Coping with a crying baby

[Daisy134]

I'm really struggling with my baby. He's four months old now and his crying is doing my head in. He's had really bad colic and is now teething. It feels as though every day is a struggle. I know he has to go through a difficult time if he is in discomfort but the crying has worn me down to the point when some days I feel shellshocked and unable to cope.
DH works from home but is working to tight deadlines and can only help a few minutes each day. My parents are dead and family are a long way away.
How do other mums cope with relentless crying and fussy babies? I feel so awful for writing this because he's lovely in so many ways and I adore him. I really need some help, though, as some days I feel at breaking point. The only thing that helps are teething powders and walking, which I can't do all day as it's too exhausting and I have so little left.

Hopefully once the teeth are through you may get a bit of respite.
I found I had a mental check list of activities and things to divert baby with during the day and somedays it was just a bloody struggle to get through, but then you feel bad that you're not 'enjoying' your baby enough!
I think I found it got easier when I wasn't quite so tired myself - so rest when you can.

(((hugs))) I am a nanny and I've looked after some constant cryers. It's physically and mentally exhausting. Do you have a friend who could maybe come and watch him for a bit so you can have a bath, or do something relaxing on your own? Could you afford a mothers help for a few hours? Your sanity is really important, just as important (more so, even) as your husbands work deadlines. Can you get him to help out more? It sounds like you're at the end of your tether and really no matter how busy he is he should do more to help ease your stress. I know it sounds unlikely now, but it will get better, or at least less hard.

Oh Daisy I know how you feel this was exactly how my first few months with DD went. I don't know what to say to though, what helped me was getting out to Mother and baby groups - and yes DD did scream the place down most weeks - or anywhere really where I could chat to people.. I know it can make you feel so miserable and alone... I remeber feeling like this wasn't what I signed up for but it did get better.

daisy

you've done amazingly to get this far.
I had a horrendously cry-y baby in my second child. there were times when i had to ring my partner and get him to come home because i felt i might hurt the baby

things that helped me were:

cutting dairy and egg out of my diet- it turned out he was intolerant to them so very unhappy (had other symptoms too though, not just crying)

a GOOD sling. we had a moby, which meant I could carry him comfortably for hours, including while I cooked dinner and stuff. he would also be happy in it if i sat down, which helped as i could sit and have tea

getting out of the house. even just into town for a walk around. he was fine in the sling, or in th pushchair for short periods and i felt a bit more "normal" walking around looking in shops

getting friends in to help. I had one fab friend who used to come and take my elder child out so i could just go to bed with ds2 and try and sleep

• if this is not an option for you then look into homestart and surestart... ask your health visitor about this

also, get enough sleep! go to bed early and get your partner to just bring baby to you for feeds, or to feed him himself if he is FF.

and if he can get up with the baby in the morning and give you half an hour extra or something that will help

Do you have a sling? Baby carrier? Will he sleep
in that?

DD3 had terrible colic. It will get better, but it is awful at the time.

Have you tried taking him out in the pram? Sometimes fresh air helps.

What about a dummy?

Do you have any friends who can knock about with you and have earplugs don't mind screaming? Company helps.

hi Daisy. My DS is now 8 months old and getting much better, but the first 4-5 months were hell. He has/ had reflux and cow milk protein intolerance so he was in pain a lot of the time. He cried every day, some days it was 8 hours straight. My DP works nights so has to sleep during the day, but many days this wouldn't happen because of the noise. On a few occasions I had to wake him up as I was in pieces, and sobbing on the floor.

Getting out did help and still helps when DS is whingy. For some reason, he's always happier outside. We never used a sling, but we have a mei tai which is a great carrier.
I think the main thing that helps is the time, but I was very, very close to depression in those first months. I lost a lot of weight, was constantly anxious and hated waking up every morning thinking about what was to come

Take good care of yourself, get your DP to help a bit more. Maybe he can put the baby in the pushchair and take him out, and you can have a long bath or sit on the sofa and do nothing?
It won't last forever, honestly!

Dd1 was a constant crier, cried all day and all night and i couldn't take her out as she would cry even more at other peoples houses .

I was told by my HV that if it gets too much 'just put them in a safe place (cot/pram) and leave them for 10 minutes,crying won't hurt them'. If he's happy in the pushchair then put him in and walk.

Have you got family who can help out or give you a bit of a break?

It does get better, although dd1 was like this until she was mobile.

You could try a mums & baby group - I know they can be horrific but you might find a nice one. I occasionally go to ours and the other mums have been brilliant at taking DD for a stroll around the room. Just great to have a break and a cuppa. DD would often go to sleep there too despite the noise. Plus the walk there and back with the buggy was also good.

Anbesol liquid is great for teething and I've found it far better than bongela. It's strong and because it's liquid you can rub it in without it slipping off your finger like the gel does. I did also resort to infant paracetamol on more than one occasion too (for DD, not me!). Once DD was old enough to hold something in her mouth to chew, it got much better - she was also teething from 3 months.

Thanks so much for all your help and advice. I'm definitely going to try Homestart to see if I can get some support/advice. So sorry to hear about other mums who have had a tough time too. My baby was ill at four weeks and had to have two operations on his tummy, so we've been through a lot as a new family. Love Daisy

Wow - you're coping with alot. It does pass - honestly it's awful, but try and remind yourself it won't be like this forever.

I've also got a 4mo old and today I did just but him down for a minute and walk away as I was getting really angry. It has got much better, and we've had all sorts of fun with bottles/formula combos trying to get them right, but it does feel relentless.

What a hard time you seem to be having.

Babies often go through a developmental growth spurt at around 4 months and their apetites increase massively too. Is he feeding more too?

It won't be forever. Concentrate on the biological needs of yourself and your baby and simply surviving. Everything else there will be plenty of time for in the not to far future.

This charity is very good and you can speak to someone (sometimes hearing a voice is more comforting than reading an internet forum)

Parentline

Please try Homestart. I am a volunteer and I have taken a baby out for a push in the pram for an hour whilst his mum caught up with some sleep .

It can be hellish with a cryey baby. My DS1 was a difficult baby but somehow turned into a scrummy toddler. Please remember it won't last forever.

One thing that seemed to help was putting him in the pram and going for a massive 1-2 hr walk everyday. It improved both our moods and had the added bonus of me fitting into my pre-baby jeans.

Another thing that I've seen work miracles with infsnts who've had traumatic births, or difficult first few weeks, is cranial osteopathy. I highly recommend it. Ask your HV or GP if they can recommend someone, or maybe another mum might be able to recommend someone.

oh yes - my DS did well with a couple of visits to the chiropractor.