Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

2 and a half year age gap?

20 replies

Psammead · 26/04/2010 20:23

Does anyone have any experience of having children with a 2 and a half year age gap?

I'd love to hear about how it was as DH and I are trying to decide when to start trying again.

Anyone else have any thoughts of a good/bad age gap between children?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

neolara · 26/04/2010 20:29

It's lovely. Worked so well for us, we did it again!

daisy243 · 26/04/2010 21:20

Tis great! First one is out of nappies/cot and can feed themself! Now they are 3 and 5 and a half they play wonderfully well. I had a great time with 1st dd until 2nd dd arrived and I'm now having a nice time with 2nd dd now 1st dd is at school.
Perfect for me!

bitsnbobs · 26/04/2010 21:36

Mine have, they are like buddies now as they are close in age (5&8). Only downside was Ds 1 was going through a tantrumy phase when Ds 2 was a baby but we got through it!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

RabbitAndCo · 26/04/2010 21:39

It's good. DD1 old enough to look after herself (well you know what I mean) by the time DD2 born. We were actually aiming for a much smaller age gap but took us a year to conceive the second one - and I'm really glad!

LynetteScavo · 26/04/2010 21:43

OK, so just me who hated it then.

I had a 4 year gap between DSs, then a 2.3 gap between DS and DD.

2yo tantrums while heavily pg, and helping toddler on to potty whilst breast feeding.With hindsight, I wish I'd waited and had a bigger gap. But lots of people do it, so it's probably just me who wouldn't do it again.

Feelingsensitive · 27/04/2010 11:46

Thats the gap between my DD aged 4.5 and DS sged 2. It works really well. The only time I find it a problem is in the park when DD is 6ft in the air hanging off a climbing frame whilst DS is running head on for a swing. They play well together and want to share a room. They like watching the same programmes and similar things interest them. Trying to remember back to the beginning - apart from the usual nightmare first few weeks of feeding/no sleep that you get with every new born it wasnt too bad. DD was old enough at 2.5 to help, as in she would be able to get nappies and so on. DD was sleeping well by the time DS was born so at least I was only getting up to one. DD was also potty trained by then so only one set of nappies to pay for and deal with. They do fight over toys but I just confiscate them which sorts it out. As age gaps go I think its quite good but I think there are pros and cons to each.Good luck.

Alaro · 27/04/2010 11:59

Well I have a 3.5 yr gap so can't speak from experience but ... My friend has 3 girls; 2.9yrs between dd1 & dd2 and 2.2 yrs between dd2 and dd3. She would not recommend under 2.5 yrs between children as the 2yr old still very much needs you whereas over 2.5 yrs they may well be at preschool for a couple of mornings which is lovely alone time for you and baby. That said, whatever age gap you have, you will consider to be the "perfect/right" gap for you and yours.

mummytime · 27/04/2010 12:11

Mine have 28 month gap. Now 13 and 11. They fight and play, lots of rivalry. DD the younger says she is the "neglected one" in our family. However it seems to be a better gap than much larger, as I have had friends children find it hard to bond, and have nothing in common.

Although DS and DD fight they do seem to be there for each other, and do play a lot. E.g. last nigh DD was very very upset, and her big brother gave her a big hug and let her cry on him.

So I'd say go for it. It can be tough at first but is worth it.

Gateau · 02/05/2010 23:52

fantastic. My boys have just turned 3 and six months and DS1 has so far - most of the time - been lovely with DS2. Now DS1 is making DS2 giggle loads and he looks adoringly at his big brother with his big, wide, toothy grin and Ds1 just loves it. It's gorgeous to watch. I just hope it continues and they become best of friends.
I would say 'go for it' and best of luck in doing so.
Yes, it can be hard work but really, really worth it.I love it.

milliemuffin · 03/05/2010 00:06

2y 5m between mine and all is good so far! DD is only 4mo so still learning but both kids are a joy to be around and we've just potty trained DS now that he's a BIG brother and we've had only 2 accidents (our fault) in 2 weeks, us and even DS himself are so proud

ginhag · 04/05/2010 22:04

This is not exactly an answer to the question you asked but one thing I would say is that if you are both sure that you want another and you are in a position to think about trying then please don't focus too much on the 'ideal gap'.

I'm saying this as I really wanted my children to be quite close in age (like me and my brother) and so started trying when ds was 12mo. However it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped... I was delighted when I got pg really fast, but at 12 week scan found out it was mmc. I was heartbroken and also realised how hung up I was on the gap that I wanted.

Since then have had a tubal mc and a very early mc...

Ds is now coming up to 2.4 and I'm not pregnant. I'm sure I will be, and ds will have a sibling, but who knows what the age gap will be... I'm trying not to worry about it.

I remember posting on mn after the first mc, worrying about having a larger gap, and so much of what I heard was that it is more down to your childrens' personalities than their ages as to how they get along. I hope it's true!

Please don't think I'm posting just to cast gloom on everything... it's only that it may take longer than you think, and the gap is not totally in your control, so I would say just go for it!

I hope this hasn't come across as some sort of nonsensical ramble...

McDreamy · 04/05/2010 22:06

We have exactly 2.5 year age gap between DD1 and DS - perfect. DD loved to "help" when DS was small and now (7 and 4.5) they play really well together.

Gateau · 04/05/2010 23:27

what made me say 'toothy' grin?! DS2 doesn't have a tooth in his head thus far!
What I meant to say was 'gummy' grin.
Sorry to hear about your losses, ginhag. Fingers crossed everything works out for you.

mumtotwoboys · 05/05/2010 00:15

Me, big and pregnant + son's typical 2/3yo screaming-on-floor-tantrums + in public + trying to catch buses/make appointments + him running into middle on main roads +me unable to physically chase/drag/carry him +me + judgemental strangers thinking you're an incompetant mother + typical incredibly stressed burst-into-tears moments=

All in all absolute hell at times,
and pretty damn dangerous.

Have fun

mumtotwoboys · 05/05/2010 00:28

oh I should add, if you can survive the pregnancy it seems to be good now baby is here.
But seriously my bump took many kicks, elbows etc.. from tantruming child, not exactly safe.
I would have left it another year in all honesty, at least so older child could have developed his speach enough to be able to reason wirth to keep him under control when out.
Having your child run screaming through hospital while theyre trying to scan you is not cool, and you may need a scan every week.
You may need to stay in hospital.
Do you have such a commited partner, are u ready to leave your older child, do you wanna have to drag/pick your screaming child off pavement when youre 8 months pregnant and can barely walk anyway? all questions u need to ask yourself! :-p

TheNextMrsDepp · 05/05/2010 00:41

Agree with ginhag, don't try to schedule your gap. Just get cracking! My two youngest DDs are 2-and-a-bit years apart and the best of friends. Two oldest, slightly smaller gap - can't stand each other. You never can tell. Personally I wanted to pop 'em out them fairly close together so I didn't draw out the whole "baby" thing; yes, it's majorly hard work at the beginning, and I don't know how I coped with three under-fours but that's all over now, and they're growing up together.

piprabbit · 05/05/2010 00:53

Another one agreeing with ginhag. Don't try and plan the gap, decide what the minimum gap is that you think you can handle and go with that. You might fall pregnant at once, or have a delay, or even have fertility issues second time around.

Whatever the gap, you will cope and you and your children will have good and bad days.

CoinOperatedGirl · 05/05/2010 01:59

Yes I agree with don't plan the gap, between my 1st and second child there was exactly 3 years and 1 month. I decided to get pregnant the second time, lo and behold a couple of weeks later I was pg with a succesful pg.

When it came to the third, I decided on a smaller gap, and again got pg first time round, then mc. We tried for a few months more and again became pg with pretty much the same gap as before.

I only had 1 mc and count myself pretty lucky tbh. There are no guarantees in life, if you want another baby(child) then try, and hope for the best .

toja555 · 11/05/2010 16:04

I only have one 2yo DS at the moment and preggie with No.2. The gap will be 2.5 years. I always wished for the second baby but now I am thinking that I was taken over by mass opinion that 2-3 years gap is the best. For myself, I personally could have waited for another year, as I don't like these fears "Oh, how will I cope?" But I do have them. I can't tell how it will be, but now I wish that I was on mat leave with No. 2 when I DS1 starts school, hence around 4 years gap. But I have what i have! Everyone copes!

slhilly · 11/05/2010 16:14

We have a 2y4m gap. Was OK for the first month, then frankly dire for the next 6m as DS got terribly upset and sad but couldn't properly articulate his loss to us. His sleep went to pot and it was a hideous strain. Big tip we learned: that whole SuperNanny thing of not looking your child in the eye while putting them back to bed at night if they get out is a really toxic idea if the basic problem is extreme anxiety about being excluded. Obvious in retrospect but just led to the most awful awful period that I still feel guilty about, that when he woke at night and came to find us, really needing a ton of reassurance and support, we instead literally cold-shouldered him.

BUT...

He turned a corner when he was coming up for 3 with the help of a great great sleep advisor and now the age gap is fantastic, because he and DD play beautifully together and are great pals, and we get some space and time for ourselves while they are together.

Flip