Is my parenting style normal?

[NoseyNooNoo]

I don't think I'm coping very well. Lately I've been really 'short' with my children. I have a DD aged 3.7yrs and DS aged DS aged 1.8yrs. They seem so naughty at the moment and I just blow up at them, screaming at her for playing with her food again, not letting me change his pooey nappy, trying to get in the washing up bowl again, not getting in the car again etc.

You see it all sounds so trivial so why am I blowing up at them?

I was depressed (I suspect the tail-end of PND) and started taking Citalopram (20mg). I have considered going back to GP for a higher dosage of 'happy pills' but perhaps lots of mums blow up at their children. In which case, how do I stop blowing up at my children?

Any ideas?

Patience, patience!

Both at tricky ages, you know don't you that the shoutier you are they more they will act up.

Do you get any time to yourself, 2 under 5s is pretty hard going.

Turn everything into a game, the little darlings are more willing to do something if it doesn't seem like a chore.

I know I need patience - I just don't know where to buy it!

Yes, I know being shouty doesn't work - one cries when I do it and the other one laughs!

Not sure about the games - how do I make cleaning a dirty nappy a game - I'm usually wrestling with him, trying to stop the room or his hands being plastered in poo.

You need a break and the option to walk away sometime. Is that possible?

(and if you find a good online stockist of Patience, let me know - especially if they do bulk discounts)

I do get some me-time because DD is at pre-school for 3 mornings a week and DS goes to childminder at the same time so that I can study.

Sorry to bump my own thread - does anyone else have any thoughts?

Read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Also Winning Parent, Winning Child by Jan Fortune Wood.

Those are the two books that made the most difference to my parenting.

You're not abnormal in losing your rag. I lose my rag a great deal, but I do know how I oughtt to be getting things done, and how I ought to be talking to my children and when I manage it, it works fantastically.

Thanks for that tip. I've heard good things about the first book.

its awful at that stage. It gets better, you just have to plough through it.

ds1 and 2 are 4 and 6 now and a lot better but if I think back to when they were that age I think it was bloody hard work and I was constantly exhausted.

You say you study in the free time you have - that can be good but it still has pressures of deadlines. It is for you but its not necessarily restorative iyswim.

Can you get out with friends for an evening or join a gym/exercise class just to get you out of the house?

I found The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley very good. As well as lots of practical stuff that can be used with toddlers there is a big section on managing your own expectations and anger- which I think can be more useful than all the parenting strategies and techniques out there.

I just accept that for every few nappy changes/getting dresssed on time/throwing food on the floor occasions there will be one where no amount of playing, singing, distracting will work. So, I just resign myself to it.
What you describe, though, is not 'naughty'-perfectly normal behaviour.
I find that telling the kids what you'll do next, 'now we'll change the nappy, then we'll go for a walk' works most ties, and when it doesn't then I just do it, calmly. DD has learned now that any resistance is futile

I can really relate to how you are feeling. My three DC are all in school now (they are 4, 5 and 7), but when they were all under school age life did sometimes feel like one long battle. You mention that you are also studying, which I was too (with the OU), which takes up more time as well. I felt like I spent most of my day shouting at the DC, which inturn of course made them worse.

A friend of mine (with three slightly older children) recommended this book which I did find really helped me to think about why I was shouting. I'm not a Buddhist, but an awful lot of the ideas in the book made sense.

I'm certainly not perfect, and still lose my temper far too often, but I can at least put things into perspective a bit better now.