I'm not sure about reassuring you, but tbh you're talking about it being all your responsibility to deal with the childcare fees, and talking about your redundancy money to keep you going. Aren't you and your husband equal partners in your marriage? Yes you may lose your equal earning status, but does that mean you'll lose your equal partnership status?
Resent your employer, resent your dh, resent society, but please don't resent your children - I think that's transferral behaviour.
Yes you may be bored, but you need to find things you like doing and don't feel you have to go to mum and baby groups that bore you senseless. OTOH, you might find one where you meet someone you get on well with.
With the me time, hmm... I'm not sure I can reassure you on that one! With that one, you'll have to negotiate with your dh to make his see that when you're at home, you're doing a job, and he needs to make some space for you, at least once a week, where you can relax.
But I think at base, you need to sort out you and your DH's feelings about the value of you staying at home, because I think that's what's terrifying you - if you don't value it highly, and your dh doesn't value it highly, then you're going to find yourself a second class citizen in your relationship, tbh. And a bloody hard working one at that. Not a nice prospect, so I do understand why you're unsure about this.