Hi,just need to let this all out as i have no-one i can talk to.
I have 5 kids aged 25,23,18,6 and 3. My elder 3 have left home and my 25 yo dd has a 4 you ds who i'm currently looking after at the moment, indefinately. My dd has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She was emotionally and physically abusing her ds and that is how he is with me now. She told her hv about it herself so she realised what she was doing and knew that she needed help. For 8 months he remained with his mum while she was getting a lot of support but it just did'nt work and they decided that my dgs would have to go into care. I could'nt see that happen so i said that i would take him on but would need support as i have 2 young dcs of my own.
My dd sees an alcohol counsellor and has been told in no uncertain terms that if she does'nt stop drinking she will not get her ds back, she is still drinking! She also can't control her spending and is always short of money. My dgs is very difficult to handle and my dc are finding it quite hard having him here.
My dp is'nt the father of my three older children but has been really good to them. My dp has had problems with his temper over the years and had anger management a few years ago which helped a lot. But the last night everything came to a head, i was working yesterday and my dp was watching the kids. When i finished work my dgs told me that my dp had turned him upside down, i asked my partner what happened and he said that he had picked him up and put him under his arm to take him out to the naughty step for hitting our puppy and that he was'nt actually upside down. He lifts our ds up in the same way. Anyway i accepted what he said. My dd comes round every evening to settle her ds for the night and he told his mum the same as he told me. She confronted my dp and he said that it was while he was taking him to the naughty step. My dd can be very confrontational and quite rude and dismissive for my dp. He was angry and told he to get out and she laughed at him, he stood up and moved over to her to tell her again to leave and she called him "a fucking retard". Then he grabbed her cardigan to try to get her to leave and i had to intervene. It ended up with my dd trying to take her ds out of the house, which she's not meant to do. Then she started sending me texts telling me how much she hate my dp and wished that he was dead, and that she was going to get her ds away from and kill herself. She has threatened this a few times in the past. She has also in the past couple of weeks hurt my ds, firstly by poking him on the foreheah and leaving a bruise and then pushing him to the ground. She also told him that she would break his fingers. This was because he hit her and had hit her ds. Her ds used to hit my ds continually and i would never have said or done those things.
Anyway my dp feels that he should leave, he thinks he's no good. My dd did come back to ours eventually and we sort of smoothed things over but i really don't know what to do. I feel so bad for my dd because this is all so hard for her but i also feel really bad for my dp as its been tough for him too and he's never said anyhting to her before about the way she treats our dc but ithink he'd just had enough. I'm not trying to condone what my dp did but ican understand why he felt the way he did.
I don't think i can carry on like this, i feel torn apart. All i want to do is keep my family together.
Sorry this is so long, just had to unload it all.