help re differing amonts of £ spend on siblings !!

[linconlass]

My dd and ds have always been keen on hobbies and intrests.My dd has ridden since she was 4 yo and i have had to watch our money - well overdraft!! all the time as well as take on extra work at times to make this possible.She is not spoilt- she has no pocket mmoney due to this, and i want to support her passion.
My ds loves another sport which is no where near as expensive, but requires equipment and payment each session .
DD has just been given the most exiting opportunity to loan a pony which means that she can ride evey day and work at the stables.
Ds asked dd how much this cost s ,and she answered honestly-. cdnt not tell her as the other children at stables would have anyway!!

Ds is upset that he does not have the amount spend on him .I dont want to be unfair and ive explained that its not about the money -its about supporting a hobby each.

He knows that in truth there is no way that should he wish to pursue a similar cost hobby i could support it now.

Ive had to start looking for a second job to support situation which im happy to do.And there is much adjusting to be done.

I feel so guilty for potentailly puting s ibling rivalry on the agenda big time!! I feel that children should be treated as indviduals - and that life is unfair ,people are different.-its a bit like " Shes got more baked beans than me "but its hard cash !!Our DS goes to school out of county so we have to be careful and economise for bus costs and after school club petrol costs -wereas DD goes locally and can walk- but even so its very very clear that all of a sudden one child is having a lot more spend on them than another, an d i think ds may be feeling hurt as well as the sibling stuff.Any advice or similar experiences please ?!

ps meant to say different amounts spent - sorry!!!

anyone ......?

eek, I'd recommend reading siblings without rivalary.

I don't think you do have to spend the same and you are right to itterate to both of them that you are committed 100% to supporting their passions.

Does your ds hobby involve more of your time? You could explain that is a hidden cost too?

Could you not just explain that it doesn't matter about how much something costs, it's how much they enjoy their hobby? Call his bluff, offer him riding lessons in exchange for his hobby and see what he says. It's risky though.

Thankgoodness 4 replies - im grateful that folk are thinking like me !! was feeling guilty.!!
Ds would decline riding but wd ask for more fishing rods etc!!!
Ive got the book sibs without rivalry - better read !!
Dd s hobby is were i spend most of my time as my dh goes fishing with dh- wonder if i should spend some time with ds fishing- he knows riding is my passion too - but i cant afford- so wonder if he feels envoius in that way ...mind you -i was with him last week in the dark fishing so i do try !!!!!Anyway, thanks for replies !!!!!!!

It's OK. I can understand wanting to gove my child a hobby, I wouldn't use the overdraft to pay for it though. Is there nothing a little cheaper that she wants to try for a while?

i find it odd that you state if your DS choose to have a new hobby or became passionate about something that required a similar amount of money input that your DDs hobby does that you wouldn't be able to afford it for him?!

why wouldn't you be able to cut back on your DDs hobby a few days a week in order for him to have a different hobby? - that seems quite unfair, although im aware its unlikely i feel quite sad that your DS would have to go without if it was more expensive.

He should be taught that its the amount of enjoyment they get out of the hobby that matters and i would tell him that he's lucky his hobby doesn't cost soo much because he could still do it when he's at uni or when he starts working etc and it won't cost HIM as much as it will your DD to continue with riding her whole life.

ottmum- dd hobby is a set fee per week - the cost is same if rides one or x ten -its the deal- so if i reduced rides the cost would be the same so id achieve nothing by doing so. its either that or nothing.I cant negotiate or reduce.Im not discriminating - feeling bad that one is more flexible and the other not .I could change stables to achieve less cost tho i admit but as dd happy dont want to if can avoid.Ds doesnt want a different hobby- but seems jealous that his sibs costs a lot.
What im saying is its the hobby that counts not the cost- but was feeling bad that ive maybe triggered a bit of sibling rivalry by supporting a hobby each - one of which is much more costly than the other.Id support ds if it was other way round - it happens that dd has the most expensive one.

I think it is swings and roundabouts, DD might get more spent on her at the mo but at some point something may come up or change whereby DS needs more money. You can't possibly be equal in this situation, as long as the time and support for each child is equal, over time it will balance itself out in someway.