And breathe.... dealing with 2/3 yo behaviour

[OfficiallyNotCoping]

I'm struggling with so many things just now that I don't even know where to start.

So here are a couple of examples from today. Anyone got any tips on how I should handle this kind of situation?

And any general tips on dealing with children this age (2 and 3.2) for a person who is clearly very impatient and not doing very well by herself? Thanks

1. DD1 refuses to have a wee at bedtime. We always do wee, wash hands/face, teeth at bedtime. But she is sitting on the toilet refusing. (She's also refusing to poo at the moment until the last minute so we've had 2 poo accidents this week after she did a poo last week that was painful and it scared her). She gets very upset. I try to explain that she needs to have a wee or she'll have an accident in the night or get a tummy ache. I end up shouting at her and she and DD2 both cry

2. DD2 wants a biscuit at breakfast. I say no, she has to have cereal. She hits me (she's doing this a bit now) so I try to deal with it by moving her away from me, saying "we don't hit people it's not friendly" and then going back to what I was doing, ignoring her crying. She cries. Very loudly. DD1 starts standing right in front of her shouting (over the crying) "DD2 you shouldn't hit mummy, you know. You must say sorry to mummy, you know, it's not nice to hit". I tell DD1 to leave DD2 alone, mummy has dealt with it. DD1 starts to say to me "mummy, you made DD2 cry, you must say sorry to her" over and over again. I end up with them both physically hanging off my legs as I try to prepare breakfast. Gah.

Inside my head I'm screaming "shut up shut up shut up".

How do I stop this getting to this stage?

I've nearly reached your stage with my dd she's really testing my patience. I just bought the MN toddler book and I think the most important thing I've learned so far is to try not to raise your voice too much. Apparently you needen't raise it very much to make it clear what you mean, in fact, lowering your voice to make it deeper (more manly I guess) is supposed to work a treat. And count to ten! When your ready to scream at them count to ten slowly and hopefully you'll have done with the urge and can be calm yet firm. Look forward to hearing how you deal with all this, for me so far its just theory but will try to put these things into practice myself

Oh my. Sounds hard. My DS is the age of your DD1, but DD is younger, so we're not quite at this stage yet.

On the wee one, why not back off and say ok, if you don't need one that's fine. And then maybe offer again just before she goes to bed. It sounds like you've got into a power struggle and sometimes just letting them 'win' for a bit means that it's no longer a game worth playing.

On the biscuit thing, do you mind more about DD1 or DD2? I'd try to deal with one of them, not both. Maybe pre-distract DD1 with some fun task that gets her out of the way of DD2's wails. Or, before DD2 demands her biscuit, offer her something else that you're happy for her to have (fruit? tiny handful of raisins? some dry cereal?). Do you think she might be really hungry and that's why she's fussing so much?

Thanks for replying.

Just feeling a bit pants tonight.

The wee was last thing before bed, 2jam, that's the problem. She was asleep within 5 mins of that as I knew she would be (she was shattered) which is why I was trying to insist. So she's gone to bed and hasn't had a wee for hours so I'm worried she'll have an accident. Or wake in the night and then it's hard to re-settle her.

The DD2 thing, I just don't know. She just cries when she doesn't get her way. And she cries for attention. And she cries when her sister takes something from her. And she cries when she doesn't get chocolate in the car on the way to nursery ( she NEVER gets chocolate in the car to nursery so I have no idea why she was surprised that the answer was no to that one!) I was in the middle of making her breakfast this morning so I couldn't give her a biscuit or something else, it was just a 3 minute wait. But once she heard "no".... argh!

Snuppeline - yes maybe I need to remember to count. I'm usually at shouting without engaging brain though

Oh well

I've just found that with my DS, who admittedly is older than your DD2, saying something like 'Shall I tell you a story' instead of answering the question can be really effective, as it's offering something even 'better' and avoiding having to say no.

It's rubbish isn't it. I hate it when I lose my patience with the children (happening more as I've just gone back to work), I feel so useless and unkind. Lots of sympathy...

You sound just like me, I have 3 boys 3,2 and 1.
My 3 and 2 yr old are like your two.
My patience is lacking on a daily basis, and a simple act like refusing to go to the toilet, pushes me to shouting point too. But pretend you're reading that about someone else and you'll see what to do.
If you push the issue, it could effect her use of the toilet for a long time. Ask her every time she goes to bed still, to try and go, If she says shes not going, then put her to bed with a potty in her room if you have one, and put a bed mat on the bed, if she has an accident then so be it. I tried waking my son for the toilet, when i went to bed but he hated this and just cried.

My ds2 is also hitting a bit lately, i do the same as you, remove him and remind him and ignore his behaviour. My ds1 also tries to be mommy and tell us all what we should be doing in this situation, and gets told every single time, that his responsibility as a brother is to support his brothers and not act like a mommy to them, thats my job.
Have you tried telling dd2 that she can have a biscuit if she eats her breakfast first?

To stop getting to this stage, you need to have plenty of sleep and pick your battles. Somethings just aren't worth battling over. BUt the battles you do fight, make sure you stay strong and don't back down. consistency is the key.
Hope it improves. we have good and bad days.
A change of scenery helps. 2 weeks of fun in the garden has done wonders for my eldest 2.
We also have timeout, and they know wihtout a warning that if they don't listen to me, then they will be in timeout.

Breathe?
Am I allowed to breathe? When would I fit it in between coping with my 2yo's constant and generally unreasonable demands?

He is lovely, but is never still. And to add to the joy he has just stopped napping during the day. Twelve hourse - with no stopping.

I only have one DS, but he's nearly 3 and I recognise all the lovely symptoms you're going through at the moment. They're so contrary at this age, I hate the don't want to go in the bath / don't want to get out of the bath tantrums. At the weekend he had a meltdown because I ate a piece of bread

I found this book really useful, gave me some great ideas for keeping things a bit calmer and getting around his frustrations rather than losing it at him / me / DH. eg when he asks for something we don't have for breakfast (or I'm pretending we don't have) rather than say 'no you can't have it' I'll now say 'oh DS you really wanted coco pops, I wish we did have some, you could have a huuuuuge bowl, no a bucket, no a whole room full of them and then he starts to laugh instead of being pissed off that I'm not taking him seriously, ikswim. And then he's cool to have something else.

Although some days I think smacking my head off the wall would be less painful

I'm not quite there yet, have a DS who's only 2.4/5 - but have you tried suggesting to DD1 that if she doesn't do her before-bed wee then she'll have to go back into nappies overnight? I doubt she'll want to do that, so it might encourage her to do the wee.

As to the rest, it sounds horrific and I have no advice, sorry.

Thanks everyone.

DP is home so that has definitely improved things and the girls have been sleeping better (so I have too) which also helps.

It's really good to know I'm not alone.

Tryingabitharder - I actually have How To Talk. I will get it out again. I just feel so bombarded by them both sometimes that I just don't have time to think about how to deal with a situation because they're both clamouring for my attention or crying or whatever.

I really do appreciate all the advice though and will read it all properly over a cup of tea (children not home from nursery yet so a rare quiet moment )