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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Onlies...?

9 replies

hoff · 09/04/2010 16:05

Hi, sorry, i heard there's a thread on only children (we're undecided about ttc dc2) and i've been looking for it for ages. anyone know...? thnx

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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overmydeadbody · 09/04/2010 16:07

which thread?

There is a whole topic dedicated to onlies!

overmydeadbody · 09/04/2010 16:08

here

Original poster

hoff · 09/04/2010 16:09

thanks!

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Families General parenting

didgeridoo · 10/04/2010 00:10

I am an only child of 2 only children & have an only child myself, so am quite experienced in this matter! I would say only have a 2nd dc if it's really what you & dp want. If the only reason is to provide a sibling, I don't think it's a good enough reason. They may not even like each other!

If you have any particular questions, I'll be happy to help as best as I can.

Original poster

hoff · 10/04/2010 15:47

thanks didgeridoo!
we're so undecided, have days when we feel we'd like another but most of the time feel we're complete as a 3some and why rock the boat. i love my little boy to bits, had a great pregnacy, straightforward birth but just don't feel an overwhelming need/desire to do it all again. not yet anyway. i do worry he'll be lonely, but as you say, no guarantee they'll even get on. my dh constantly fought with his 2 younger sisters and they have never been close, not even now...
i wish at least one of us had a strong feeling one way or the other, it would be so much easier then!! i just don't want to regret whichever decision we make later on. oh, for a crystal ball...

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Original poster

hoff · 10/04/2010 15:53

didgeridoo, do you make a point of making lots of playdates? did your parents for you? did you/does your dc have similar age cousins etc? what about the long school holidays? if you go away is your dc lonely...?
i remember being a bit envious of the groups of siblings and cousins playing on the beaches together (i'm a kind of only -have 4 half brothers 12-18yrs older than me, so they had left home by the time i was growing up). but i had a very happy childhood, spent quite a bit of time alone, but don't really remember it being a negative. i've always been happy enough in my own company.

OP posts:

didgeridoo · 10/04/2010 21:18

Hi Hoff. My dh & I both agreed that we didn't want a 2nd child. We both love children - I work with them on a daily basis- but 1 was enough for us. We decided to live on a large housing estate with lots of other kids & my door is always open to them. I arrange lots of sleepovers & playdates for friends living further afield & don't worry if my dd isn't invited back every time. I tell the other mums I'm not counting! We don't have any cousins living nearby as me & dh live a long way from where we each grew up.

I began taking my dd to parent & toddler groups when she was a few months old so she would get used to the hustle & bustle. I then took her to playgroup at age 2 1/2 to get used to me not always being around. I think because of this she has always made friends quickly & is never shy of approaching another child. We go on camping holidays to sites set up for children & now dd is 11 we are thinking of inviting one of her close friends along.

As for me, I was a shy child but I grew up in the 70's in a close knit community. I could step outside & instantly find someone to play with so playdates were never needed.
It's very different for today's children
I enjoyed my own company & can't remember feeling lonely.

I firmly believe this "only child syndrome" is a load of tosh & it's how they're brought up that matters. Mine is definitely not what others would call a "typical" only child. She has her moments the same as any other & I try hard not to be blind to her faults or spoil her too much.

HTH!

pranma · 10/04/2010 21:35

I am an only and regretted it always.I vowed that if I possibly could I'd have at least 2 dc.As an adult I missed having another who had shared my childhood-when my parents died no one shared my grief.My dc missed out on aunts and uncles.
As a child I was dependent on my own company a lot-I made up an imaginary sister and pretended[to others and myself]that she was real.I was the focus of all my parents hopes and dreams.They gave me time,attention,lots of love but [because my father had MS and was impotent]no siblings.I am so proud of the realationship between ds and dd and a little envious.I am also sad for dgd who is another only.

didgeridoo · 10/04/2010 23:09

My dh is the youngest of 4. His mum died recently & far from his siblings sharing their grief all they did was fight - accusing each other of not doing enough, trying to secure a larger slice of the inheritance etc etc - it was a bloody nightmare! I'm glad I won't have anyone to fight with when my parents depart! (Much as I'll miss them!)

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