Please please tell me what you do with your tantruming 2yo when out

[Rockbird]

Because I've had enough. Yet again today I've abandoned a trolley of shopping, walked out and come home. DD is 2.3yo, wants to walk everywhere, will not go in pushchair or trolley. But will also not hold hand, hold trolley or move with reins on. Starts off well, we have a little chat where we agrees that she will hold my hand otherwise she gets in the trolley. But within 30 seconds she's running off. After a couple of times of bringing her back, telling her off whatever, she then goes in the trolley and screams blue murder. I know children scream and I should just brazen it out; sometimes I can but when she really throws a strop I can't deal with it.

I've tried distraction, involving her in shopping, bribery, telling off, ignoring, everything you can think of. It's now got to the stage where I rarely leave the house with her. I know this is what toddlers do but how do you cope with it? Because between an extremely stressful job and equally stressful days with DD I'm feeling like I want to run away. I can also feel my temper at breaking point and that worries me because I have a very very fiery quick temper and I know how quickly I can snap.

Buy him a scooter?

I must say, I feels like I'm coming out the other end of toddler tantrums (at least, I pay so little attention to dd's that they don't bother me)

ds1 is nearly 8, ds2 is just 6. They can be taken out in public now and reliably behave.

and dd (3 and a bit) just has to get on with it. Recently she has decided that she doesn't like to go and play at friend's houses (fair enough) but has to understand that that means she has to do the boring jobs with me instead. She's getting there.

My dd is very tantrummy in the supermarket. DH is really good at taking her shopping and getting her to behave. He has her pick up items and gets her really involved. I don't have the same level of patience and I am the bad mummy who opens a packet of breadsticks to keep her busy or just chases her up and down the aisles embarrassed. The staff at local supermarket are quite used to us now.

DH is also quite a loud parenter - "can you find the PESTO dd?, now pass me some TAHINI". Other shoppers looking at us askance, which he interprets as them being impressed. Meanwhile dd is picking chewing gum off the wheel of the trolley

Agree with internet shopping or leaving the child at home. Unless it is a very quick shop, where I could stomach a tantrum en route, I could not subject myself and other shoppers to the fury of my ds for 45 mins.

If I was expecting resistance I usually resorted to bribery frankly - a small box of mini smarties buys a couple of aisles with DD.
Had a nice chat at the weekend with a Mum who was dealing with a small boy having a meltdown over trying on new shoes - which mean she seemed to be ignoring him (whilst keeping an eye on him at all times) and after a fairly short period of time he got fed up with shouting and bawling and getting no response and came and stood quietly next to her. Still wouldn't try the shoes on though
DD is 3 and getting a bit big for the trolley, but can be engaged with 'helping' and will run along the aisle shouting 'the bread is over here' - but from the sound of it yours might be a bit young and a bit of a bolter for that.
Keep praising the occasions she behaves well and try and minimise the time you spend doing things you find stressful.

I'm another one who thanks God for the internet!

But I have been there with dd (when she was 2-3) having a meltdown in public. I brazen it out and play to the crowd, I'm afraid. I remember standing in the butcher's with ds in the pram and dd under my arm, screaming like a banshee (after she had refused to leave previous shop, then run at me full charge with her Peppa pig umbrella, which was actually quite funny, but of course resulted in me taking the umbrella away.)

dd: "WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
me: "What's that? Yes, the sausages do look nice, I think we'll take 8 of them, please"
dd: "WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
me: Oh yes, you're right, I forgot to get some steak for the steak pie!"
dd: "WAAAAHHHHHHH!"
me: "Oooh, look at all these people looking at you! I bet their eardrums are close to bursting- I know mine are"
dd: "WAAAAAHHHHH!"
me: "Oh, and a pound of minced pork." "It's a lovely age, isn't it? 2 year old children are just adorable, don't you find?"

It's the only way I could keep sane! And the looks on the faces of the fellow shoppers made me want to giggle, which made me feel better

kitkatsforbreakfast, don't worry about it.

I'm a bit of a weird one in that I'm sometimes just waiting for someone to comment so I can use the retort I've thought up. Sadly, they almost never do. But that might be the manic glint in my eye...or the mohawk. The mohawk tends to make a lot of people shy away.

Eaglebird - is he doing it because he's tired or because he thinks it's funny (or other reason), do you think? Your current plan could work if you can put him down again a few minutes later and then he'll walk (sort of an elaborate distraction technique, innit?). If he's one of those who can't bear to be separated you can do the walk off briskly thing, or if not you can try saying, "Okay! You have a rest and catch me up when you can." I had a five year old I nannied who used to sit down every now and then because he got tiiiiiired. His parents' usual response was to pick him up. Mine was to keep going! He gave up stopping in the end.

Or you could just stop with him and say, "You get up when you're ready, then," and start filing your nails/looking in shop windows/reading a book and he'll get bored eventually with the lack of reaction to his great trick and just get up and carry on. Depends if you're in a rush to get anywhere which ones you can try, I suppose.

Nathanbarley, your DH's parenting made me LOL! I would have trouble finding the PESTO or the TAHINI but I suppose your DD will be much better than me (in a while, perhaps)!

Trolleys in the UK have straps! no straps here in Spain. He just stand sup and tries to fling himself out.

Ds was the same, it was a nightmare. He changed completely at 2.9 and I could walk down the road with him without him running off. It was only growing up that made the difference.

If he was on his trike (one if those things with a strap and handle at the back) it was better as he didn't feel strapped in, but like you I found the screaming and the protests whatever I did really hard.

Good luck and don't doubt your parenting skills, our children are sent to try us!

This may sound a bit twee, but I use a "naughty spot" with my DD (2.5). It's just a laminated frowny face but I have several of them stashed about in case I need them whether we're at home or out. When she's in trouble she has to sit on the naughty spot until she's ready to stop the misbehaviour and apologize if she's hurt someone.

In the grocery store, I tend to make her sit in the trolley whether she wants to or not, but she's been known to bolt in other places. The penalty for screaming/bolting is the same: 1 warning and then she's got to sit on the naughty spot. In the grocery store I tend to leave the trolley and take her to the toilets or baby change area to minimize the number of people deafened by her piercing wails. When she's settled, we can go back to what we were doing.

I also try to ward off the tantrums by letting her munch in the trolley (Though I'm sure lots of people object to this) or let her choose one cuddly toy from the toy section to ride in the trolley with her until we finish shopping.

Eaglebird - our DS2 does the "sitting down" thing. Sometimes I think it's because he's simply tired, other times (in my poor addled mind) I think he's trying to drive me mad! But in the grocery store, he's in the trolley anyway. He used to have something to nibble while in the store (we'd open a packet of pancakes or muffins and pay for it at the end). But recently we started putting it off - first saying he could have it when we paid for it. Then next trip he could have it once we got out to the car. Then next time he could have it when we got home. Now it's not an issue anymore. He recognises letters too, so we tend to have him look for letters on packages.

Plus our DS3 is now sitting up in the trolley, so DS2 likes to be the big brother and show him how to sit up like a big boy. We'll enjoy that for the short while it will last.

oh boy this brought back the memories. I was lucky - dd rarely threw tantrums in the shops although there was one memorable trip where she screamed blue murder from the moment the car stopped, across the (large!) car park, into the trolley and into the shop. Halfway round, by now frantic and even more deaf than normal mum goes "oh no, didn't you see it?"
dd (hard swallow to stop scream) What?
mum The elephant
dd elephant?
mum yes, the big elephant. He was just there. did you miss him?
dd starts looking around, we go round the aisles looking for the elephant while I grab the shopping. 10 minutes later, shopping all done, and an old lady leans over on the way out and says "I saw how you did that - nice one". I floated (still fairly deaf!) all the way back to the car.

But just a word of warning - they don't stop when they get out of the terrible twos. They then hit 8.5 and throw them because you won't buy the latest cd/craze/dvd for them.... (and invisible elephants no longer work)