MILs!!

[bumbly]

last time i posted on mumsnet i got accused of being a pervert poo interested perosn but feel real low and mumsnet has alwyas been my way of getting help so will post again evne thoug may get slated again

today my mil says " this could be the start of complusive obsessvie disorder trust me as a professional ( retired primary school teacher)"

this is what happened

little one is tired and nearly bedtime looks out window and grandpa had put his most precious windmils somewhere not normally where he loves to leave them at end of day in garden - and cried "no no don;t like them there" - ok with a bit of fervour but nothing dramatic ansd that is me saying it...so i say "ok little one lets go otu and put them where you like" - simple i though and nothing to it

then MIL lands me with that bombshell and blah blah that at school he will learn not to get his way and i should teach him things sometimes cannot be as he wants and that behavious is start of autism/ocd.

it is only a F&*&^ windmill was my private mental response but am now so down been told this

You know, I don't want to sound too flippant about OCD - but when my DD was younger (she's 5 and at school now), I did think that living with a toddler reminds me of living with someone with OCD.
These little routines and how they like to know how things are 'right' I think are perfectly normal for small children - it helps them feel secure that all is well in the world.
My DD, in time and experience, has accepted things don't always go her way by now. And I'm sure your lad will too.
Maybe your MIL finds it tiresome as she doesn't have so much patience. I don't know.

Hi there bumbly.

Really, your dc, your rules. Don't worry about your Mil, bear in mind that she has probably forgotten an awful lot of what it was like to have children that age. I wouldn't spend anymore time thinking about it tbh.

Get your DS to move some of your MIL's things about, and see how 'OCD' she is about it!

It's perfectly normal and understandable for LO to want to know where their belongings are. As paisleyleaf says, it helps them feel secure.

thanks everyone! needed some reassurance!!!

little kids can be very particular about things so I wouldn't worry. You can always say to mil that you will keep it in mind

I honestly wouldn't listen to her. How dramatic, OCD! (don't want to be flippant). Children, baring in mind each child is different, like things a certain way and are wary of change.
You handle it in your own way, but remember that trying to satisfy every little 'discrepancy' your child comes across could lead to the behaviour getting worse and potentially developing into OCD like behaviour. Distraction techniques! I swear by them, once distracted you could put it right yourself if you feel you need to.

But I have a MIL that enjoys to stick her ore in, count to ten and ignore her!!!!

that sounds like perfectly normal toddler behaviour if you ask me. this would have to be much more extreme and would pertain to more than one thing if it were in any way something to worry about.

I agree that its probably sometimes best to help children learn that things aren't always going to be exactly as they want them, but at the end of the day when you/they are tired isn't necessarily the right time to teach that lesson is it...

Your mil pathologising behaviour like that is over-dramatic and really not constructive. Labelling children in that way can cause problems in itself. I would probably have told her (in a very diplomatic way of course) to mind her own business...

Well, it COULD be the start of OCD....

It COULD be the start of a wonderful career in garden design culminating in a Gold Medal at Chelsea.

It COULD be a blossoming interest in alternative energy....

So long as it wasn't dangerous or really disruptive, I used to find some of my DDs 'obsessions' really cute

DD puts all her teddies lined up a certain way every nihgt before bed.

Her cousin used to do exactly the same thing when she was 6.

Neither of them have OCD or Autism.

Children like order, and if I put some garden ornaments out I'd be very annoyed if someone went out and just moved them around.

Children are allowed to express preferences!

All the toddlers I know have certain little rituals that they 'have' to carry out. My DH often comments that our DS has OCD, but I tell him it is completely normal toddler behaviour. They thrive on routine and consistancy and they like to have certain things in certain places.

My DS (2.3) must have his octopus and nemo by one side of his pillow, then his thomas engine on the other side, facing a certain way, then his drink cup near his arm with the spout facing outwards. It makes me laugh.

We're all supposed to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I was just getting all uncomfortable on your DS behalf that he would have to leave something where it wasn't 'right'. Don't think I am autistic but stuff like that can bother me too and I'm an adult! Just because he's a child doesn't mean what he feels isn't important and he should be forced to change in preparation for school. He won't be able to behave like that in school (or shouldn't) but they have a funny habit of not doing it with their teachers.

Not her place to say. Politely tell her to leave the parenting to you