My 3 yr old is driving me mad

[mumtotwoboys]

He won't sleep until about 10pm, then he gets up at 6-7am and starts demanding 'mummy get up'. He can wake up having full on tantrums too.
He's obviouly tired as he's whining and screaming at stupid things in the day. He got the milk out and poured it into his breakfast bowl and carried on pouring until it was all over the table and floor, when I took it off him he had a screaming tantrum.
He isn't asking for things he'll just start grunting and wailing.
I have a 2 week old aswell and could REALLY DO WITH a fucking nap.
He passes out on the floor at nursery because he's tired.
He won't lay down for a nap in the afternoon.
Yesterday he woke up at 7 and didn't go to sleep until half 10, no naps. I thought that meant he would at least then let me sleep until 8-9am, no such luck, he was up at the crack of dawn again, 6am.

I come downstairs half dead, give him breakfast, sit down, he starts throwing chairs over and generally wrecking the place, then demanding thomas the tank engine, which he already watched two hours of last night so I could have a break. So I said no, I put my music on as I am kind of the parent, you know.

When I try to tidy he will follow me around untidying, the house has been messy for days.
I've had enough, I'm shouting at him constantly (when he's naughty of course) like throwing his drink on the floor on purpose. The neighbours probably think I'm terrible.
I can't get the incentive to tidy as he just wrecks the place again.

I cannot believe this the pram has a flat tyre so I'm having to walk him the nursery again today and carry the baby, it's a 30 minute wal each way when I'm on my own, with him ysterday it took 50 minutes. He will stop and try going the opposite way constantly, yesterday I said 'get here now I will fucking drag you if I have to'
People in the street must think I'm the worst parent ever.
I'm just so sleep deprived and I get so angry.
I'm not looking forward to getting through today, I know there will be trouble getting him to nursery and back.

HAD ENOUGH!

NB. No family or friends, we moved here alone

You poor thing, you must be so tired.

First of all, bugger the tidying. You have a 2 week old, tidying doesn't matter. Where is dh in this, is he helpful?

How do you get ds to go to sleep?

We had a problem with dd refusing to go to sleep and finding every excuse to stall, so her bed time was getting later and later. She was waking up lots in the night as well, so I had to do something.

I don't know if what we did will help you, but I'll tell you about it anyway just in case.

I did a bedtime routine, bath, milk, story and then into bed. I started being firm with her, so 'one story then bed, you can have more milk in the morning'. I think doing the same thing in the same order as much as possible helps them to know that bed and sleep is coming next.

I then spent a few nights sitting with her until she went to sleep. She was crying but I was there next to her. If she got out of bed I put her back in straight away. It took more than an hour at first for her to go to sleep.

Then on about the 5th night I put her in the bed and went outside the room. She came out of the room a few times but I put her back in her bed. I think you just have to keep doing this and they get the message quite quickly.

It worked so within the week she was going to bed at a reasonable time and sleeping through. Last night she slept from about half seven to half seven this morning.

How was he before the baby was born?
It sounds to me like he is reacting to the new baby and is trying to get your attention.
My DS who is 3.7 is the biggest boundary pusher and he is driving us insane at the moment. I am so sick of loosing it with him so I feel your pain.
Can you go back to basics and ignore the bad and praise the good.
He wants your attention so try not to give it to him when he is trying to wind you up.
With regard to the sleeping does he react well to reward charts? Could you try that? A reward for going to bed before 8pm for a number of nights in a row.

You are exhausted and I think you need to try and keep the solutions really simple.

Yes he might be regressing because of the baby. Right now probably not the time to do what we did, better to wait until things are more settled if considering this.

Iwishiwerewitty is right - try simple things for now and give give yourself a break because you are bound to be stressed at this stage, and ds is bound to be unsettled. It is all perfectly normal.

Thank you for not being harsh with me, I feel like I'm being an awful mum.
We co-sleep, him in his own bed right now is too much of a massive step to think about, don't want to get into that.
So we all go to bed, brush teeth etc, turn light out. He will carry on jumping on the bed even in the dark which gets me mad as obviously my newborn startles at being bumped up and down and it's dangerous. He can mess around for upto an hour at night while it's dark and quiet.
I could make bedtime more regimented I guess.
My problem is him waking up early though and generally just us both being irritable in the day.
There's no DH or partner, or father at all.

It's soo depressing having a messy house and I can't get the tire off the pram wheel to try and fix it, I'm not strong enough
Don't know how the heck I'm gonna carry shopping home

Thanks besom I guess it is al normal and we'll get through it..

Could you not check freecycle for a pram in your area just until you can fix your one?

Im really feeling for you here. Wherebouts are you? My DS is at nursery all day today I could maybe pop round and give you a hand with some of the tidying up if you are nearby.

Could you contact Homestart and see if they have a volunteer who will come and play with your DS1 or help withe some chores? You are in a really tough situation, never mind how your DS1 behaves anyone would find it tough.

Just get through the next few weeks and then you can start to think about sleep routines etc. Don't be hard on yourself in the meantime. Sod the housework, just keep yourselves fed warm and clean(ish).

mumtotwoboys - internet shopping! Could be an answer for you. We would all be very very thin and waif-like in this house without it...

You guys are great.
I live in Nottingham, do you live nearby? =)

I was thinking I need to get another homestart refferal, just having people here is a great incentive to tidy, otherwise I'm blahh about it, must remember to take iron medicine.
I have asked on freecycle about a pram someone's offering :-)
and will use internet shopping if we're stil pramless on friday

We did manage to get to nursery again today, my son fell down/threw himself down about 5 times, lots of screaming, took us 45 minutes to get there. He was so tired I had to pull him into the school and he was on the floor whining again when we got into the classroom and I asked if they could get him some water.
I nearly burst into tears when we arrived, so embarrasing.
The sling goes over one shoulder so is hurting.
Then I went to the children's centre young parent's group to fill in a few hours but I ended up leaving early because I'm just not a people person, so bad at making friends, but I wish I had someone to talk to, I was just on the verge of crying all day, still am.
But my son did well at nursery (only his third day) and we all got back in one piece, anyway.

Thanks everyone xx

Hi,
I really feel for you, sounds so difficult. My situation was different but when I had DD I really struggled and have no family or friends that would or could help. My health visitor referred me to Home Start and I had a lady come every week for 2 hours and she was amazing. They are volunteers and although not baby sitters as such they will keep the children entertained while you get things done, mine took the baby out for a walk in the pram a few times while I got some sleep but that depends on you and your trust of them, they'll listen if you want to talk or help with things like if you wanted to go shopping or to the docs or something and needed some support. I really feel I owe my sanity to the lady that came to me and I couldn't recommend them more so would be well worth you having a chat and seeing if you could get something arranged x

I'll definately ask the children's centre to refer me, thanks, sounds like a good move

mumtotwoboys I feel for you too. Be kind to yourself. Dont beat yourself up for loosing the rag with him (gosh i do it with mine and im not in your situation).

I spend a lot of time telling my DS that im happy to help solve his problem if he is a clever big boy and uses all his clever words to tell me what the problem is.

I've never been a co sleeper but DS and DD have been in there own rooms as soon as i could. I have them in their rooms at bedtime, one story and regardless of whether asleep or not they are not allowed to come out of room. I dont know why its worked. Just have to try lots of different things and hopefully one will stick.

The house always got me, everyone always said not to worry but i cant cope even now with mess all time. Get quite depressed by it. Maybe homestart could come and let you sleep, tidy whatever you feel will help you.

Good luck

Hi - just saw your thread - lots of people with great advice - thought I'd chip in that you don't need the children's centre to refer you to Home Start, you can self-refer:

here.

Also, I also find one-shoulder slings uncomfortable, but this has to be the most comfy sling ever:
Moby Wrap. I would lend you mine but I've already lent it to another friend with a newborn!

That sounds really great if you went to a group at the children's centre - I'm sure at eleast half the other mums there were feeling nervous about talking to other people. You could try approaching one of the organisers at the centre? In my experience of children's centres they have always been really friendly and keen to make you feel included. You could maybe say something like "I'm new to this group and I don't kniow anyone, could you introduce me to someone" or something.

And finally, you mention that you really would like to speak to someone - Parentline Plus is a free telephone / email / webchat helpline and it might help to talk to someone you don't know?

I only have one DD so I can't offer any personal advice, but just to say I hope that you have a better day tomorrow, and that you get some support for you and your family.

You sound so completely normal.
I agree it sounds like he's rebelling a little at the arrival of your newborn, especially as it sounds like he's been used to one on one attention from you.

I think routine is absolutely the key, not a strict regimented day, but key areas of the day particularly bedtime need to be routine. I wanted to keep my eldest 2 boys routines the same when baby arrived and as soon as hubbie was back at work after a coupe of weeks i was all alone, post c-section with 3 boys. If keeping the eldest 2 settled meant, leaving the baby for half an hour, or keeping them up later so baby could feed i did it.

I wish i was in nottingham, it sounds like you need a good chat and some play mates for your son.

Mumsnet is a godsend, chat as much as you need to.

... and remember you're a good mom, its not supposed to be easy, and you're doing a great job. The mess can wait. i remember crying for weeks at around 4 months after my youngest 2 were born, because the house was a tip and i didn't have enough sleep. seriosuly thought i was heading for depression, but my mom bought me a selectiong of vitamins and a few words of comfort and after a week or so i was back to normal.

Its early days for you all, give yourself a break