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Are 21st century children spoilt or sure of themselves?

12 replies

OrmRenewed · 14/04/2010 21:40

My parents went through the war. It had it's effects on the - the fear, the loss of loved ones, the shortages and the rationing and the general lack of material stuff. It has it's effect on us. DB and I were brought up with make do and mend, hand me downs, home-made and home-grown. My parents (and us when old enough to help) did/fixed/grew/made everything they could. They rarely paid anyone to do anything if they could avoid it - not because it was a hobby or a bit of fun, but because they couldn't afford not to. I grew up self-contained, quiet, naive no particular sense of entitlement at all, expectations were fairly meagre TBH.

For many years I thought that was a good thing. I wanted my children to be the same.

But the older my children become, the more I realise they are not like me. And neither are their generation in general. They are expansive, confident, physically assured, street-wise. I generalise of course but that does seem to be more the case amongst the children I know than was when I was a child.

My children, and their friends, have a lot more than I did - in terms of possessions and opportunities - but rather than just bewailing this fact (that seems to have come about despite our best efforts ) I am beginning to think it's a good thing. Children who talk to adults as equals, who are confident enough to be polite but not obsequious, who know what they want and what they can expect.

Is that good? I think it might be.

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OrmRenewed · 14/04/2010 21:46

Occurs to me that I may be the last person in the world to realise this

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EmilyStrange · 14/04/2010 21:49

Neither! Every generation thinks the new generation is spoiled, worse than before. I remember my mum moaning about my generation. Our children will be having this debate about their children and so it will go on.

OrmRenewed · 14/04/2010 22:18

But I am saying that I don't think it is the case emily. I think that I like the children of my DC generation better than mine.

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Nemofish · 14/04/2010 22:45

I know what you are saying Orm.

When I was a good, an adult could do / say what the hell they liked to a child, children were powerless. Now there is definitely a sense of 'childrens rights' iykwim.

However they are still spoilt lazy buggers

PiratePrincess · 14/04/2010 23:48

"Children who talk to adults as equals..."

Sorry, I can't stand this (DS1's friends are age 7 btw) - may feel different when they're older!

Children age 7 and under who speak to me like they're my equal are WRONG!!!

(can you tell it's the holidays?)

OrmRenewed · 15/04/2010 08:34

OK I mean children who aren't painfully shy and are happy to have a conversation. I guess that isn't equal, but not at a disadvantage.

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Whelk · 15/04/2010 08:50

Oh Orm you have just put one of the things I ponder most into words.

Mostly I feel as you used to. I am horrified by the amount of material things many children have, the 'oh its broken, we'll buy a new one' attitude. The bedrooms stuffed full of princess toys (and the inability to share or even play independently which seems to come with it)

However, I too was shy, self-contained a tried to please and I would like my children to have more confidence than me. Still with a healthy respect for elders and authority but happy to have a conversation

I don't think the two things are necessarily linked though (materialism and confidence)

OrmRenewed · 15/04/2010 11:04

"I don't think the two things are necessarily linked though (materialism and confidence)"

No not directly. But the thought that they are important in their own right - not just adjuncts to a family - links the two things I think.

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OrmRenewed · 15/04/2010 20:55

DB and I used to trail round with my parents doing things we didn't much care for until we went away to university. DS#1 is 13 and doesn't always. It's not just materialism, it's also seeing them as semi-autonomous people from a younger age.

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thegirlwithsomethingextra · 15/04/2010 21:25

I know what you mean Orm.

To me young people seem unbelievably self confident now. I've got some teenage / early 20s friends on facebook and they all have a zillion pictures of themselves, they all express themselves really well, and post all their feelings up there for everyone to see. When I was a teenager I HATED photos of myself, nevermind posting them online And would cringe at writing my feelings anywhere where anyone may see..

I live in a city and the students are the same very confident, chatty, glamorous, theatrical, know their rights, they all know exactly what they want in life...

I think it is a good thing...and yet rates of depression, self harm and eating disorders and other types of self abuse (binge drinking etc) are so high in teenagers / young people now. So who knows what really going on in their heads? Maybe the self confidence is not everything?

OrmRenewed · 15/04/2010 21:45

That is true. Maybe it hides something else. Probably no more than it hid when I was growing up - but they are better at 'front'. I don't know.

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cory · 17/04/2010 18:10

Children in the past were different: some were spoilt even then, some were not. And not all children are spoilt now. My cousin had all the expensive toys invented in the 60s, big villa to live in, exotic holidays- doubt if he can give as much to his own kids tbh.

My parents talked a lot about how we had to save and be careful, but looking back I was pretty spoilt- I've still got a lot of my toys to prove it. True, my dcs do have more books and toys than I did, but that's because they have mine and their own.

What I had, I cannot give them: lots of open space to run around in and a healthy body to do it with.

They do, however, have better social skills than I did; though I'm not sure it's generational thing; I think it's more that they've inherited MILs genes and not mine. Thankfully.

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