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Why can't DCs play alone longer?

29 replies

Solo2 · 07/04/2010 12:45

When I was a child, I would spend several hours a day either playing completely on my own or with my bro. and sis. Often, this would be in the garden but it might also be in the house, perhaps reading books for hours on end, drawing, writing stories etc.

Now I've got almost 9 yr old twin sons who seem to have the attention spans of a gnat and who plead and plead for me to play WITH them. DS1 struggles to play alone at all and whilst he'd love to be out in the garden more, as his twin (who's sedentary, slightly Asperger's-like and rather incompatible) won't come out to play, DS1 retreats back into the house.

The one and only thing that will keep them both occupied for any length of time is using their PCs. DS2 uses his a bit more creatively to write synopses of TV shows he invents, stories and endless lists of whatever his current topic of interest. He also watches endless iPlayer clips of various TV programmes.

DS1 plays children's computer games on the net - not the violent sort but games nonetheless. He also looks at pop music videos, watches children's programmes on iPlayer and sometimes makes cards/ designs.

Their tiny attention spans and need for me to play with them all the time long pre-dates getting PCs, so I can't blame computers...although maybe PCs have exacerbated this?

However, I'm sure I'm not the only one who sometimes 'uses' their PC interest to get some time to complete a task, without interruption or do something I want to do for a little while.

Of course I'm torn in two now because I'm desperate for them to be able to occupy themselves for longer periods, so I can do stuff I need to do (I'm a single mum running my own business f/t single-handedly)....BUT...I feel incredibly guilty that the only way to get this, is to let them be on PCs.

There've been a few other things that occupy them a little longer - mostly slightly risky and therefore 'exciting' - though I'm always right in the vicinity - like tending their own minute garden fire, melting candle wax over a candle flame, hammering nails into wood. But this attracts DS1 more than DS2 and of course it needs then to be a good weather day, so we're all outside.

However, the other day, they spent about 12 minutes flitting from one activity (like fires and hammering) to the next and then either wanted me to play or to go back in and use their PCs.

How can I help them to find other all-absorbing things to occupy themselves with (when we can't have playdates I mean), as I did as a child? Is it 'too late' now they've become accustomed to PCs and all their uses? How can I manage their incompatibility and DS1s need to be with either twin or I wherever he is and whatever he does?

I've recently got them doing a bit of lego and playing cards, simple boxed games (they usually hate these) and charades - but they won't at all do these unless I participate and if they try to play alone, it never ever works, as they're so incompatible.

Why can't they be more like I was as a child and are PCs (and thus me giving them one) to blame?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ZZZenAgain · 08/04/2010 12:16

PMSl at the cricket because it goes on so long!

Bet there'll be a run on the summer courses after this thread. Have a feeling though, they'd pack a nintendo for whiling the time away when their side is batting.

MilaMae · 08/04/2010 13:45

I was thinking about this last night too.

I do think limiting screen time is the key,personally I find letting them have their time in the morning gets it over with ,stops all day badgering and makes them think that actually they've got to sort themselves out/ find something to do as there is no screen time for the rest of the day.

You clearly can't let them go off on their own but was wondering what your garden is like,it sounds huge. If it was me I'd ban them from the house for an hour or two in the afternoon into the garden(after making sure it was secure).You'll then be physically separated so they won't bug you and will be more likely to work/play together. I find having my twin boys in the house bouncing off the walls unbearable outside they can be as silly as they like.

Also could you set some projects ie get a book of simple science experiments and set them a task to complete it by the end of the hols out in the garden? The Dangerous Book For Boys has a few things to do,could you hand it to them and say choose something from there? Could they ride go-carts in your garden?Google outside things for boys to do and give them a task a day,make a list of ideas with them and get them to choose 1 a day. If they keep out of your hair all pm say you'll reward them with perhaps a comic,sweets etc. Also could you have some chums over and ask the mum if she'll have yours back so you both get some time free?

I'm not sure what 9 year old boys are like as mine are only 6 so the above may not be appropriate but hope it helps a bit.

Solo2 · 18/04/2010 17:40

Just to say thank you for all the replies, which I didn't get time to answer a week ago and more. This has been v helpful and have been trying out various strategies. As the Easter Hol went on, DSs became more able to occupy themselves alone a little more. It's as if the constant structure of school and the school week leads to them being unable to manage their own free time so well but they get better at it over time.

Back to school tomorrow however and the rigid structure starts again. They get SO much mroe homework than I ever di at their age.

Many thanks again for all the useful ideas.

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realitychick · 18/04/2010 19:07

I've only just stumbled on your post, Solo. Thanks for it - I could have written it. I have twins too, but younger than yours, and every day is a constant battle to peel them away from screens and out into the garden or off doing something. It feels as though unless I actively entertain them, they quarrel or plug into a screen.

I've tried a handful of tactics. One is to get them to help me with jobs - fold laundry - clean bathroom, cook tea, hoover. they quite like it. We actively engaged together.

i feel guilty that, truthfully I just don't want to play much any more. I'm knackered and busy and play bores me these days. I want them to get on with it.

We do play board games, go cycling together and read together, and I'll set them up to do other activities. I felt guilty today as my son nagged and nagged for me to help him plant a garden, but I was so shattered I said no. He was upset for about two minutes, then went on to plant it himself.

The main difference I see is that our mums could allow us to go off alone and we can't. We played for what felt like hours in the back lane. We went to the park alone.

There is a small tribe of nice enough kids at the top of our street - ranging in age from five to 13, who are allowed out all day long unattended. My two look at them with longing and I have started to wonder if I should let them play with them for half an hour or so, but they're only seven!

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