you love her and she feels safe and warm and comforted when she's in your arms and that is êxactly^ what you should be teaching her at this age.

Well done.

Sounds like you are doing really well. Keep giving her lots of cuddles and feeding on demand. Follow your instincts as you have so far.
:-)

awwwwn thanks guys! thats made me feel so much better
i knew i was prob doing the right thing just needed consulation
to jumeirajane i have a cot but its not portable, she HATES the moses basket so ive decided il give her till 12 weeks then put her in cot as she seems to like that better, but if she still wont settle il prob cosleep till shes ready

to sirboobalot, yeah im 21 n im livin around ppl who have never bf n pretty much goin through what ur sayin, i keep getting that too oh u should give her formula at night, ive learnt to bite my lip n just smile politely, whilst thinkin y give my daughter second best when i can give her 1st best. it just feels like im constantly having to defend myself...

to starlight....yeah i swap boobs at first she still didnt settle but she has been recently n now goes every half hr without feeding. il be honest if i was living alone i wouldnt care if she ws on my boob 24/7 i just hate it when everyone else makes snide comments.
but having said that im so gladi started this post u guys have boosted my confidence so much thank u!!!!!

I agree with everyone else you are doing exactly as you should be. Easier just to nod and smile than get into a bf vs ff debate.
Your dd is so so little that you cannot possibly spoil her at this stage and are doing the best thing for her by doing what makes her happy.
And please don't worry about going back to uni - you've got loads of time and your dd will be very different by that stage.
Enjoy your baby- its such an amazing time, don't let anyone spoil it for you.

Hi Mama89, I am a young mum too and also find all the comments irritating! Just do your own thing as much as you can and try not to worry about what everyone else thinks. It is harder when you are living with people who don't understand about breastfeeding though - I think sometimes they just think it's pointless and they are trying to be helpful and take the pressure off you, but really it's not helpful at all!

Can you have a chat with them and offer them ways in which they can help you, e.g. if they are saying "Put her on bottles so I can help you by doing a feed" you could suggest they take her out for a walk in her pram or give her a bath for you instead, both of which will give you a break. Of course you might not want a break at all in which case, the best thing they can do to help is do some tidying or cooking or washing for you.

Breastfeeding is quite full on for the first few weeks but it settles down at about 8-12 weeks and then it gets easier. You might then have a growth spurt at 4 or 5 months and get the pressure to wean early - but if you stick with it, if you can get to 6 months then it gets loads easier and I really think if you've cracked it to 6 months you will find it easy to carry on to whatever age you like.

If your DD is 7 weeks now, she will be 7 months by the time you go back to uni - that is plenty of time for her to become more independent, and probably a good age to do it, because I think you need to either do it early before about 10-12 months, where they are at the stage of being happy as long as someone is holding and feeding them, my DS is 18 months and not used to being left with anyone, and I find it really hard to put him in creches etc because he is old enough to know I'm not there but not old enough to understand I'm coming back.

I think co-sleeping is great, if you are still doing it when you go back to uni, it will be a lovely way to reconnect with her at night. I co-slept with DS until 18 months and he now sleeps in his own bed, but sometimes I go and get in with him because I miss him, lol.

I know exactly what you mean If its any consolation, eventually they get bored of saying it I don't think its even a case of whats best; its a case of YOU are the parent and THESE are your parenting choices. Good for you for sticking with it though, it is hard when you are receiving pressure to do things differently

I am like you with my baby, I didn't put her down even once in the first few weeks other than to stand up off sofa, turn round and pick her up again!

You obviously have a little baby who, because of your responsive and instinctive mothering, has developed the confidence and trust in her world to expect her needs to be met... at the moment her "needs" are to be close to you and you are providing this, even though it isn't always easy or convinient for you. That makes you a brilliant mum IMHO. She won't have the same needs at 16yrs, but she'll have all the trust and confidence in her world to go out and get what she does need.

to bertiebotts- trust me these ppl arent trying to be helpful if i asked them to give her a bath theyd probably laugh in my face, they just like voicing their opinion no matter how much i dont want it. but i have to say its doing me good just makes me all that determined.and yeah tbh i want to breastfeed for as long as i can, ideally till shes 2yrs old. hopefully il be able to

to sirboobalot- your words provide me with comfort, i just find it so scandolous that we have to defend something that is best for our child that nature has provided for us. drives me up the wall

to southwestwhippet- yeah i think judging from the responses ive got im just going to give her exactly whatshe wants and if thats loads of cuddles then so be it, i was just scared coz everyone kept telling me shed become clingy etc.

i agree with what everyone else says - you're doing the right things for your baby and don't let anyone put you off. A lot of people who bottle fed don't appreciate how demand feeding works. I couldn't put my son down for the first 3 months without him howling and he had to sleep with me all that time. He's now 8, still a very affectionate child but independent and an absolute joy. Enjoy your baby!

MAMA89 you sound like a wonderful mother, just keeping doing what you're doing and follow YOUR instincts, ignore all advice you don't agree with - you'll get a lot along the way!