What do you do on those occasions where you hate being a parent?

[Alicetheinvisible]

But feel so guilty that you are resenting your children (or the fact you have children) that it makes you feel as if actually they would be better off without you anyway as a parent is supposed to love unconditionally, not just on the good days?

And then you despise yourself because you are pregnant again, and how the hell are you supposed to be a decent parent to the second one when you can't even manage the first?

You can hate being a parent but still love your children
IMO, you have to change your mindset and stop thinking about what having children in preventing you doing and start thinking about what you can do with/ for them.
It'll take a while, but please train yourself to ignore destructive inner dialogue- no good for anyone

The bad days come mostly when i have tried to do something for/with/because of DD but i always get it wrong, spend too much money on something that was completely not worth it etc. Just always getting it wrong. Why do a job you are no good at?

It's not a job Alice
You don't need to buy stuff to have fun. If it streese you out just do free stuff

It isn't just the money. That is a very small part of it. It is simply that anything i think is a good idea falls flat, well not flat, huge tantrums, sobbing etc. You think you know your own child and go to great lengths to do stuff especially for them, but it ends up being a complete disaster, and your child is grumpy, you are tired and frazzled and it is a complete and utter cock up

How old is your child Alice?

2.6 need i say more?

Alice, sweetie, you are pregnant and therefore hormonal. DD is in the middle of terrible twos. It is a bad combination. At the end of the day it doesnt always work, you wont always get it wrong. But you love her and you are concerned that you are feeling emotional about having a bad time with her. It is really tough but the fact that you care is what makes you a good parent.

It is really really tough, but it will get better. promise. She will grow out of this phase, you will become less hormonal and things will just be better.

Alice, maybe you just need to relax on this a little bit? Maybe you don't need to do all the stuff with her that you are doing?

Tantrums are just her age, she is testing boundaries.

You are giving yourself a hard time over this when there is no need for it.

i meant wrong *right

Relax, don't feel guilty about bunging her infront of Cbeebies while you have a rest. DD was always saying no.

i hold out for as long as i can before bathing them and putting them to bed then i sit and have a cuppa and do nothing while reminding myself that tomorrow is a new day.

tbh if the feeling was lasting more than a day i wouldfeel the need to seek help, even if its just another mother to offload to and help put things in perspective.

at that age (and older!) however wonderful a day out you give them, they will still throw a tantrum or three over something trivial. I think of 2 as the age of discontent - typical 2 year olds are very mobile, but have little concept of risk/and a somewhat shaky idea of socially acceptable behaviour - so a recipe for wailing - But muuuuum, why shouldn't I put my hand in that nice hot oven etc.....

by the way, i felt realy smug with ds1 when he seemed to 'miss out' the terrible twos. he really didn't tantrum at all.

but the minute he turned 4 he turned into a whirlwind of tension and stress and hyperactivity. i thought someone had kidnapped my child and replaced him with a wild animal, there was (and often still is) no reasoning with him. i just stop and take a deep breath and try and see things from where he is standing. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but the times it works makes it worth the effort for the times it doesn't.

i know it's hard, especially being pregnant aswell. are there any friends with children going through the same phase?

ds's favourite phrase now is "it's all your fault"- makes me feel all warm inside

You're pregnant and have got a 2 yr old. It's no picnic

Cut yourself some slack, lady.

Have you tried 'benign neglect'? I employed this wonderful parenting strategy loads when pregnant with a toddler. It involves putting CBeebies on a lot.

Thank you all

I am feeling a bit out of control hormonally atm. Really feel like if i had family near i would offload DD for a day just to recharge iyswim?

For example; we took DD to the zoo, it was possibly one of the most stressful days of my life, despite the fact that she is animal mad.

We have been to the park a couple of times in the last few weeks and that has been a catastrophe.

Going to singing at the library just doesn't work.

I booked her into ballet lessons (pre-preshool ones) but she lay on the floor sobbing, all because we had popped into a shop on the way there and i had bought her a ball that she asked for, i had told her it was going into the bag and we would play with it when we got home, which she was fine about, but then when we got there it was suddenly the end of the world.

The only thing that makes her happy is coming with me to do the horses, but she really needs to mix with other children. She keeps on about 'her friends' but seems antisocial when we meet up with them

I just seem to always do the wrong thing. I keep her at home and she starts asking to do stuff, but if i take her out she wants to be at home. I honestly don't know what to do anymore tbh

I think it is important to remember that you are not alone in feeling like this.

My DD, having been an angel for most of her life, is being truly horrible at times now. And sometimes I have felt like that. Alice, this is an awful thing to admit, but until I met ExH, I absolutely knew I didn't want children. I had no maternal instincts and just didn't feel I needed or wanted them. He was amazing with his DS's and bit by bit as he said he wanted them with me, I started to get the point.
So as and when things have gone so horribly wrong, I have deeply resented the fact that I am now a lone parent, with DC's that I love massively but were really a part of a dream that involved bringing them up together.

I try a little bit harder if it bubbles to the surface. And mine are the never satisfied kind of DC's. If I fake it hard enough it kind of becomes believable. But it does pass, truly.

I found it hard to be in the room with DS sometimes as he was such hard work.

Alice, you're doing fine. Completely normal and sane. but I think you need the odd hour when DD is someone else's problem.

If op wasn't a rhetorical question and you really want to know, I go shooting. Dump offending small child on father and head for the nearest shooting club. An hour of blasting plates out of the sky makes me feel soooooo much better.

Mitts you really have it so hard.

I would like to disappear off on my horse for a couple of hours, but being pregnant it is not an option. Well, despite the fact that riding would kill me atm, i considered it until i remembered my mare has a cut face and it would be impossible.

Life is being made extra hard by DH's work atm.

Well, why don't you find a childminder and arrange a two hour break every week for the remainder of your pregnancy. It wouldn't cost the earth and it sounds like it would do you the world of good. At 2.6, your DD should cope fine and might even enjoy the company of the other children.

Oh Alice, it is that lovely mixture of her age and your pg hormones/tiredness making it feel hopeless at the moment. Toddlers are testing enough at the best of times.

DS1 was Cbeebied up the eyeballs when I was pg with DS2. I used to make sure I did one thing with him in the morning and one thing in the afternoon. Even just reading a book, counted as my one thing. I was shattered and weepy most of the time. Please don't feel down, it isn't you, it isn't DD, it is just her age.

Have you a secure garden she could run around in? Are there any preschools/nurseries/childminders who could have her for a few mornings a week?

FWIW I vividly remember putting DS2 (aged 2 ish) over my shoulder and carrying him out of CHester Zoo, he was screaming his head off and it was packed. I didn't care, he had pushed his luck one too many times and as he was my 2nd felt no shame whatsoever. It gets easier.
Oh and whilst pg with DS2, DS1 had an almighty tantrum in the shark tunnel of the Sealife centre and nearly got trampled on by hordes, he was lying face down in true tantrum pose. I was in tears then as well.

I have so many more stores like that! YOu are doing brilliantly, don't doubt yourself, just try and get some help/a break if you can.

Mitts, am genuinely shocked you never wanted DC, you seem such a maternal person