Feeling awful, just lost my temper with Ds, am not coping!

[guiltyandfedup]

DS is 3.5, I love him to bits and try so bloody hard to be a good Mum!
Last few months he has been really testing the boundaries, lots and lots of little things really, refusing to be washed, not settling at bed times (thats another story but am spending half my nights asleep on floor next to him). Being 'cheeky' lots of 'No!'s and 'Dont want to's', the usual stuff I expect. Also we are having lots of problems with his eating at present, he is refusing most fods and wants to 'play' akl through mealtimes, DP and I have tried upteen different ways to get him to settle down and eat but to no avail.

I am 5 months pregnant and am struggling myself.

Have been home with him for the last week as he has had a virus, I know it sounds awful but both DP and I are starting to think that the last day or two he has been 'milking' it a bit and could probably have gone to nursery.But cant send him as he is complaining of a sore throat (have looked and looked and can see no evidence, no temp, all ok in 'hiomself' playing etc).

So am missing more and more work and getting pressure from them too!!

This morning DS refused to walk up the small hill from the shops to home, saying his legs hurt (that cant be the case as just moments earlier he was bouncing around in the shops!). He basically layed down on the pavement in a dangerous spot and REFUSED to walk, insiting that I carry him. In the end i had to bodily pick him up under my arm and hoik him up the hill, crying tears of frustration all the while!

My back and stomach are in agony now and Ds is accusing me of 'hurting' him.

Just having such a crap day/week/month.

Any words of wisdom or empathy would be very much appreciated.

I have been there too on many occasions, especially with refusing to walk/Carrying.

I am in the "lucky" position of having an older child so realising it is a stage and it will pass and I try and find amusement rather than annoyance in my ds's little foibles..easier said then done

for example, he is obsessed with holes in clothing , particulaly socks and inspects his socks, my socks, his dad's socks, his sister socks regularly for holes.

If he finds even the smallest one - he insists the person changes their socks.
It is ridiculous but fairly amusing (when dh has to change socks NOT when I do)

must be extra hard being pregnant.. could you rediscover the buggy??

I really feel for you. My DS1 played up a lot when I was pregnant. He picked up on the fact that I was tired and distracted and I think felt pretty insecure himself that his mummy had changed, both physically and mentally.

I posted a similar thread to yours a week or so ago and bought a booked called 'The Explosive Child, which has really helped. Basically, it talks about trying to avoid the times of conflict, talking about what is the problem with a particular situation before it occurs (ie bedtime, or mealtime) and acknowledging their feelings, not just trying to make everything better all the time. I found listening to my child and giving him the time to find his words has paid off as he now explains why he hits DS2 (I feel angry and can't be nice when I am tired and hungry) or poos his pants (TMI I know! but because it hurts, therefore more vegetables required).

Saying all that, I realise that when you are pregnant and tired it is incredibly difficult to be that patient. I know I wasn't! And it is also bewildering and hurtful that your boy is being so, er, challenging, to use a diplomatic word. I wouldn't feel guilty about picking your battles. Maybe let him make a mess at mealtimes, as long as he eats something. Use the buggy if he won't walk, use the TV a bit more and give yourself a break from trying to be the perfect mum. You care so much that it sounds like you are anyway.