I don't enjoy being a parent

[ChurchFarmHouse]

I feel terrible writing this but I don't think that I really enjoy being a Mum. I find the daily grind of clearing up after a 3 year old, caring for a 6 month old completely exhuasting. I'm on mat leave at the moment and would love to go back to work but they want me to go back full time but I would feel so guilty doing this. I went back 4 days with my first and the guilt was terrible.
I'm so tired each day that I snap at my 3 year old and don't feel that I really spend enough time with her or the 6 month old - I just seem to spend all day trying to keep the washing up under control, doing the washing, cooking etc. And the house still looks a complete tip.
I find that i have to take the 3 year old out everyday to avoid her whining and being bored at home. Sometimes I just give up and put her in front of the TV so that I can get a break.
I feel terribly guilty about not enjoying my children more. My husband is great with them but of course he only has to do the hard work with me at the weekends and has 11 hours a day out of the house during the week - lucky thing!
A part of me hopes that they don't pick up on the fact that I don't enjoy being a Mum as I would have been devastated if my Mum had been like that.
Oh dear, sorry about this. I feel MN is the only place that i can really write something like this though. All my Mum friends in the village adore their children and seem to really thrive on their children. I hope it gets better.

what you need is a housekeeper! no, really can you afford any help? a cleaner? someone to give you a hand with kids in the evenings?

i think we're expected to do a LOT tbh. people used to have big families,close by and everyone pitched in.
it IS hard work looking after children, cooking, cleaning, tidying....

I am a SAHM with 3 kids. I have a cleaner starting on friday because i can't keep up with it and i want to spend time with my kids, not cleaning and then grumpy and tired because i never get a rest.

your kids DON'T know that you aren't enjoying it right now. as long as you play with them, cuddle them, love them... they'll be just fine. you just need some more support

I think most people have days - or weeks, even - when they feel like this. Parenting young children is exhausting and you get very little time to yourself. It can feel desperately relentless. You certainly aren't alone, so stop beating yourself up about it.

What I'd say is that if you are feeling like this long term, you may be suffering from depression. If you aren't getting any enjoyment out of life, you should definitely see someone about it - GP can refer you for counselling. You deserve to feel better about your life!

Whether you are depressed or just stuck in a rut, you need to do something to break the cycle. That could be getting out and about more. Being stuck at home with two young children is very isolating. It might seem like more effort than it's worth to get out, see friends, go to toddler group or even just to the park/into town, but in my experience, once you are out you almost always feel better. The more you stay at home, the more lethargic, less sociable and more irritable you feel and it becomes a vicious cycle.

have you thought about doing something part-time - one or two days a week? Or even one evening a week? A part-time job, volunteering, a course or class, even just an exercise class or book club? It sounds like you need some time for you.

Just because your not enjoying them right now when you're dog-tired and overwhelmed doesn't mean you won't ever enjoy them. It does get better. I work full time, DS1 is 3 and DS2 is 9m. I don't feel guilty about going to work because I'm really happy with my childcare arrangements and so are they. As yesterday said, if you can afford some help, get it.

Does your 3 yr old get the 12.5 hrs a week free for nursery? Use it! Seriously.

I am thinking of going back to work for my own sanity and DS2 is only just coming up to 6 months old... And DS1 goes to nursery 3 days a week (he's 2.2 years old). I went back 4 days a week with DS1 and while I didn't feel guilty about it (he goes to a brilliant nursery), he didn't go till he was 11 months old as I couldn't bear to leave him before that and I feel guilty now that I am considering leaving DS2 at such a young age. And DS2 is an easy baby compared to DS1!

It's not an easy age. I can truly say I don't enjoy the baby stage very much. I cannot wait till they are school-going age. I find the daily grind so exhausting too and you are not the only to lose it on a daily basis!

For me, I decided yesterday that I really need to get some time out by myself. My ILs are nearby but they incredibly unreliable and don't do jack for us, hence me thinking about going back to work earlier than expected. Being a mother is not easy, give yourself a break. It's not the worst thing to stick your child in front of the TV (just make sure it's Cbeebies or something educational!). I am thinking of sticking DS2 in nursery for one day a week just so I can have a day once a week to myself to just breathe... Take care.

Thanks for all your messages.
We do have a cleaner actually - she comes once a week and does all the big bits for a couple of hours. I just find it hard really being the only one in the house who really clears up or tidies away. My husband is the type who just dumps his stuff everywhere despite my nagging.
My daughter was in nursery 4 days a week from 5 months old which I really struggled with and I'm loathe to put my son in for such a lot of the week. Work have said that I must go back full time or change my job, but they cannot offer me anything else at the moment so I'm trying to decide what to do.
We don't have any good childminders locally unfortunately (they are also having babies!) so that is my only option. My daughter does go to nursery 2 days a week which is nice as I get to spend the day with my son on his own but she is hell in the evening when she gets back - sometimes it's a high price to pay.
I sound very negative - must try to be more positive. I know I will look back on these years and regret not enjoying them at the time as soon they will be grown up. Thanks for the idea about doing something once a week - I will have a think about what to do.

yes APW is right... use the free nursery sessions. and do something for you!

ok well how about swapping things around a bit

if your daughter is crochety after the whole day there then why not change and put her in for 3 or 4 mornings instead?

your DH needs a kick up the backside. it isn't your job to keep the house spick and span.
does he know how much work it is looking after children?

In my house it works like this. dp goes out to work during the day, I work in the house during the day (looking after babies etc etc)
when he gets home we are BOTH equally responsible for children, tidying etc etc
he doesn't get to lounge around all evening just because his work is out of the house.

so i think you need to talk to him and tell him how how you feel. tell him that it can't carry on like this and he needs to pull his weight. if there are specific things he does that make more work for you (my dp LOVES leaving post in the kitchen for example), then work on a way of stopping that.
if you make dinner each evening then make it his job to wash up and stuff l ike that

I felt just like you when I was at home with a 4 year old and a baby. Went back to work in February. It works well, I earn money which pays for a nursery, cleaner and my sanity. Yes I feel bad about working but I felt bad being at home too, and on balance the guilt about working isn't as bad as the guilt of being at home and yet hating it because I should be loving it.

1. why isn't your 3 yr old at nursery?

2. your house will be messy if you're in all day to keep messing it up

3. get to a surestart children's centre and literally move in

I know how you feel. I have a nearly 3yo and a 6mo and it is hard work. DD is still with her CM 2 days a week and at playgroup for another morning which is great for time with DS. I also try and get most of the cleaning/washing etc done when DD is out of the house so I can throw myself into pretending to be a good mummy on the days with her so the cleaning just doesn't happen on those days at all.

Thanks everybody - just reading what you have said makes me feel a bit less on my own. Take care all x