crap mother wanting help..

[Clarabumps]

i'm sure ive posted something like this before on here but feel the need to vent and see if anyone else feels like this. i have two boys aged 1 and 2.10 and am a sahm. I dont know where to begin.. i feel like such a crap mother. I have no motivation at all. I dont feel like i do anything useful with my kids, i just muddle through the day untill its time to get them to bed. cbeebies is pretty much my saviour at the moment and i feel soooo guilty all the time.
Im so bored im close to tears most days. I try and do activities with them but it seems to always turn into a fight or a tantrum with either one of them.
Im trying to potty train ds2 and its going ok(3rd attempt) but i feel emotionally exhausted.
i try really hard to keep on top of the washing/ironing/general tidying but i spend my whole life looking after the boys and being a housewife and i feel like theres nothing to show for it.

dp comes into a nice dinner every night and the house in a reasonably tidy state and then i have to chat away and put my happy face on as he thinks when im upset its somehow a reflection on our life. that i'm not happy with us. Its not that but im just so bloody lonely and unfulfilled. i resent that he gets to leave and have some time away from us even though he works really long hours.i dont have a minute to scratch my head and yet i get nothing done. I dont know where i have gone. i just feel like a caretaker.

ive been to loads of mother and toddler groups and soft play groups but i live in a really small town and everyone seems to just loooove being a mum. I just feel as though im doing this half-arsed. The boys are such a handful and i know that comes with the territory of having two small ones. i just cant seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel.help/sugguestions anyone?anyone else even feeling like this..

If money is ok I would put your eldest in nursery for a couple of mornings a week
do you get out much? I often didn't feel like it but I made myself get out once a day, even if it was just to the supermarket
tbh going back to work one morning a week was the break I needed
does your dh take them both out for a couple of hours at the weekend to give you a break? My dh takes mine swimming on Sunday mornings to give me a break

Put your kids in nursery and get a job. Not everyone is happy at home looking after kids. I certainly wasn't. It doesn't make you a bad mom. In fact it makes you a better mom to make sure that you are doing the best for you as well as your kids. My kids are better off if I am happy and I spend lots more quality time with them than many of the sahm's that I know. Also remember, that the age that your dc's are at, is really hard and tiring and there really aren't very many moms who are perky and happy with kids that age (even if there are lots of moms who pretend to be perky and happy).

i do normally get out everyday but with potty training i've been restricted to where i can go..thats prob why this has all came to a head. anyways, i think i need break.. dp is great with the kids when im there but turns into a mess when its just him. he turns into a huffy teenager as though i've abandoned him.then its not a break.. will look into nursery though. could do with some time away. xx

OK - abandon the potty training for now. It shouldn't take three attempts. Tell him that The Rule is that nappies aren't allowed during the day after your third birthday - you get cake and presents, but the nappies go. It's just one of those facts of life. Mine have bought this completely.

And go out of the house. Often - even if the weather's shite, even if you can't be arsed - just do it. Run around the park, feed ducks, do anything. It does everyone good and makes small boys better behaved when they're inside.

And try to have fun with them - even if you know you're faking it to start with, after a while you'll realise you don't need to fake.

And then, think about a job. Don't feel guilty, FGS. It's a bloody hard stage, and it does get easier.

I agree about the job - my mate had 14 mnth old boy + twin boys, and she started work in a pub sunday lunchtimes (hubbie had boys) - a real sanity life saver... I had to work for financial reasons as soon as my paid maternity finished, and although its part time, I would have been very bored at home with little ones ... but by the time they are 2.5 years, they get really intersting and I enjoy being with my kids more and more each year...

Also, sounds terrible, but boys especially need to be exercised daily... they need fresh air, kick about with a ball, climbing... (they make your life hell if you don't do it)

Also my mum always said, if you have a house, a hubbie, a job and kids ... somthing will slip, and its better to have a dirty house

Oh - and never do more than I hour cleaning a day (2 hours at weekend) set the rule now, and if your partner complains just ignore him or tell him to do it himself

and finally No tv for adults in the morning - it kills your brain)

hon - cut yourself some slack. You are in the toughest bit, honestly. It's soooo hard when they are that small. I clearly remember one morning in the same situation, just trying to get out of the back door with a basket of wet washing to put it in the dryer in the garage, 2.9 year old crying about something, 1 year old crawling after me, pushing door closed with my hip to stop him crawling out, catching his fingers in the door, collapsing in a tearful heap, thinking oh my god I can't get anything done, no-one was dressed, breakfast things everywhere......nightmare.

It all about real lows and giddy highs in your situation - I remember feeling really happy when I was with my SAHM friends, all out somewhere, kids all playing nicely, having coffee, etc. and then many lows like the one I describe above. And no real rest when they were awake - I'd find myself poised in the kitchen, waiting for youngest one to wake from nap/oldest one to demand a drink, not daring to sit down as I knew I'd only have to get up again straight away.

Reduce the guilt of TV by having it on only at certain times, when you can gain the maximum benefit from them watching it and being quiet. Go out, like posters have suggested, even if it's to post an imaginary letter. It does get easier I promise. And yes, I went back to work when my youngest was 15 months.

It does get easier. You´re in the darkest part of the tunnel, having two little ones so close together is incredibly difficult and you really struggle to see the light. My DC are 5 and 3.7 now and the change is dramatic from those baby years. I would definitely think about nursery for the eldest, he´ll probably really enjoy it and going out and doing things with just one is much easier, so you can escape the monotony of CBeebies. Don´t despair, I reckon you´re doing well just getting through each day in one piece. The tantrums will pass and in turn you can relax a bit more and will feel more like going out and doing stuff without it all ending in a shouting match. Slowly, slowly...