"surprise babies" when couples already have children - are they all really a total surprise?

[hattyyellow]

Just curious really. We already have 3 kids and I'm trying to fight off broody pangs for a fourth...part of me would actually like a surprise as it would save me having to make a decision!

There seem to be a lot of third and fourth "surprise" children around where we live and I'm just wondering whether they really are all total surprises.

A lot of these mums were on the pill and in their late 30's so I imagine the statistical chance of missing your pill, happening to have sex that night and happening to be at a fertile time to concieve (especially with a drop in fertility in your late 30's) - that must be pretty low odds of hitting the jackpot? My mum concieved my youngest brother in her early 40's but as a strict catholic she wasn't using any contraception so I imagine that makes it a little more likely that she would concieve..

Any thoughts or experiences? Are "surprise babies" very common or were those who had them a little aware that they stood a chance of getting pregnant when they were aware they had missed a few pills/got a bit carried away one night etc...not that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just curious!

It happened to my mum's friend - a 19 year gap. She and my mum were congratulating themselves on getting their youngest to college age, "I'll be able to do things for me!". She was v late 40's and thought it was menopause.

Goodness me - so suprises can definitely happen! I do wonder about the mums I know around here though - if it was really a suprise for all of them..

I would feel rude asking them if it was really a suprise - I think if I got pregnant again people would assume it was a suprise too as I have 3 under 5 already..

According to my mw, most 3rd babies are 'surprises'. Mine was. And he was even more of a surprise when he got to age 3 - turned out to be the most challenging, exhausting, downright unreasonable, but totally lovable, little boy.

We had DD and it took us 18mths of trying and various tests before I got pregnant with her. We decided that we would just stick with her and have no more, especially as I was in my late 30's had just been made redundant and was looking to set up my own business.

One night - yes one night of unprotected sex and I was pregnant with DS. I would not, for the world, be without him but he was a huge surprise to us.

My DH has a theory that a lot of women get pregnant in their late 30's/early 40's because the body has a last ditch attempt at producing before things start to close down, as it were (or we just get a bit careless at that age, thinking no way it would happen).

Very interesting thoughts..so it really can take one night and a suprise! But that you can identify that one night means it wasn't a total suprise..

I wonder also if women tell their midwives sometimes that it was a suprise because they are worried what they might think? Even thought I was coping well with my third child as a baby, I remember my midwife encouraging me not to have any more and telling me three was enough!

That's a really interesting point too and I wonder if it's a biological fact, that your body does start plaintively craving a child as you get towards the end of your reproductive time..I've just turned 35 and swore blind that I was done with having babies after DC3.

She is now nearly 16 months and I've just been hit like a sledgehammer with broody feelings!

Surprise is the word for our 3rd one especially as I took the morning after pill well within the time limits .

yup

If you miss one pill - perhaps just through an upset tummy not vommiting or something then you are unprotected for a week.

My cousin had her first at 19, single all that time. took antibiotics and didn't know they would affect her pill, had her 2nd when her eldest was 17 I think, she was not happy - def a surprise and was at leat 4 or 5 months gone before she realised!

The reason I could pinpoint the night was that it was the only night we had done it unprotected. The surprise for us was that we had had 18mths of unprotected sex trying to get pregnant with DD and it just didn't happen. We really were surprised that it had happened after just that one night.

I have heard them called change of life babies. I had mine at 44. Surprised! Yes but overjoyed too. My theory on this ( and it is just mine) is that with all the change of life things going on in the body, irregular periods etc. a feeling you can't really get pregnant ie those days are over so you get careless, that it does happen. Heard it enough to know it is true. I know someone who tried to get pregnantand could not. Gave up worrying and trying and at 42, got pregnant on holidays (heard alot of time it happens on holidays).

Just glad I'm not alone, DS3 starts school next term and I should be overjoyed at the thought of time to myself but I'm aching for one more baby. Just turned 35 so maybe that's what it is. Keep hankering after stories of people having accidental pregnancies whilst having a coil, but unless it falls out I don't think that's likely.

Yes. DS3 was a surprise, although should not have been. More like idiocy on our part.

Most people I know who had a 3rd had a surprise baby, and a friend of mine has one fallopian tube, was told for years she would not be able to have another, did not want another, and fell pregnant!

DC3 was a surprise although when you look at it it was inevitable she would arrive. I was off the pill for medical reasons and we were using the withdrawal method. ^ months later and I was pregnant.
DC4 is a total surprise, still breastfeeding DC3 and on the pill.
Am surprisingly fertile as DC1 and 2 were bothe conceived within days of us deciding to try for a baby. Both me and dp are being sterilized so no more 'surprise' babies

I also took the morning after pill to no avail with DC1- now 14 weeks old .
I'm only 19, but i do wonder about other young girls my age who also have 'surprise' babies.

i really need to sort contraception
We have two, family complete and like Fio I don't think I'm super-fertile. So it sounds like i'm just the sort of person to get caught!!

DC3 a surprise.

Was still bf ds2 who had taken 2 years to concieve.

One drunken night and here's DD

I think if you want a baby, and you clearly do, then you should have one.

OP were you suggesting that women get broody feelings and deliberately get pregnant and it is only a 'surprise' to their husbands?

Or that they subconsciously sabotage their contraception somehow?

Or just that, like Debs with DC3, the couple would have been trying slightly harder to not get pregnant if they really didn't want another? ( at DC4 though - I can just see you saying 'but I was doing it properly this time')

This is fascinating - thank you all so much for your thoughts and experiences.

Trillian I'm not entirely sure what I am suggesting! But perhaps it does ring true the subconciously sabotaging the contraception..I was going up to bed the other night and thought "I'm not 100% sure I took my pill, probably only 90% sure, but what the heck" and I guess that is a subconcious sabotage.. (great term btw subconcious sabotage, might write a book entitled this about this very topic!)