Have you ever smacked your child?

[luckywinner]

Because I did it today, to my nearly 5 yr old ds. And I feel absolutely hideous. He was so shocked, and then he sobbed, and I cried. I couldn't believe I had done it.

He had been screaming and shouting at me since I picked him up from school. I let them watch chuggington before bath time and when I turned off the tv he screamed and shouted at me, and hit me and kicked me. So I put him in his room and then went into the bathroom with dd (3) to try and ignore him. He then came storming in and punched me in the stomach. I just lost him and smacked him on the top of his arm. I just lost my temper and now I feel so so so guilty. I can't believe I did it and I feel so tearful now.

We had huge cuddles afterwards and I said I was so sorry and that I shouldn't have done that and I would never do it again. And I called dh and sobbed down the phone at him. When he got home early he went into the dc and ds told him that I had lost my temper and smacked him and it hurt and then I felt 5000 times worse.

Someone please come and tell me I am not the worst mother in the world as I am so upset.

I did once, copletely lost it with DS1 and smacked him on the leg, my hand was wet at the time.
I will never forget the sound or the red mark I left.
I felt so ashamed, adn even now 5 yrs on still do.
I have never ever done it again.

You are not the worst mothe in the world, you wouldnt feel so bad now if you were/

Aged 4-5 is an age I found very challenging in both my DS's, no one tells you about it though. It will pass.

You are not the worst mother in the world. Not by a long shot. At least you feel bad, know it won't happen again.

I have. And yes I was horrified at myself.

But you know, your DS also needs to know that it isn't OK to hit you. He needs to acknowledge that he was unkind too.

And Orm is right, he can not hit you either.

Babblington, that's what Dh said. At least you feel so bloody awful. Which I absolutely do. SixtyFootDoll,I know how you feel, that sound keeps repeating in my ear.
Orm, I did say to him, I'm sorry and we both need to promise each other we will never hit each other again.

But I am so mortified, I can't believe I lost it like that. I am ashamed.

You are not the worst mother in the world. He pushed you to the limit. He was tired, you were tired. I've been there. Now DS is 11, I do wonder what he ever did to push me to smack him...because I can't even remember now. But it was definitely always a similar situation to yours, and it happened 3 times. I learned hitting a wall was much better. (Not for my hand though!) Funnily enough, my other DC has never pushed me to the edge in the same way. Maybe I've just learned to handle tired children better.

Sorry you all had such a horrid day.

Sorry, x-posted with you SFD. I also have absolutely monstrous pmt today. Not that that should excuse my behaviour but I am normally quite a calm person.

Aww thanks MrsStig. I am in bed watching flashforward eating sweets as I feel very sorry for myself. And of course ds. I am having one of those days where I am bored of my life. He definitely pushed my buttons today.

This might seem off topic OP, but feeling bored of your life will take more of a toll on you and so on your dcs as time goes on.

Take a course, is there a local college centre near you? Mine does loads of evening courses, usually 6pm to 9pm one day a week. To be honest if you can't get to college until say, 6.20pm cos of childcare / dh, you could 'arrange' that with an understanding tutor.

Is there an interest that you would like to start up again? Even if you can't take a course in something, you can get a book on it from the library / from amazon.co.uk. Something. Anything.

I decided to have a look at massage, alternative therapies and stuff. I am now 're-trained' as it were and looking to go back to work soon.

Have a think, what would you really like to do with yourslef, more than anything? If it's something that you need, for instance, maths GCSE for, don't let that put you off, don't give up, it can take a few years doing little courses, one night a week / even correspondence courses, top get where you want to be. So look around at colleges etc, they love mature learners - we don't tend to sod off / fail the course! Promise me that you'll think about it?

I have smacked both my dc once or twice in extreme circumstances! I think I felt bad at the time (although have felt worse about other un-motherely things I have shouted at them) but now, from a distance, I don't feel the slightest bit of guilt. I just know that I was pushed to my absolute limit whereas 99.99% of the time in those rather testing pre-school years I was kind and loving mummy.

I think children need to learn that other people have 'limits' and might snap if pushed too far.

Not a nice lesson to learn, but a useful one.

Yes, once, and was thoroughly ashamed of myself afterwards.

I never did it again and I suspect you won't either
Chin up and move on

It happens to the best of us

I have also done it once. My DS kicked me in the stomach when I was changing him and I lost it and smacked his leg. Not too hard but harder than I intended to. He cried his eyes out and I have never felt so bad in my life. I resolved never to do it again as it made me feel so awful, didn't resolve the problem and all I felt like was that I had lost control.

He kicked me in the face the other day while I was changing him and the feeling of how I felt before stopped me smacking him, a good stern telling off was enough to make him cry this time.

Maybe think up another punishment in advance in case your DS does hit you again, it was appalling behaviour to come back into the room and hit you (not blaming you btw).