help - what has happened to my five year-old?

[thirtysomething]

I have a ds aged 5 and dd aged 2 - ds has always been quite hyperactive and never stops talking or asking questions which can be quite draining but he is usually very sweet and we have learnt to live with it - since he started school this term however he has gradually become really insolent, never obeys instructions and messes around all the time at the dinner table - if we tell him off he ignores us and if we try time out in his room he cries hysterically. there seems to be no way of getting through to him. he is ruining family life as we never get any "chill-out" time and is also having a bad influence on dd who is usually very good and laid-back but has now started acting up like him! Does anyone have any advice? BTW he behaves excellently at school and had a very good report!

That's school for you!

Sorry, that wasn't very supportive. I'm sure someone else can offer some helpful advice.

sorry,no advice,just to say that we have spent the whole weekend discussing our ds 41/2,who has exactly your ds character and who has suddenly started acting just the same as you describe-down to a T.its so awful isnt it?our whole weekend feels like a waste of time-he ignores our requests,or is rude or then cries hysterically.he has not yet started school,still at nursery.my sympathies to you,will report back if i think of anything.

Yoko - I wonder if it could be to do with the hot weather or maybe diet? My ds is very small and has never been a great eater and has quite a limited diet - I have cut out all junk foods and try to cut out sugary snacks etc and it has made him a bit less hyper but he still doesn't eat well and in fact doesn't really see any point in eating....

thirtysomething - if you are looking at additives in food you will find they're in EVERYTHING. You have to check the ingredients of even the most unexpected things.

Could it just be that he's tired and drained from school and it will take a little time to adapt. I often find that my ds is difficult when he's tired and maybe we've tried to fit too much activity into a week. The school day is a very long one for little ones. I would just give him time to adjust and try and make sure he's in bed nice and early and getting quiet wind-down time after school.

My ds2 aged 4 1/2 has also been exactly like this. From being my placid, thoughtful, kind wonderchild, he is now a rude, stroppy, provocative little devil! Again, I'm putting it down to tiredness as he has found it hard to go to sleep with the light, hot evenings and has now got into a pattern of deliberately staying awake for as long as possible. He's still awake now and I'm getting really fed up of trekking up and down stairs to try to settle him down. Quite what the answer is I don't know, but you are not alone thirtysomething.

I suspect Anais is right and your ds is very tired - my ds is only 21 months (I have also got a stepdaughter of 11 who even now is tired after a school day) but I see his behaviour deteriorate incredibly quickly when he is tired (& put him to bed!). I think five is far too young for school but legally we have little choice so we have to cope with unhappy, exhausted babies who should really be in nursery still. I really think the bit you wrote about messing about at dinner time just screams tiredness at me. I don't know what to suggest to help but maybe a snack the minute he finishes school and a lie down on the sofa with a video or a story might help him.

Hi thirtysomething, I had the same sort of behaviour with my ds, who is now 5.5, when he started school last September. The teacher reassured me that it was totally normal (and that he was an angel for her!), as did people here. I agree, it's a combination of tiredness and having to be good all day at school. We're the ones who have to put up with the downside when they get home and don't have to behave in the same way - i.e. they know we still love them, despite vile behaviour. I hope you don't mind but I have said what worked for us on other threads so I'll point you in that direction - there's one here and there's a link to another thread in there with some advice that I found useful when ds was 'orrible. I know the discussions refer to 4yos but I think most of the tactics work at 5yo too. Maybe some of these things will work, maybe they won't but I do think he sounds normal and my ds is now through it and back to being (mostly) my darling sweet boy who is again wonderful company and a pleasure to be with. So you could try a few things but it's very likely that this will get better with time. I consoled myself with the thought that at least he was being a demon for me and an angel for the teacher and not the other way round - it meant I wasn't being hauled into school and showed he could behave if he wanted to! Good luck

thanks everyone - some great advice and I have tried the bad book tonight and house rules wickedwaterwitch and it seemed to have some success! Thanks!