Thinking about going for 3 but concerned about age gaps

[scrummymum]

I am currently in the process of deciding whether to go for no.3. We have the room/money/car etc that works for 3 but I am worried about the age gap.

By the time we start ttc (due to external factors), the earliest no.3 will arrive is June 2011. By this time, ds will be 3.5 and dd will be 7. Obviously this is the earliest time so they could be older than that.

My main concern is that by the time dc3 is about 3 or 4 and able to join in with activities, my eldest will be 10/11 and won't want to be doing them anymore. Would they all still be able to do the same type of things, enjoy the same kind of holiday. I don't know any 10 or 11 year old girls so I don't know how well they would relate to a 3 year old.

Not what you want to hear but my DH had similar gaps between him and his brothers (they were 7 and 4 when he was born). While they were growing up it was very much the 2 of them doing stuff together that he was too little for.

Having said that I am sure there are other families with a similar gap with a completely different experience.

11 yo girls tend to be quite interested in bossing around 3 yos so you might find it's not too bad a gap.

I was hoping that the fact that my eldest is a girl (and a girly girl at that) would make it easier. I know that most preteen/teenage boys aren't that interested in babies or small children.

I have three DS', 10, 7 and just turned three. The older boys were almost eight and four when little one was born and the are fabulous together. DS1 will sit in bed with him and read stories at night or build train tracks by day. DS2 and DS3 are good friends and play together and the three of them have crazy day long hide and seek/den building days in the holidays. DS3 has always been quite grown up (using the loo before two, dresses himself, could swim by the time he was three) as he wants to be like 'his boys' as he calls them, it's fabulous, go for it!

There's a 7.5 year age gap between my sister and me and there haven't been any problems really. When she was 3 ans I was 10 or 11 then I just enjoyed looking after her. By the time she was about 7 my friends and I used to enjoy running her birthday parties

When she was a teenager I found her more annoying but was at university by then. Now we are 34 and 26 and get on really well together.

Just to add my two pennyworth . I now have 3 DD's. When DD3 was born, DD1 was nearly 8 and DD2 was 3.5. They all get on really well (most of the time).

DD1 loves DD3 and wants to 'mother' her all the time. DD2 has now accepted that DD3 isn't going back(!) and they get on well together.

I don't think age gaps really matter as long as you have a stable environment where you can give each child a little bit of individual attention each day to make them still feel special. Easier said than done I know.

DD3 is now 9 months old ad the whole household is starting to settle down a lot more. First 6 months were like a rollercoaster. But I'm so glad we did it. DH and I love our three girls.

Good luck TTC.

I'm one of three girls and the middle child. There are 2.5 yrs between me and my older sister and 4.2 yrs between me and my younger sister (apparantly I was a 'difficult' baby and mum couldn't face another any sooner ). When we were little it was always me and my older sister together - I don't even remember my younger sister before she was about 4... - but by the time my younger sister was about 5 or so it was me and her together because we had more similar temperaments and liked the same things.

The only problem I know of is that I point blank refused to share anything with my younger sister to begin with and wouldn't even pass old clothes on to her, but then I would have been starting school as she arrived and I was probably just very jealous of her being the new baby at home with mum. So a 4yr age gap could be something to watch out for.