DD will not be comforted by DH

[MrsSawdust]

When she's feeling ill, or tired, or in pain, or hungry, or any mood other than 100% fantastic - she will only be comforted by me. If anything, DH's efforts at calming her can often make her worse, especially if I'm anywhere in the vicinity.

Even when she wakes in the night and just needs reassurance, if DH tries to approach her she screams out for me.

She is 20 months old. And still breastfeeding, if that makes any difference.

She's got d&v bug this week and DH took the day off work yesterday to look after her. Apparently she was a nightmare for him and she asked for me all day. So I've taken the day off today, but I'm stressed about work because it's always me that takes time off to look after DD when she's poorly and I'm sure work must be sick of me.

At the moment I work part time but we are seriously considering having me go to work full time and DH be a SAHD because I have better earnings and more job security. But DD is such a mummy's girl I'm really starting to doubt whether it can work.

I try to reassure myself that once he is the main carer, DD will soon get used to it and her relationship with him will change for the better. But to be brutally honest, he doesn't handle her seeming indifference to him very well.

He flares up in anger quite easily and is given to sometimes speaking harshly to her or within her hearing and banging doors when things are going badly and he can't comfort her or calm her down.

I secretly believe his occasional flashes of anger is one of the reasons she is such a mummy's girl - I am by no means perfect but I do have much better control of my feelings than him. Although of course I don't have to deal daily with my DD's rejection of me as a source of comfort - I would HATE that and I really do feel for my DH. I know it's undermining his confidence in his skills as a parent.

He is a devoted husband and father. He is a very practical man and does so much for us - cooking and cleaning, shopping, financial juggling, diy, etc. Honestly, I sometimes think he does more than his fair share of household chores. He is also a very fun loving person and DD (when 100% well, awake, fed and happy) LOVES playing with him. No-one can make her laugh like he can.

SO I guess my question is - if he does become a SAHD, will she get used to it as I hope she will and start to see him differently?

Most babies/toddlers only want their mums when they are upset/unwell, it's only natural- especially with the type of bond you get from breastfeeding. She feels safest with you.

I think you need to have a chat with your DP and explain this to him, also point out that it's childish for him to react the way he does (angrily) and that it's not going to help the situation at all.

Your daughter is picking up on his anger and frustration this is making it harder for her to feel comforted by him, children aren't stupid.

I don't really think there is much you can do to be honest apart from ride it out and try and get your DP to stop taking it so personally. Most toddlers are like this and have their favourite parent. Your DP is making it worse for himself by showing his feelings negatively.

MY DS who is 19mths old is like this and although my DP gets hurt by it sometimes, I have explained that it's just the way it is and he doesn't get angry with DS for it. I've also said that as he gets older and less 'clingy' with me, he's going to have some great fun with his dad and they will share a very special bond.

Girls love their dads, your DP just needs to put his feelings aside for a while and work on fostering a close loving bond with your DD when she is happy and content. Not trying to replace mummy when she is unwell.

My 4Yr 9mth old DS is a complete mummy's boy. He wants me to do all his cares, read his story, put him bed etc etc and isn't happy if Dh even attempts - never has been. However they have such a good relationship in so many other ways. DH plays with DS far better than me and DS only ever wants daddy to play. They have also started going to the football together too which is only strengthening their relationship. However still when it comes to bath, bed, story and snuggle its only me he wants. Just the way it is. No-one can replace a mothers love or care in my opinion however good the father is.

Hope it's just a phase Mrs S - if DH is the one looking after her she'll get comfort from him I'm sure. I do have to disagree with BreastMilk though saying that "Most babies/toddlers only want their mums when they are upset/unwell, it's only natural". My DD who is now almost 5 has always wanted daddy when ill. I remember several incidents including one night when she was about 18 months she woke in the night teething and when I tried to calm her she hit me, but DH managed to calm her within seconds. Also one time going to the hospital with a D&V bug and she screamed for daddy when I tried to hold her when being examined. When not unwell she is a mummy's girl through and through but it's really strange when she's poorly. We're now going through a similar stage with DS who will actually writhe so much I nearly drop him if I try to comfort him if he falls/ is sore etc. I laugh it off but it is a bit hurtful - so someone saying it's natural for a baby to want mummy is a bit sweeping.