Views on dummies and teeth please - have heard so many different views. And some other parenting issues as well...

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Have done a similar thread in the past but am now a bit further down the line. Getting a bit worried about how attached DD1 is to her dummy - she seems completely dependent on it for sleep times. Thing is, DD2 is only 7 weeks so DD1 has had a lot to get used to recently. Having said that, I'm worried it will only get harder to bin it as time goes on. And met a dentist before Christmas who basically said I was just storing up future tooth problems.

There's also a practical consideration. DH works v long hours and is never around in the evenings. I have childcare help in the mornings until end of June so before then I'd like to do the following with DD:

• Potty training
• weaning off the dummy
• getting her into a 'big bed' (she has one already and slept happily in it for a week but has since asked to go back into the cot)

My reasoning is that all these things will be easier to manage with a bit of extra help so I'd like to get them done before I'm going completely solo. But of course I don't want her to feel under pressure and if some of the above has to wait so be it.

Would absolutely love some advice on all of this.

how old is she?

my first 2 had/have dummies and had no teeth problems at all, but then they wre generally limited to sleep time only, unless they were ill.
My dentist said they both have beautiful teeth! lol
i let ds1 give his up when he was ready to, around 3 and a half I think. ds2 is 2 and a half and still has his

i would tackle bed first I think. if she has slept in it for a week before then she can do it again. get her to help choose a nice blanket, or pillow or something, and take the cot away completely so she can't ask for it. then just go for it!

Thanks thisisyesterday Sorry, yes, forgot to say - she's 2.3. I just don't know how to rationalise it for her. Not crazy about the dummy fairy idea for some reason - if I'd thought it through, should have done it at christmas in exchange for the stocking!

That's v reassuring about your DCs, though. Re bed, my only concern is that I'm already quite sleep deprived with a newborn so really don't fancy waking up with her too. Also, the only place the cot can go is into DD2's room and I don't want her to feel it's been snatched from her for the baby. Gah - so many issues to consider but am perhaps just overthinking it.

can you take the cot apart and store it under your bed or anything? that's what we did with ds1's when he went into his bed, had the same problem as you- didn't want him to think it had been nabbed by the new baby!

Do you need the cot for DD2? We moved DD1 out of her cot at 2 to make way for DD2 - BIG mistake. Bedtimes became a nightmare, plus keeping them in a cot is so much easier than keeping them in a bed (ie harder to get out of)! If I were to do it again, I would just get another cot for DD2. DD2 is still in a cot and she is turning 3 soon - didn't make the same mistake again.

Potty training - you can certainly give it a go, but again, some kids take a day, some take six months, so don't give yourself a deadline, it'll only stress you as the deadline approaches. When they're ready, they're ready and then it's no extra work.

Dummy - no idea - mine suck fingers and thumbs, which can't be taken away...

BTW, you seem increbly in control for someone who has just had a second kid; it took me about 15 months to come out of the haze after the second one was born!

Sorry, both - taken ages to get back online (not so in control after all there!) thisisyesterday cot was damaged during a move and we're not sure it will go back up again if it gets dismantled, otherwise that would've been a good idea.

There Unfortunately we do need the cot for DD2 and actually we've already bought the bed and put it up in her room so a bit too late re the buying another cot. But I'm sure you're right and I wish I'd followed my instinct and insisted on buying another cot but DH was adamant it was a waste of money. Hmm... Only thing I can think of is to get a bedguard on the big bed to make her feel more secure and move the cot into DD2's room before she had time to think about it. And also perhaps put a stairgate at the door to stop her wandering out at night. Thanks also for your thoughts on dummy and potty training. I feel quite relaxed about potty training now - it's just the dummy thing that's bothering me, don't want her to have problems later just because I've been lazy about weaning her off it.

I know in the big scheme of things it's all quite trivial but I feel like there are so many things to sort out and so much that could go wrong. Am prob just feeling a bit overly anxious post-birth but I'm desperate not to do anything to make DD1 feel insecure at the moment.

Been there with the dummy and I would say relax and wait until your DD can understand about the dummy fairy or whatever story you will tell - way too early now IMVHO and there is no reason to think it will damage her teeth - she mught have other teeth issues entirely unrelated or perfect teeth or somewhere in between...who knows. You do not need the stress with a new born so be kind to yourself! I ended up "forgetting" to take dummies on holiday when my child was 3 ish...and it worked a treat!

willali Thanks for the reassurance. Love the dummy-less holiday idea - but did it not make your holiday miserable? And did she not ask for it when she came home?

Hi

I've just got my DD to give up her dummy - she's 2 in a fortnight.

I thought it would be utterly hideous as she was becoming increasingly attached to it - and using it more and more during the day. It was a great source of emotional comfort but I felt it was affecting her speech.

She seemed too young for the 'dummy fairy' so basically I spent a week telling her that on Friday we would say goodbye to the dummy. On that morning (having rounded them all up) I got her to throw them in the kitchen bin in return for a big present!!!!

I then took her on a very busy trip to the farm as a distaction and so that she could nap in the car coming home.

Truly - it was amazingly OK

She asked for it about 20 times the first day, and less and less as time went on. I would say 3 days were the worst. And oddly not at bed time but when she was over tired as she didn't know how to soothe herself.

Having said all that, I think you are amazingly brave for tackling these things with such a young baby to look after too. And if the dummy is having no immediate impact leave it for now

Oh, and second the bed guard/stairgate plan!

Also, re potty training, its actually quite a headache running to loo and mopping up accidents with a newborn in tow. Unless you have nursery expecting it, or your DD is pushing for it, I would leave it for now.

I did it with DS when DD was 6 months old and was so glad I waited till then.

MarmMummy That's really, really useful - thank you!

She's quite interested in potties at the moment so am about to order her the red potty that she's specified. But even then, I thought we'd just try it out for an hour a day in the kitchen (which is easily moppable) and take it v gently. But maybe it doesn't work that way? Do you have to go cold turkey?!

Off to bed now but will be back online tomorrow

Just remembered - we kept finding DD1 asleep on the floor when we moved her over to the bed. In the end, we put the mattress on the floor and she slept like that for about 6 months before she was okay sleeping on the bed.

Speaking with my dentist hat on....dummies can affect the teeth if they're sucked for long periods - ie all day every day for a number of years. Not really a problem with baby teeth as they will fall out, so only a problem if dummy is still being used once permanent incisor teeth are coming through at around age 7+.

Most children will give up their dummy of their own accord once they are ready - usually before school age.

As for potty training/sleeping in bed I've got no useful advice.

If I were you I wouldn't worry about the dummy at the moment - it's likely she'll give it up when she's ready, or if not it can be taken by the dummy fairy once your happy she'll cope without it

If I were you I'd just chill and enjoy my newborn 7 weeks is VERY young and DD1 must still be adjusting....

Potty Training - is SO much quicker and easier if you wait till the child is obviously ready (rather than doing it on your timetable).

Dummy - why take away her comfort when a new baby has just arrived?

Bed thing - I think idea with bed guards is good. If your baby is up a lot in the night you really don't need to have extra hassles with toddler not going to sleep quickly!

you are brave. i had similar problams with the bed thing. i bought ds a bed just before his second birthday. brought him shopping picked everything himself, helped him build it etc. made a big fuss.

i also needed cot for ds who was 3 months at the time. she was in a big crib which i thought she would be in until she was 6 months.

ds slept in bed the frist night. felt very smug. but then it all went wrong. he screamed for his cot every night. begging me for his cot. i felt so awful for him. felt he had enough new things in his life with the new baby.

every two weeks or so i would try the bed again. same result. i had to get the lone of a sccond cot from a friend and bought a new matteress.

every night i would give him the choice of big boy bed or cot. he would always pick the cot.

only now at 2.8 is he in bed. he has been for 3 weeks now. to be honest i think he just did not have any room left in the cot and made the move himself.

as for the dummy he only has it at nap and bed and only sucks it until he falls asleep then it falls out so i am in no rush to get rid of it.

i think if i was you i would go for the potty training because a, girls are supposed to de easier than boys. b, you have help with the mess c, there in nothing worse than when the baby is more moblie, rolling in the mess. this has happened the odd time in our house

sorry to make it all so self centered but this was my experiance of a 18 month age gap.

just for the record the small age gap is great. now dd is almost a year they are best buddies and it lovely.

What redflipflops said.

I would start now with building her confidence that she is ok without her dummy. If she happens to not have it for anything, wait a bit, then say 'WOW look, you haven't got your dummy and you are fine'. I did this after trying traumatic dummy fairy episode .

She gave up 4 months later (with bigger, specific bribery too) but was a bit wibbly but could keep reminding her, it's ok remember you went without your dummy at Nanna's etc. I kept trying to ask her to try without her dummy too - basically reminding her that it was something she was aiming for when she was a bigger girl. THEN the 'forgetting when away' might work. Especially if you buy a cute little toy to 'help you go to sleep at night' .
Dd was over 3 but we had no trauma. Have read stories on here how people have gone cold turkey but their kids sob themselves to sleep. I couldn't do it.

The holiday was fine - but she did still have the scrungy muslin cloth that went with it - till she was 6

Sorry all, - couldn't get online for ages but delighted to get back and find all the extra advice.

Bunnygirl thanks so much for the dentistry advice - has massively eased my mind. DD only has the dummy for sleep time and her speech is really good so the only worry really was the teeth so am now in no hurry.

danmae great to hear positive feedback on the small age gap

So, in case you're wondering
(i) the dummy stays for now - I'm definitely not up for the sobbing to sleep option
(ii) have ordered a bed guard
(iii) am going to let her have a bit of time each day without a nappy and see how that goes - if she doesn't seem interested I'll leave it til later. The new red potty arrived and she's currently quite excited by the whole thing. We're going to buy knickers tomorrow!

Thanks v much for all your advice. And if any other tips come to mind please keep the posts coming...