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Parenting

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Original poster

Advice please - feeling sad

11 replies

LordVolAuVent · 02/05/2010 19:23

Have just had a horrible SHOUTY weekend with DS 15m. Am feeling v ashamed of myself and sad that it has been so horrible and depressing. DS is spirited and always a handful, but usually with "management" is a fairly good boy. But the last 3 days he's been very angry, nothing has pleased him, v impatient and tantrum after tantrum - a ver ear piercing scream almost constantly too! Not fun - and I know how I should handle it and have tried but just completely ran out of patience today.

DH has been working away this time too, so have been on my own with him, trying to summon up the courage to take him somewhere/do stuff with him while he's in this mood. The crap weather today didn't help either. I feel like I've been shouting all day, and barely keeping a lid on my temper. DH swanned in and had a go at me for being so horrible to DS - and he's right. But it's so hard sometimes. He's giving DS his bath now and I am .

Am hoping DS snaps out of it soon, but anyone got any patience-keeping tips in the meantime (or for next time!)? Thanks, sorry it's long...

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compo · 02/05/2010 19:45

Could he be teething? Going out will stop you going insane at home

Original poster

LordVolAuVent · 02/05/2010 19:54

Yes, I think it probably is teeth. I'm hoping so, and not a personality change anyway!
I make sure we go out every day, or we would both go mental. Just usually it's fun but the last few days outings have been a trial as public screaming is that much worse I find!

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GFatemybaby · 02/05/2010 20:00

Oh i know that feeling. It's awful isn't it?

I don't really have much advice as I found this age really difficult. They're just mobile babies with no sense/logic/patience, and limited communication skills.

I just try and make sure i plan stuff every day. That 'gets me through it'.

Could you talk to your DH about how you're feeling, and consider asking help from friends/family.

Remember - this phase shall pass....

Good luck.

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racingheart · 02/05/2010 20:19

Yes, I have a tip. Get your OH to have him 24/7 for 3 days on the trot when he's ear-piercingly tantrummy and then waltz in and tut at DH's poor parenting skills. But, seriously I think you need a break from him now for a bit. your turn for a few hours in the company of rational adults, if you can find some.

It's just not easy when they're so small. And it's no bad thing for young children to learn that we won't be sweetness and light if they are monkeys. But he probably is coming down with something. So maybe a dose of calpol for him and of wine or tea or whatever your tipple is for you and write it off as a rough patch. Don't get all doubting of your parenting skills, or of him, or your bond. Not worth it. he was being a screechy monkey and you hadn't had a break. Nothing worse than that.

Original poster

LordVolAuVent · 02/05/2010 21:01

Yes, thanks GF - I find having things planned is helpful. I think this wknd was particularly bad as we didn't have anything on as most people busy over bank hol, DH off working, parents away and my sister ignored my text grrr (she didn't realise how crap I was feeling, I'm sure, but you know when all these things conspire against you...?!).

I suggested that too racingheart, but didn't pursue it as the last thing I needed was an argument with DH too! Anyway, he has said he will get up with DS tomorrow so I can have a lie in - although he tends to change his mind about these things when morning comes, so we'll see. Urrgh, men and boys! Wish I'd had a girl

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fustyarse · 02/05/2010 21:17

oooh, no, girls are waaaay harder! (imho!)

you have my sympathies - dc3 is 16 months and is a whirlwind, has those dreadful non-stop whingy angry days where nothing pleases him, he's clingy, demandng, not eating properly, getting into everything...it's relentless. I do find that keeping him dosed up with calpol helps - first dose as soon as he's up in the morning then maybe another dose later in the afternoon. You can probably assume he's teething and is in pain.

even if you don't have anything planned to do, how about putting his reins on and just going for a little walk around the block, or even just in the garden? Or take him to a park with big open safe spaces and letting him run free for a while?

It's incredibly hard - my dh is on deployment at the mo and i'm on my tod with all three - you won't believe me when I tell you that I think longingly back to the days when I only had one dc to cope with!

Not meanng to put down what you're going through, sorry. You have to get a break tomorrow, can your dh take ds out for the morning/afternoon/whole day to give you quiet time to yourself? My dh does this for me (occasionally!) when he's home, and it's bliss.

cat64 · 02/05/2010 21:41

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Original poster

LordVolAuVent · 02/05/2010 21:56

We do go out every day, yes, and have the last few too - runarounds as suggested fustyarse - totally agree with you and cat it's imperative! I think just because we haven't really socialised with anyone else this wknd, it's been harder.

Really I just felt bad about not being more understanding of him and wish I could keep my patience more (never been a strong point), I don't know what the neighbours must think sometimes!

I can only imagine how it is having 3, fusty, everytime we think about having another, I have a day like this and the legs stay firmly closed!! But thanks for your comment, it's put things into perspective.

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taffetacat · 02/05/2010 21:56

Goodness you can't be a perfect parent all the time. Most normal people IMO lose it at some point, even if they don't admit it. I find it really hard when mine are whiney, which is normally when they are feeling rotten ( about to come down with something, teething etc ).

I just can't cope with whining all day, so have to get out. It sounds like you do need some time for you, or maybe do something for you with your DS, you say nothing is pleasing him at the moment so you may as well do something to please yourself! +++++++
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fustyarse · 03/05/2010 09:59

I feel a bit bad about implying my life is harder! I didn't mean it like that at all. I totally remember the days when I just had ds1 - we lived abroad and dh was away quite a lot - it was very very hard some days. And I was (and still am) shouty some days! It's normal to feel down about being like that, but as racingheart points out, it's not such a bad thing for your dc to realise that people aren't all sweetness and light all day long...even mummy!

Hope you're feeling better today.

Original poster

LordVolAuVent · 03/05/2010 20:18

No don't feel bad! I'm sure it is harder in lots of ways.
Thanks to all, sometimes it's just nice to know you're not the only one who's not perfect!
Handed him over to my mum today - she was back from holiday and desperate to see him so I was more than happy to do it! Of course, he was a little angel for her and she wondered what i was complaining about, grr...!

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