Secondary School and fitting in

[PaperFlower]

DS starts secondary school in September. He's not a popular type of kid and has a few traits that will probably attract bullies. He knows this and doesn't seem to care. He's very proud of his "individual-ness".

Now when it comes to bags, I've noticed that having the right type can mean the difference between being "cool" and being picked on and laughed at.

I suggested this one to DS:

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/2861333/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CSports+and+leisure%7C14419 152/c2/3%7C15701421%7CLuggage%7C14419371/c3/4%7Ccat_14419371%7CMessenger+and+shoulder+bags%7C14419 388.htm

As it's pretty plain but with "a name".

DS says no way, its chavvy and it will look like he's trying to fit in

So do I just let him have any bag he wants and say bollocks to "fitting in" or should I guide him?

He'd probably go for one like this

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/0755283/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CSports+and+leisure%7C14419 152/c2/3%7C15701421%7CLuggage%7C14419371/c3/4%7Ccat_14419371%7CMessenger+and+shoulder+bags%7C14419 388.htm or with a name like quicksilver etc.

What do you reckon?

I don't see that much difference between them tbh, they all have either sports or boarding type bags, doesn't mean they're sporty or boarders!

TBH if he has what you describe as traits, those are what are likely to cause any problems, and the bag doesn't matter.

I've never heard of anyone being laughed at because of the type of bag they have (unless pink & fluffy for a boy!)

Firstly don't panic too much. ( you have my empathy as we have had the lovely experience of bullying)

go with the bag he wants.. Your ds sound like my ds1 .. Who refuses to be a sheep. Becaus of his cofidence and humour and is outgoing self he has become one of the populars. ( he is now year 10).

As it happens ds1 anti sheep/ clone attitude tends to make him look far more mature, which the girls love and that makes him popular with the boys.

So it's not all a bad thing..

DS(year 8) just has a rucksack as do most of the younger boys at his school - a messenger type bag wouldn't be big enough to fit his stuff in it and I have never known any of the boys show the slightest interest in each others bags. They only start to go for the "trendy bags" when they get older (year 10+).

Those bags look exactly the same to me!

Bags shouldn't be an issue. Is it big enough? How much stuff do they need to carry around.

Also DO NOT assume all secondary schools are the same. My DS goes to one, and I am working in another. The bags kids use in the one I work at wouldn't carry all the stuff my son carries around all day. On the other hand the girls often cope with tiny handbags and a collection of up market carrier bags. My son also asked that instead of a PE bag, he could use a couple of sainsburys carriers. (It does look like we're broke but if thats what he wants......)
My son also refuses to wear things with obvious logos outside of school.

If you are worried about bullying find out about the school policy. These things are usually dealt with much better than in my youth.

PS forgot to say, both schools are state schools!

I don't think the label on a bag will make any difference. His "bollocks to fitting in" attitude is more likely to keep the bullies at bay than any amount of struggling to fit in would do. Good on him. Encourage him to pick the one he wants.

But on a practical note, he may find a rucksack better for the sheer weight of kit he'll have to carry at secondary - there's books and jotters for every subject, and a single shoulder strap may give him back pain!

MumInScotland is right, the bags weigh a ton. He really needs a rucksack with two straps.

Agree with everyone especially AMumInScotland. His attitude will make the difference. My dc is very similar but at secondary school where there are now loads more children it has been far easier to "fit in" with all the others who are like yourself.

(Isn't it awful that we have to have such conversations though - I feel for you as all is well at our end but I still worry as you never know when or why it can strike.)

My dc refuses anything that isn't plain and actually found own rucksack choice to be a popular choice!

Having said that rucksacks may not be the thing at your own ds's school, so go with what he wants as he will know and you want him to be comfortable too.

My son and his mates all have rucksacks. The sort of bag you showed wouldn't be big enough for the books, pe kit, cookery stuff and lunchbox / drinks that they have to take.

Rucksack would be better for your DS's back. Otherwise, allow him to choose what he wants in suggested price range.