crap mother wanting help..

[Clarabumps]

i'm sure ive posted something like this before on here but feel the need to vent and see if anyone else feels like this. i have two boys aged 1 and 2.10 and am a sahm. I dont know where to begin.. i feel like such a crap mother. I have no motivation at all. I dont feel like i do anything useful with my kids, i just muddle through the day untill its time to get them to bed. cbeebies is pretty much my saviour at the moment and i feel soooo guilty all the time.
Im so bored im close to tears most days. I try and do activities with them but it seems to always turn into a fight or a tantrum with either one of them.
Im trying to potty train ds2 and its going ok(3rd attempt) but i feel emotionally exhausted.
i try really hard to keep on top of the washing/ironing/general tidying but i spend my whole life looking after the boys and being a housewife and i feel like theres nothing to show for it.

dp comes into a nice dinner every night and the house in a reasonably tidy state and then i have to chat away and put my happy face on as he thinks when im upset its somehow a reflection on our life. that i'm not happy with us. Its not that but im just so bloody lonely and unfulfilled. i resent that he gets to leave and have some time away from us even though he works really long hours.i dont have a minute to scratch my head and yet i get nothing done. I dont know where i have gone. i just feel like a caretaker.

ive been to loads of mother and toddler groups and soft play groups but i live in a really small town and everyone seems to just loooove being a mum. I just feel as though im doing this half-arsed. The boys are such a handful and i know that comes with the territory of having two small ones. i just cant seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel.help/sugguestions anyone?anyone else even feeling like this..

Hi Clarabumps. Your first paragraph could have been written by me, except that mine would also have something along the lines of " i get so angry so quickly and I hate it - I've turned into a horrible shouty mum"
Even as I write my 2 (DS4, DD2) are watching cbeebies. It is a lifesaver, but I then feel guilty for letting them watch too much...
and yes I do that thing of not letting DH know and this
"Its not that but im just so bloody lonely and unfulfilled. i resent that he gets to leave and have some time away from us even though he works really long hours.i dont have a minute to scratch my head and yet i get nothing done. I dont know where i have gone. i just feel like a caretaker." could also be me.
Don't have much advice really, just wanted to let you know - it's not just you.
maybe tomorrow will be better.

thanks for that.. thats the thing. i do think theres not much that can be done apart from goingback to work which isnt really an option as i'll still have everything to do when i come in. I feel so guilty as i sometimes really dont want to be a mum anymore.. its like everything rests on me. that seems so selfish even writing that. I know that thats what a mums job is..i just wish i could have a break from all of it and again. even being a partner.
i just want sometimes not to have to talk to anyone.ust some there is just some days where
i just need to know i'm not the only one.

i too am becoming a shouty mum. i can feel rage burning up in my throat and i have to walk away for fear of shouting then bursting into tears.

i'm so tired as well. i go to bed at half 9 or ten and when i wake up at 7 i feel like i've been out on a bender with the rolling stones. i think i just need a moan at someone. and a glass of wine..its only half three though.
Thanks xx

I have to admit that there are some days when I am clock watcing for not only kids bedtime but also slightly thinking " how soon can I have a glass of wine?" lol.
Do you ever get the chance to have a whole day/ weekend away? My DH looked after the kids for a whole 36 hours a while ago (long while ago ) and it was bliss - I had to go to a meeting in another city. But also just had some time just sitting, drinking coffee etc. Of course coming back was a downer in a way cos everything just carries on but having that break was great.
And I do think that it is really hard when everyone else seems to be coping/ enjoying it.
But remember that we all put on happy faces to other people - they may feel exactly the same as us inside- they just don't say it.

I know exactly what you mean. Very soon the eldest will be in nursery and you will get a little bit of sanity. Try and get a babysitter/childminder/nursery at least once a week and do something for yourself. The other thing is, get plenty of suitable outdoor toys for the back garden (a lot of ours were second hand) and let them spend a good amount of time playing in the garden. I find they dont seem too bad outside. Make sure DH takes you out too.

Its not that easy going back to work because setting off in a morning is usually a nightmare and then getting home at night co-inciding with tea time and everyone being tired is an even bigger nightmare, and you will be more tired. I thought this was the answer, but then couldnt wait to pack it in!

This is probably your toughest time, my first two were 14 months apart and so I feel your pain! Two/three year olds are plain testing and one year olds are very very demanding and draining. It will get better.....

Ive known lots of Mums who feel like this- and part of my job was to help parents 'cope' .....what I think always helped and I certainly applied to my own children when they were small is this...

Being a sahm is a full time job however it neednt be full time hours ,everyday do your tidying with specific jobs in each room ie beds changed monday- oven/grill tuesday-windows weds-fridge and cupboard front thursday etc etc ......you have until 12 pm to do your chores ....after 12 pm is time to enjoy being with your dc get a list of places to visit park/softplay/library/aunty sheilas etcetc and build this into your habits - book a hair appointment and go and lookat it like your 'treat'.

I think its v easy to get stuck in a rut like this during the winter but the summer months should help you feel a bit brighter.

Hi Clara
I have a ds who is 2.8yrs and a 2nd ds who is 14 months.
It's hard isn't it?
The only thing i really find that has helped me is sticking to a diary/routine.
This may sound really awful, but in order to actually spend some good quality time with the ds's, I have to rota it in to my day.
Currently we have 2 sessions a day of just basic play but where they get 100% attention, so no tv, no laptop, no phones etc etc.
They are 11am until 11:30 am and then 2pm until 2:30pm.
I even set a timer for it and when it goes off, I can get on with something eklse and the boys play together for a while.
I found that this way, they know there are regular times where they get my full attention, and I know there are times I have actively put aside for just them.
I know 1 hour a day isn't much, but that's not all we do.
Ds1 helps me with the shopping, we go to the park, we see friends and so on.
I also recently bought and read 'The Incredible Years' which has realloy helped me in changing not only ds1's behaviour, but my reactions and responses to it.

Will your elder one start a pre-school type thing in September after he's 3? You are entitled to 15 hours a week from the term after they turn 3. Then you will get a bit of structure to your day, time with the little one and life may well feel a bit better.

fwiw, I think we all feel like this, and pre-schoolers are really hard in this respect. Once they get to school age, althoug in many ways it's busier, you don't have that awful thing of preparing yourself for 10 - 12 hours on your own of amusing the children.

Silvery moon. That sounds great about the rota thingy. I think if i could at least say that i had spent some quality time with them..concentrated time. I might feel less guilty. I will pop onto amazon just now and try to get that book.Ive had loads of good responses.
its just so good to hear that to hear this is normal. i feel like i just need to hear it. i spoke with dp and we discussed me going back to work.im going to give it a or so month and see how we get on. It does give me food for thought.