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Are you more "biased" towards children who are more like you were as a child?

4 replies

Cobweb95 · 29/04/2010 09:30

Not sure that's the best way to put it, but can't think of a better explanation.

What is mean is....I was a very shy, anxious child. Never spoke up in a group, missed out on things like treats at parties because I didn't come forward or say anything. I seem to have turned out ok anyway, but, now I notice that I tend to want to stand up for kids who seem to be like that.

I was thinking about this recently when dd(4) had 2 little boys over to play. One of them is very quiet and shy, he's only recently felt comfortable enough to come over without his mum. The other is the complete opposite, nice kid but really loud and dominant. He tries to control everything and boss the others around if they let him. My dd is pretty good at standing up for herself and negotiating (she's number 3!) but the other little boy was being pushed around too much, imo. We had one bike and 2 boys and they both wanted it first. It was obvious who was going to win the fight (I tried to leave them to sort it out) and instinctively I just wanted to let the shy boy have it first. I'm aware that's not necessarily fair! But I remember being in that kind of situation at that age and it's horrible.

I've noticed that the dominant boy's mum seems to think it's all fine and good that her ds is "assertive" as she puts it. She's a very dominant sort of person herself.

Just interested to hear other's views on this really....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
angel886 · 30/04/2010 01:14

I haven't had this experience since being a mum but I used to help out at a church group for children aged 5-8. I did find myself more sypathetic towards the ones who I felt were too shy to join in and tried harder with them. I once did rig a christmas pass the parcel so the less popular child won

colditz · 30/04/2010 01:17

angel, that is what pass the parcel is FOR

Chandra · 30/04/2010 01:23

I don't know, I was shy, and I hated it, and eventually, with a lot of work, I stopped being so.

I am afraid that although the first thing I would do would be trying to help the child to relax and feel comfortable, if the child doesn't respond I leave it at that and concentrate in the other children. But that's perhaps because I'm afraid that if I insist the child will start crying.

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KristinaM · 30/04/2010 01:34

One of my children has a similar personality to me and I'm aware I find it much easier to understand him. The one who is like my Dh totally confuses me , Im always saying

" But WHY is he doing that?????"

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