Four and a half year old monster

[unhingedqueen]

Hi - please can anyone help me? I have a super intelligent, very loving 4 yr old who started school in September (not my choice, blame the local education authority). He throws a massive wobbly if he does not get his way and hits, punches, headbutts etc etc as well. He has such rage and there seems to be no real way to punish him.

Smacking does not work, neither does a naughty step, taking away a favourite toy, making him leave the room, us leaving the room - he is so obstinate that he will go to bed without eating his tea if he is in that particular frame of mind.

We do try the "reward the good and try to ignore the ugly" approach but this does not work.We have an 8 yr old who is suffering from this behaviour and to cap it all, our younger son never seems to sleep for more than an hour or two without waking up yelling. The doctor has checked him out, he is fine! We are frazzled, family trips out or even the local weekly shop is a nightmare and I am afraid to admit that I am beginning to dislike my son. He gets the right food, no fizzy drinks, no DSs, no computer games or lots of TV...I'm totally out of ideas! And yes, he does get loads of exercize and it never tires him out!!

Does your ds's bad behaviour ever get him what he wants?

What is his pay off for continuing his negative behaviours? One to one attention, stopping siblings getting attention, controlling what the family does eg, leaving the shops / cafe because of his bad behaviour?

Slap me if I type 'behavour' just once more aargh!

Hi

He is not being bad he is struggling to cope with lifes daily demands, He is 4 and in school. There is some learnt behaviour being displayed.. ie the aggressive outbursts are gaining attention. At 4 he will have limited understanding of how to communicate how he feels verbally. He is trying to gain 1:1 attention, but the trick is finding out what it is he needs.

When he wakes up yelling he may be having bad dreams, and as he is waking up a lot at night he may be tired.

This reminds me a lot of how my son was, he also started school at 4. I think with my son it was a seperation and transition issue. The favourite toy/bear is always a great comfort because by attaching themselves to this object they are able to seperate themselves from the parent/carer and move towards self-depedence. Maybe when he kicks off next time give him a hug and talk to him about whats wrong. He needs to be calm before you try and solve any problems. My son is now 12 and will still try and tantrum on occaions when he can not get his own way. In a way we can become fearful of thier anger so we give them what they want, and it becomes a bit of a competition.

I think I would check with school and see how he is there. You do need to set some boundaries, ie No means No and never changes to yes no matter how difficult they get.

Cazi

Whoops lots of spelling errors

Also you could try the reward chart.. these do work but need to be thought through carefully before put in place.

Cazi