gay parenting

[gertrude100]

i hav a 3 year old with my partner via donor insemination. anyone know the best time and how to explain it to your kids? sorry, one handed typing. partner has just had twins so we have our hands full!

I don't have an answer to your question, but congratulations on the twins!

thanks...getting used to sleepless nights again

I have no experience of gay parenting and I hav no gay friends but I just wanted to share a conversation I had recently with my 3 yo.

We were talking about grandparents/siblings/cousins ... you know, families generally. he asked me if everyone had a a mammy and a daddy. I told him that for babies to be born we a man and a woman but that families sometimes have just one mam, or just one dad, or sometimes two mams or two dads.

Now, I dont know why I said that automatically, I have no gay friends/family. Anyway he said why. I just said that there were lots of different kinds of families, just like there are lots of different kinds of birds at our bird table, but that it did not matter that they were different, thay are all still all just lovely birds (He loves birds)

And he just said "oh well thats good - its good to have lots of different families".

I know it is very simplistic,.. but at three your Lo will bevery accepting about it as normal. I would think the sophisticated queries will be a wee while yet. Has your LO mentioned it or has it come up in conversation?

(Congratulations on your twins - how lovely - how exhausting!)

Have you got any of the Todd Parr books? They are lovely and explain different family set-ups in a loving and easy-to-understand way.

Living in Berkeley I have gay friends, a gay babysitter, interact with gay parents out and about in the ordinary run of things, our DS's godfather and my husband's best friend is gay... have I missed anyone out? Needless to say, we are very, very pro equal rights in the gay community (ardent supporters and donors of the anti-prop-8 campaign)and very much want to raise our DC with our attitudes. Anyway, long explanation to say I have found those books the best way to explain, if not donor insemination exactly - may be too young at 3? - a great way to explain differences to our 2.10 year old.

Hope this helps, and congratulations on your new DC!

thanks for all your comments. Yes, I have one todd parr book. may look for others. well, 3 is young but i heard somewhere it is the best age to explain things but like littlepushka said, probably best in simplistic way. very similar to todd parr's way actually. we have said this sort of thing to her already. she asked why she didn't have a dad when she was 2. kids are generally very accepting. it's adults who are more complicated!

I just tie it in with the birth story. My dd knows that when it was time for her to come out of my tummy, she got stuck and the doctors had to operate to help her get out. And she is a special baby, cos the doctors helped to make her as well, cos we wanted to have a baby very much but daddy couldn't help mummy, so a special man at the hospital helped instead. We are very glad that they helped us to make you!

Dd is 4 so yes this goes completely over her head, although she is starting to tell parts of the birth story back to us and apparently she shouted 'help! get me out, doctors!' while in the womb

Just keep saying it, answering any questions they ask you, keep it as simple as you can.

We are a straight couple, and my dd recently expressed shock when I said yes woman and men can get married and also a woman can marry a woman, and a man can marry a man. I wish now that I had discussed this kind of stuff a little bit earlier, it doesn't take much for these kind of subliminal messages to go under the radar.

I don't think you can do it too earlier, if they don't get it they will just dismiss it and then ask again a few weeks later - but I think that you can do it too late.

sorry, babies awake so still one handed! that is a good approach. i think its easier to keep things from the child with d.i and straight couples. i mean 2 women it's obvious isn't it? as long as they know frommthe start there will be no horrible admission at 18! i will take your advice and keep things simple.

my mum says that kids only ask questions that they are prepared for the answer to. this was disproved recently when our daughter saw some flowers dying and asked if we die. we were totally unprepared. my partner said, 'yes, we do' she looked horrified and said 'no we don't' on the verge of tears, to which my partner said 'ok, no we don't' which our daughter was happy about. totally unsatisfactory from our point of view though!