Anyone tried it with THREE languages? (French, Polish, English)

[blondecat]

Hello
DH and I still have a long way to go but we've been scratching our heads over the language thing.

His is French, mine Polish, we speak English to each other and we'd both like to keep the mother tongues going. If we drop Polish, DC will never learn it as it's so different. If we drop French... well, that's just inconceivable, considering I've been sent off to an intensive French course already. The respective families are getting intransigent. At least mine is. Les belles parents just assume it will be la francophonie all the way.

Has anyone done it with three languages?
Won't DC get confused? I am worried as a friend's daughter reached age of 3 and still doesn't speak in full sentences. She understands but doesn't talk save in her own language and with single words. And they speak Polish only at home with English coming in at the nursery.
Will we jeopardise DC's progress by bringing in too many languages?
Can anyone recommend some good books / approaches?

Frankly, I suspect it's Polish that will suffer. All but one of my friends are British and I use English more than Polish anyway.

BTW DH doesn't speak a word of Polish. OK, about 10 words and some Russian, which is to Polish what Dutch is to English. So he won't understand if I speak Polish only.

Better ask Nick Clegg...

No, seriously, I think it's great you're researching it. Can't help, but good luck!

DS has been raised with three languages, and it was going ok, English is becoming so dominant now that DS just forgets and keeps talking in English.

It was a bit difficult in the early years as it was almost impossible to interpret the babbling when you have words from 3 languages to choose from, but after a while, the languages separated and it was fine.

DS's dad talked to him in Catalan ALL the time, I talked to DS and his dad in Spanish ALL the time, and DS got English from the nursery/school. We all understand the 3 languages so it wasn't difficult to communicate between us. However, the advantage of you talking only in Polish to your child is that your DH will also get to understand it.

Chandra Thank you. It's reassuring to hear that it can work!

Isaidheyhoney I would but I think he is a tad busy. But you are not suggesting it will turn my baby into a politician? Oh no! BTW I only wish my families came with a French chateau and a chalet in Davos.

I know a two-year old with a Polish father, Chinese mother, living in Wales. She seems to do really well with Polish, Chinese and English. She also gets on fine at nursery, where they talk to her in Welsh (and English afterwards).

If it's important to you to speak Polish then do it. How would you feel speaking English (presumably not your mother tongue that you have an attachment to) to your DC?

Trilingualism is perfectly possible. I know a lovely couple - German/Chinese, speak French together (met and live in France) who speak their respective mother tongues to their DCs and sent them to a bilingual (French/English school). Respect. Children are practically quadrilingual - French (parents between them school and community) and Chinese (mother) are easier for them than German (father) and English (half-day school only) but they've been trilingual since birth without too many problems, which encourages me as we might end up with 2 mother tongues and a community language if we're not careful....but at least DH and I speak each other's mother tongues.

What I feel you need to resist is speaking French to your DC as your PILS assume! Lovely that you can understand it, communicate with your PILs, support your DCs speaking French but it's not your 'family' language and if Polish is important to you then fight your corner. Personally I was extremely emphatic about the fact yet-to-be-conceived-DC and I will speak English!

Keeping up the language when you are the only input will be hard. DVDs, holidays in the countries with family and skype will all help. Is there any kind of Polish community where you are that might have a Polish playgroup? When you start looking at childcare options can you prioritise Polish speaking childcare? I totally agree with the fact that if you don't introduce Polish and keep going with it it[ll probably be lost, and then presumably your DC won't be able to communicate with part of your family which is

Good luck!

I know a Swedish German couple who are raising their children trilingually, by speaking to them in their respective languages and going to school in the UK. They cope perfectly well with all three.

We are only raising our children bilingually, but the one advice I would give you is speak to your child/ren only in your respective mother tongues. Especially with three languages consistency is the key, so that the child can start to separate the languages in its head.

Personally, I could not speak with my children anything other than my mother tongue (German). I mean of course I can (and do when I'm addressing other children as well) but I find it much easier and more natural to speak to my children in my mother tongue (despite having lived in the UK for almost 20 years...).

Good luck!

how old are your dc blondecat?

My dd is trilingual but it was a slog at times - and expensive. Now she is 9 and reading fluently and avidly in all 3 languages, it takes care of itself really. However in the earlier stages, it involved quite a bit of thought and time on my part and I paid a granny to spend time with my dc playing, reading, speaking in one of the languages.

What is difficult is to have them truly master 3 lanuages to the same extent - and I see your point that probably in your current situation, Polish will be the one to suffer. So if at all possible, I would consider as their mother primarily speaking Polish to the dc, even though dh does not understand. Translating in order to include him where you feel it would be necessary.

When I say my dd is trilingual - she is at an articulate native speaker level in 2 languages (thanks to our previous situation) and she is fluent in the 3rd but just fluent IYSWIM

ZZZenAgain, DC still has a few months to go. But I am working on the nanny front and wondering if a Polish speaking one would be a good addition to the odds. Plus I am a worrier .

oh I see you're pregnant! Well congratulations and well done you for thinking ahead.

Maybe you could just google around a bit and put out feelers to find out what Polish language activities, toddler groups etc might be available to suppplement what you do at home. The motivation of speaking with other dc and belonging to a nice group goes a long way IME. I think a Polish nanny would be great - if the personality was right. Main thing with dc is that you trust the person to treat your dc the way you want, more than the language skills they can confer IYSWIM.

assuming you live in the uk and your dc will be hearing english and going to nursery/school in english, you might find it works that you each speak to him/her in your respective languages and allow him/her to absorb and pick up english naturally in their surroundings whilst at the same time learning his/her parents' two languages. This worked for me as a child and it also worked for my ds1 when we lived abroad.

Similar situation here, I'm Polish, DP is English, we live in France.

I speak only Polish to DD (15m), DP only English, DS French and we all communicate in English. She understands Polish best at the moment, as I spend most of the time with her, but that will obviously change with time. So I think it's totally possible. Polish nanny would help.

Now, with DS(8)it's a diiferent story- he was born in the US, his dad and my ex is French. I spoke Polish and a bit of English to him til he was a year and a half, when we moved to France. Here he started to speak almost exclusively in French (dad speaking in French to him, French tv, kindergarten etc) and I felt like I had to choose either Polish or English as I thought that three languages would be too much for him to learn iyswim. As we spoke English with ex I decided on English. I regret it very much, DS doesn't speak Polish now and even though I'm comfortable in communicating with him in English and French, it's not the same...it's just plein weird to be speaking to your child in not your mother tongue.

But with DD it's working well, I refuse to even to read books in a language other than Polish to her.

I met someone a few weeks ago who had just had a baby girl and was going to do this. She was polish, her dh was french and they spoke in English to each other.

.....wonders if it was you I met.

I think the most natural thing to do is that YOU speak your mother tongue to the baby, your partner speaks HIS mother tongue to the baby, and the baby will pick up English anyway as you speak english with each other, and baby will encounter English outside the home.

The reason our sons are bilingual rather than trilingual (me: norwegian, dh: polish, brought up in London) is that my dh did not bother to speak Polish with them, so he can hardly blame me.

As for inlaws? They will just have to be involved, send music cds, story cds and dvds in their language and talk to the baby themselves.

you cant be made to speak a language to your newborn which does not come natural to you. It is not feasible, and nobody should expect you do this.

It is not actually recommended that mothers speak a foreign language to their babies, it apparently hinders the babys natural linguistic development.

I read Tracy Tokuhama Espinoza, this book and found it very useful.

Good Luck!

And also, when speaking in your mother tongue you're unlikely to pass on any slight foreign accent you may have ( I certainly do despite having lived in the UK for almost 20 years...).

So I would support all the good advice above: speak to your children in your respective mother tongues (and perhaps have a polish nanny/relative to support the Polish) and the English will follow naturally once the dc start nursery/school.

Blondecat, just that Clegg's three sons are bilingual - I always admire parents who are sufficiently organised and forward-thinking to pull this off, let alone a third language. I know what you mean about the chateaux, though! BTW there are lots of Saturday schools for various languages in London, so that would be another way to cover a third language.

I should add, just reread your post and noticed your question towards the end, you wont hinder your childs progress by adding more languages.

Multilingual children sometimes appear to develop slower, linguistically, but that is because they have a lot more to process, they use their brains differently. My sons would start speaking in single word or two words sentences. Then they would go on to mix grammar and glossary, making sentences which were neither here nor there, and that is to be expected. No corrections are necessary, they will work it out in the end, usually by the age of 3 or 4, and tailor the language to whom they are speaking to. It is natural for my 4 year old to speak Norwegian to my parents, and English to British people, and they are not confused swapping between the two. They will make some attempts at Polish when we stay with the inlaws during the summer holidays, and they are watching Lolek i Bolek regularly!

We have moved to Norway now, and work on keeping English alive, by books and films and music. In addition we speak English at home. I am still hoping we can make some Polish progress, though!

i had a similar situation to chandra - catalan (dh) english (me) spanish (between dh and me) at nursery he gets mostly catalan but castellano is also present.

ds is 3 and he is prob a wee bit behind his monolingual peers but talks up a storm all the same! he only speaks english to me and only catalan to dh, some words in spanish not much but he does understand it. He differentiates very clearly between catalan and english, dh said yesterday 'digues-li a mama que no es preocupi' and he turned to me and said 'don't worry mama'

he has some sentence constructions which seem a literal translation like 'i like it no' 'i want it no' but I just repeat 'you don't want it?' and I know he'll get there!

i have a friend in your situation where she speaks english 100% to her partner and doesn't know if she will speak to her baby in flemish or english as her flemish is now so little used.. i am sure you'll find the language you speak to your baby comes naturally and you can only do what feels right

I second what has already been said, speak your mother tongue with your baby and each language will come!

The main problem with bilingualism or multilingualism is giving the child enough input in each language and making a conscious effort to make sure vocabulary learned in one language is also learnt in the other. There is a constant shift between languages as one seems stronger than the other at any one point in time.

In your position I would definitely be making a big effort to get your child involved in the Polish community, for a long time my DD seemed to think that only Daddy spoke his language and though she understand everything, didn´t speak it until she met other children who spoke the same language.

You might also like to consider ensuring baby has lots of contact with native speakers of English to avoid her imitating you and your husband too much.

Why is your DH not learning Polish? Especially when you are making a big effort with French... He should be aiming to become fluent as the baby grows up so he can understand everything. This is what I did with my husband´s language - so far (6 years old) my language has kept pace with the children´s ; If he doesn´t learn Polish it will send a clear message to your child about the relative value of your language. Which is not right.

DD has three languages - I speak to her in Turkish, DH & I speak English, we live in France where she goes to nursery.

She started speaking quite late (~ age 2) and her speech is not perfect in any of her languages now (age 4.8) but she is getting there. Every day she learns something new and corrects a mistake or two.

To answer your questions: No, they don't "get confused". They just put a bit more time in making sense of the languages around them.

Where we live, a lot of children are from multicultural families and 3 languages are quite common.

We too are teaching our LO 3 languages (Finnish, Spanish and English). I speak Finnish to him and we also have a Finnish speaking au pair, he goes to a Spanish nursery and we (mainly) speak English at home. LO is almost 2.5 and even though English and Finnish are the strongest ones he mixes all 3 languages and seems to have a very good understanding of Spanish.
He seems to associate Finnish with the au pair and speaks Finnish to her. OH and I get all three mixed in - if he says something in one language and we do not understand he tries in an another language (and the third one if he has to) until he gets his point across. Like Maveta's DS ours sometimes constructs his sentences in a funny way but has no problem making himself understood. We also watch his favourite progs (Fireman Sam, Oso etc) in Finnish, Spanish and English which I hope helps.

"I would definitely be making a big effort to get your child involved in the Polish community, for a long time my DD seemed to think that only Daddy spoke his language and though she understand everything"

Couldn't agree more with that, we only realised DS didn't understand "plural pronouns" and related verb conjugations in Catalan, until we took him on holiday to exH's country... Obviously, he only heard his father talking and he also only talked to him so.. he had not had any opportunity to learn how to use the language when you are talking to or refering to more than one person

Having said that, I told this to a friend who then confessed that he understood French, but as he learned it from hearing the news in French, he found it difficult to understand the language when they were not talking in past tense

I agree about the OP's husband needing to learn at least enough Polish to understand what she is saying to the children - Otherwise he will feel left out when you speak to them in Polish (which you should!).

Gosh. Thank you everyone. Much to think about.

I guess I had better polish my polish. I only ever use it on the phone once or twice a week so it feels a bit strange. But I found some of my old books and thought how much I'd love DC to be able to read them.

Nursery will be French speaking. Nanny, I will see about. But hopefully they'll pick up English out and about in London. There used to be a large Polish community where I live although they have largely moved out further West. Now it's 'Frog Valley' because of the Lycee.

I only know one Polish couple in London but maybe I will find more. (blush)

Thank you for sharing all your experiences. It's encouraging although I hope DC won't be too far behind because of the language confusion.

Finally, Strpey probably not as DC hasn't arrived yet and we don't even know if it's a DS or DD but glad to hear there are others in my position!

They'll probably also pick up English if they hear you and your husband using it.

I assume you're going for the Lycee - have you considered bilingual primary (looking far ahead) - Wix or Ealing? Ealing has a pretty big Polish community too from what I recall.

Good luck