One of 3 and one of 18m. Is this a hard age gap to cope with, or am I particularly hopeless?

[HumphreyCobbler]

I am finding it really hard work atm. 3yr old DS never stops bouncing around, is only happy if I am holding him upside down by his ankles and resents anything I do with DD. She wants attention all the time and has a short concentration span.

DS has taken to pushing DD over if I dare to do anything else, like housework, I really shouted at him today which I know isn't a good way of dealing with it. It is hard for him in that DD knocks over his train track as soon as he has made it, or wants whatever he picks up.

I hope it will be better when the weather improves, but in the meantime has anyone got any tips for survival?

No tips I'm afraid, but I just wanted you to know that it is a difficult age gap -my two are 14 months apart and drive me mad at times. Now they are a bit older I separate them when they are being impossible (great advice from MN!)but when they were little like yours are it's not that easy. Good luck and don't beat yourself up - shouting isn't the end of the world.

yes this is a tough age. Mine are also 14-15 months apart and it was the years between the youngest being 2 and 3.5 that I found the hardest.

I think the best answer is being out as much as possible (i.e. wearing ds out - I know this is a virtually impossible task but you know what I mean) and the weather cheering up should help

also, if ds has stopped his nap and dd hasn't, make sure you get a special cuddle and play with him when she is napping. I often found that meant better behaviour later on (i.e. my eldest felt she'd had a bit of time with me and was happier to potter on her own later if that makes sense)

I remember willing that time away but now mine are big, I do remember those years fondly. Looking at the pictures, it's a v cute age which is probably scant consolation for how you are feeling now !

No tips really either, sorry. Mine are 19m apart and currently 2 and 3.5.

They are both insanely jealous of each other. They adore each other, hug, kiss and play wonderfully together at times - but can also beat the shit out of each other.

We try and do 1on1 time every other week - my mum will take one for 1/2 a day, I will take the other and then we swap a fortnight later (my mum works part time too) It means DS1 gets some time being spoilt by Grandma - and some time with Mummy. Similarly for DS2.

I;ve also started putting DS2 to bed 30mins- 1 hour before DS1 twice a week. This means DS1 and I get cuddles and a film/book alone without DS2 being tired, grumpy and fighting.

Its all had a positive affect on DS1 and he's a lot less volotile towards his younger brother now.

i found myself doing activities that everyone was able to join in eg playdoh, building bricks, drawing, music games, making mud in the garden. and they each have their own trains for the trainset and own cars for the garage. it is hard to start with but it can be great fun. i have gradually/eventually end up getting 3 of everything.

hth

My 18m.o. is heading to being a 2 y.o. - with the hand control to scribble. That's been great as a 'nice' thing to do with the two of them, where they don't irritate each other too much.

I've also made an effort to speak more positively to the baby. OTT praise whenever I can. It went through a phase where everyone seemed to be telling him off all the time - with the consequence that he was becoming grumpy and defiant. Don't touch my jigsaw/don't lick the toilet/don't push me/don't rummage in the fridge/don't eat cat food/don't rip my picture/don't experiment with the gas hob - you can see how a kid could feel vistimise,d huh .

Ds1 - my three year old - it really helped to bring in 'quiet hour'. Ds2 has his nap, and I read Ds1 a story, then encourage him to nap with me in the big bed. He rarely sleeps, but he likes the attention and is quiet and affectionate - and I get a nap.

I had a 2.5 yr age gap between my Dd and Ds1. When i hit this phase, i arranged an afternoons childminding so that i could thake Dd swimming on her own. It was nice - she seemed so much younger on her own somehow. Ds1 was too small to go swimming, so it also brought out the good side of being the eldest. It was also rather cute how, after a while, she;d start worrying that Ds1 was 'missing' her.

Thank you so much all of you. I really appreciate your replies.

I helps to know that it isn't just me. Will try out your suggestions and hope for a better day tomorrow.