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Parenting

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Original poster

I am such a shouty Mother!!!!!!!

29 replies

Hunty · 02/05/2010 18:42

Am I alone or does this affect most mums out there???? I used to be a laid back easy going soul, always (well mainly) in a good mood, never could be described as moody. Also my patience was at gold medal standard!!! Now since DS6 & DS2 came along I have slowly changed into this bad tempered person who shouts most of the time at the kids because the kids just don't seem to listen!!!!! they aren't naughty naughty, just frustrating at times and very demanding!!!!!!! I know longer feel laid back or easy going.....I just feel stress stress and more stress.....the Disney films aren't like that?!!!! Don't get me wrong I love my kids more than anything, but I sometimes don't recognise the person I have become if that makes sense. I have a supportive hubby, so I should not feel like this...BUT I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

scattyspice · 02/05/2010 18:44

Yup me too .

dalek · 02/05/2010 18:47

and me!

JackiePaper · 02/05/2010 18:48

and me

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nannynobnobs · 02/05/2010 18:50

I sometimes think that my neighbours must hate me. Whether I'm shouting to the kids to come in/get their shoes on/come for dinner/stop fighting. Both my neighbours are single childless and old, so they never shout or have kids running amok round their houses, so I don't know what it's like! maybe I am a horrible noisy neighbour and I am certainly a Shouty Mum

Lotkinsgonecurly · 02/05/2010 18:51

God me too. Am sure its not too bad for them though. Following on from another thread, we've given up aspartamine ( or however you spell it).

Only been a couple of day but not seen any huge improvements...

Original poster

Hunty · 02/05/2010 18:57

Phew, based on that i am feeling a little more normal! Think my neighbours must wonder what the kids have actually done at times........the thing is it usually isn't anything major major for me to lose my rag, just not doing the simple things and dragging stuff out...those things seem to really push my buttons!!!! Have tried all the Super Nanny tips, eye level, time out, privaledges withdrawn.........my two seem to be bothered for 2 minutes then seem to forget and go back straight into the frustrating ways!

OP posts:

nimbs · 02/05/2010 21:31

I used to pride myself on not being a shouty mummy AT ALL and I was just a little bit smug - then my ds turned 2 and dd was born not long after Now at 6 and very nearly 4 they drive me demented most days - aagh - am hoping this is just a phase and they will grow out of it - please by the time they are 7 and 5 but unlikely!

Poor poor neighbours - on one side we have flats which are all let out to single men - on the other a lovely couple who have a 10 year old, so they can sympathise but as he is their one and only am not sure if they understand the utter horror of siblings fighting - well at least my two are educating them in that one!! It's nice to know that I'm not alone.

AntoinetteOuradi · 02/05/2010 21:35

nimbs, you are describing my bickering DS and DD, with exactly the same age gap.

Poohbearsmom · 02/05/2010 21:48

am hoping IM just going through a phase but im gone very shouty... If any reformed shouty mums come along with any tips id be very grateful
your certainly not alone hunty xxx

SpringHeeledJack · 02/05/2010 21:52

you certainly aren't alone...I was a smug and peaceable mum when I had one child

then I had two more

now my voice is frequently croaky from the amount of shouting I do

a lot of it is to make myself heard above constant din

mylovelymonster · 02/05/2010 21:57

Hell, me too. Hate it.

zapostrophe · 02/05/2010 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

taffetacat · 02/05/2010 22:04

Another shouter here

If I whisper this very quietly, please don't jinx it. DS, 6.5, does seem to be turning a corner. He has always been a challenging boy but just the last month, I am seeing some chinks of light.

< whispers cautiously > He seems to be becoming a rather nice decent chap.

DD 3.9, however, is turning from dream girl into more normal 3.9 year old iykwim. I can't shout at her though. DS ignores me when I shout, DD hides behind furniture.

scattyspice · 03/05/2010 09:40

Sorry nimbs, mine are 5 and nearly 7.

ADuckCalledBill · 03/05/2010 09:47

Oh add me to the list. I adore my children but sometimes I wonder if they think I don't even like them. They have no regard for whether I am doing something when they come along with their latest 'muuuuuuummy...can I/ds said/when are we...' - of course they are children so I can expect nothing more but I either snap or launch straight into shouting. My patience level is just non-existant. Grr.

ADuckCalledBill · 03/05/2010 09:48

Oh and mine are the same ages as scatty's.

eandh · 03/05/2010 09:55

me too dd's are 5 and 3 and I seem to shout for at leats 75% of the time they are bothg in the house (if only one of them here I do alot less shouting) its the constant get something out play for 2 mins then leave it on the floor (we noe have a sticker chart for this) and the constant squabbling, this morning dd1 was moaning as dd2 was breathing too loudly near her

Saturday was awful as both girls went to bed later than normal and got up at 5.30 and miserable and cranky and DH escaped out on his bike to get away from everyone shouting/screaming/moaning. Yesterday was a bit better but frustrating as it rained all day so couldnt get outside and today they are back to arguing (dd2 is partciulary prone to slapping dd1 so need to curb that) but dh is at work so just me here. Thankfully we only have one neighbour and she is old and deaf and can't hear me if I am talking to her so doubt she hears the shouting

overmydeadbody · 03/05/2010 10:10

You're not alone but you can change.

You need the book 'how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk, and implement it.

Remember that shouting doesn't make your kids be less demanding or better behaved, it just elevates your stress levels.

Sometimes I pretend I'm being filmed and everyone in the nation are watching you live, and then pretend to act the way you would want people to see you act. It really does help.

Another thing I do is pretend I am a really calm composed perfect mum and just 'act' the part, even if inside all I want to do is shout and scream. It helps.

screamingskull · 03/05/2010 10:16

another shouty here.

Sometimes i wish things would get done with out having to repeat time and time again so that i end up shouting.

will keep an eye out for that book,thanks

ADuckCalledBill · 03/05/2010 10:20

OMDB - 'Another thing I do is pretend I am a really calm composed perfect mum and just 'act' the part, even if inside all I want to do is shout and scream. It helps.'

Is that not terrible for your stress levels?! Internalising (or however you say that) your anger?

foureleven · 03/05/2010 10:32

"right thats it if I hear you or even see you again in the next ten minutes you will be in your room for the rest of the day!!!!!!"

overmydeadbody · 03/05/2010 11:20

ADuckcalledbill funnily enough no it isn't, it doesn't internalise my anger, it difuses it, acting calm and in control has the effect of relieving the pressure and making me more calm, I promise.

Perhaps because instead of escalating the stress levels for everyone by me being angry and DS then getting upset or angry as well he calms down and then I genuinely calm down too and we resolve the matter and both have a hug and feel better.

It doesn't internalise anything because I still deal with the issue, but just the way I imagine a perfect parent would, rather than a stressed end-of-her-tether parent might

overmydeadbody · 03/05/2010 11:24

screamingskull I have found that repeating myself like a broken record without getting emotional about it has the effect of making DS do whatever it is, simply because it annoys him so much to have me repeat the same thing in a calm collected tone over and over again, but he can't get cross and shout because I am not shouting.

me: "pick your pyjamas up and put them in the dirty wshing"

DS ignores me

me: "pick your pyjamas up and put them in the dirty wshing"

DS huffs and puffs

me: "pick your pyjamas up and put them in the dirty wshing"

DS "in a minute"

me: "pick your pyjamas up and put them in the dirty wshing"

DS picks his pyjamas up and puts them in the dirty washing.

I didn't have to shout. I get on with MNing without dirty washing all over the floor. Result!

shockers · 03/05/2010 11:32

I used to pretend I was someone else. She was called Mrs Eccles and had a kind of Mary Poppins type persona. I would suddenly start to speak in a very prim and controlled manner and the children would clap and squeal "Mrs Eccles is here!". They would tell 'her' all about what they had been doing that day.

I found slipping into character helped me to calm down and gave the children a break from whatever anti-social behaviour they were engaged in.

Little by little, the need for Mrs Eccles became less as they got older. I miss her though... I liked the escapism.

The children suffered no lasting damage.

screamingskull · 03/05/2010 11:32

ha cheers OMDB must try and keep more calm while asking him to do things.

Think more likely that he knows if he just ignores me i will end up doing it therefore thats why i end up getting stressed.

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