how do you cope with unsupervised playdates when you have a disability?

[lolaismyfavouriteandmybest]

dd is 3 and we've just started play dates with a neighbours child when they don't stay with her. I have low vision and I'm feel like I'm putting myself in a dodgy situation by being responsible for her but I don't want to squash dd's first friendship.

I am registered blind (although partially sighted would give you a more accurate description of my ability) I don't always use my while stick when I'm just going to the corner shop or the car as I know the it like the back of my hand so I don't know if my neighbours realise my limitations. I hover behind this little girl whenever she visits as i'm paranoid about not seeing if she is safe.

dd is very delayed with her social skills. partially because she is visually impaired too and partially because I hover behind her and am always involved with her play. I need to back off but I worry about her safety, dd still puts anything and everything in her mouth...

Has anyone else been though something similar? its one thing being the sole carer for dd and I have no problem looking after friends children on my own (although most of my close friends don't take me up on the offer of babysitting... read into that what you will) but when its a virtual stranger I'm really uneasy.

i have ms and have problems with mobility which when my dd was little were "hidden" so had a similar problem with needing to hover if there was only me around.

the best thing for me was to be open about it with the other mums then depending on what the kids were doing (ie whether they were in a safe, enclosed area or out in the garden on the climbing frame and gadding about) i would ask the other mum (or dh) to be around...dd is 6 now and its different...at 3 i definitely erred on the side of caution

if you don't feel confident looking after another young child then don't. Invite the mum round too, on the pretence of having a coffee/lunch/a chat while the kids play. It sounds as if you are lacking some confidence in your own parenting abilities, so it's not surprising that you feel this way when it comes to looking after other children as well.

As for friends not asking you to babysit, try not to take it personally, although I appreciate that that can be difficult. The children are still young, and however good the friends are, it may be hard for them to anticipate leaving their very young dc with someone who cannot see them very well and potentially not see if they get into danger. Again if you don't come across as confident in your own abilities this might influence their thinking. But it will get easier as the children get older and are able to be more responsible themselves.

I first started taking friends of ds home when he was four. At that point they could be reasoned with, and they knew not to run across roads etc and to hold hands at curbs etc. Now he is seven and I have regularly taken two/three other children to/from the school disco for eg (in the dark) home from school and so on. And none of the parents have ever thought to have an issue with it. I am totally blind btw.

Thanks for your responses. My problem is that it is dad that brings the child round and we've tried the come in for coffee thing and it was weird.... they are happy to have dd at their house (this did unsettle me at first and I went with her a few times but I'm confident she is safe there so I backed off.) .

Most of the time my mum is supervising them. its only very occasionally me as I work full time and she comes round after school, and the child is becoming used to our house and needs less help to play.... at the end of the day at least one of her parents is across the street so I'll just keep a very close eye on her and whip her straight back home if there are any problems.

It sounds like it will get easier as the kids get older. thanks for the reassurance.

Hi, I am wanting to get in touch with other partially sighted/blind parents.

It's on behalf of my daughter-on-law, who has a new baby and a 3 year old.
She's incredibly independent and self sufficient, but having more problems recently coping with two children. Feels very isolated. I think it'd really help if she had others to talk to who have similar problems to solve daily.
Thanks