Young Parents

[Aimeesmum]

Hi, I'm Sam, and I'm about to turn twenty. I gave birth to my daughter, Aimée Louise, two months after I had turned 19. I have been with my fiancé, Tony, almost three years now, and he has got a good job and works full time, so we are not in reciept of benefits. I am a full time mum at the moment, but I plan to go to university next year to train to be a midwife. We are totally happy, and we do not want for anything.
My main problem is other people. Tony works shifts and because we are out in the morning, perhaps doing some shopping, they assume we are claiming benefits, and give us bad looks. It is so annoying that people think we must be bad parents because we are young. Why do they think young people are incapable of bringing a child up properley? We intend to send Aimée to private school, and are hoping to emmigrate to Australia in approximatley 5 years.
Does anyone else have an opinion on young parenting?? I would be happy to hear from you. You can post a message or e:mail me at [email protected]

Hi Sam, I'm about to turn 22 and found out I was pregnant at 19. I never encountered any bad remarks whilst pregnant but after my daughter was born I did sometimes feel some people's attitudes were quite patronizing, it was almost as though they thought that I wouldn't do a very good job as a mother because of my age. At the moment myself and my partner of six years, even though we both work, do have to rely on some benefits to supplement our wages (which are quite low). I wish some people would realise that whether someone has to claim benefits or not, or if they are younger parents, it has no reflection on their ability to bring up their children. I think it's brilliant that you are going to university next year, I'm going back myself in October. When I found out I was pregnant I did initially feel as though any oppourtunities that I had ahead were suddenly gone. All of my friends were at uni' and I felt like the life I'd planned was over. It's taken me a year or so to realise that this is not the case.
Having said that I'm very nervous about going back to college - mainly worried about being able to cope with the workload from college, doing my (part-time) job and still being there for my daughter. Has anyone else been in a similar position? Is it impossible??
Don't get too upset at other people's reactions. Unfortunately there does seem to be a bit of a stigma attatched to being a young parent, or claiming benefits, but most level headed people can see that it doesn't make a difference to how much you love and care for your child.

Hi there...thanks for posting a message! When I said about claiming benefits, I did not mean benefits for people who are working, like working families tax credit, or childcare tax credit, as we do recieve a small amount of that, due to my fiancé being the only one who works, or Housing and Council tax benefit, because at the end of teh day you can't make your employers pay you more!! What I meant was people who sit at home all day and do not go to work. This is what people often assume of myself and my fiancé due to us being out in a morning together. I am all for benefits when you are at work, as it shows you are positivley doing something to earn money, and I think this way more people would go to work. I have much admiration for parents who work, and I did not mean to imply that recieveing benefits was was. I myself had to be in reciept of Income Support when I was pregnant, as we were still at college, and Tony could only work part time. What annoys me is when people assume you are what is commonly known as a 'doley' because you are young and have children. Th eonly gripe I have is when both parents stay at home when one of them at least is capable of going to work. I do not doubt that being in reciept of benfits makes anyone bad parents, so why do people assume young people must be bad parents. I often see people looking at me to see what type of clothes my daughter is dressed in, etc...and I think that even if her clothes were from a market as long as she is clean who cares!! Also, we live in a rented council house, which is seen as 'innapropriate' by some people's standards, particularly as it's not in a great place, but I am totally happy with living in my house, even though we have been approved for a mortgage to buy our own house. However we have decided against this as we are settled were we are, and we're happy. All I want to say is that young or old, or in reciept of benfits, I think as long as you give your child/ren evrything they need then who cares...I just feel that certain people need to realise this!!
Hope you post again soon,
Sam x

Dear Bexi
I was first married at 16 and had my first child at 17, but this was a generation ago compared to you! I am now married for the second time and had my second child at 40. Obviously I was very young the first time and very old the second time. I have to admit I felt both times that I didn't quite "fit in"! But I carried on with my education after having my first child with the result that I went to University when she was 6 and finished when she was 9 with a 2:1 in Anthropology and Education. I loved every minute and found it easy to fit my terms in with her school ones, going to lectures and picking her up from school and studying in the evenings when she was in bed. The brilliant thing about being a young parent is the fantastic amount of energy you have. So go for it, you will not regret it for a minute. Daughter No. 1 is now 28 and is doing very well, having done marvellously at school (was always top of her class) despite having the youngest mum of all her friends! Daughter No. 2, who is 4.5 and about to start full-time school in September may get a bit more time with me, may get a bit more money spent on her but there is no way she could turn out better than her grown-up sister (I'm hoping for her doing just as well!)Hope this message encourages you and remember, when I went to University it was still very rare for women with children to be students. It must be more acceptable now, 20-odd years later!

Cheers Cam for the encouragement. Judging by the trouble I've had so far trying to sort out on-campus childcare I wont be the only undergraduate with a young child. It really is reassuring that not only did you survive all the hard work but you actually managed to enjoy university, I had it in my head that I'd signed myself up for three years of stress and worry. I'm feeling a bit more positive already!

Some univerisites offer free childcare for students' children - Lampeter, part of the University of Wales, does.

Hi all...I'm hoping to start university next year, and at the time my daughter will be just about to turn two. Because my fiancé works full time my daughter will need to go in to childcare for most of the time when I am at Uni...although my nanna is willing to have her a few hours a week. I do not think that there are enough provisions made for parents who want to further their education. I am applying to Sheffield and to Hull...and I am hoping that I can get her in to the university nursery. The problem is that there are only 49places a Hull, and 64 at Sheffield. The places are subsidised by the university, but the standard fee is almost £10...and if I have to put her in two sessions a day that is £100 a week!! If I cannot get her in to the university nursery than I will have to pay the full fee at a private nursery in Hull and have to find someone to ick my daughter up for me and take her..as I will need to leave for University before it opens. The government are always going on about helping people with children, but the costs o childcare are too much. I will have to work part time, aswell as looking after my family, and trying to do a full time midwifery course. How I will managed I do not know!! Although, like other mums I guess I will have to. I think it's about time there was more for provisions for parents!

Hi Aimeesmum, Have you contacted your LEA about applying for financial student support (to pay your tuition fees) because when I did you can apply for a childcare grant aswell which is especially for student parents. Your LEA may pay (depending on circumstances) 85% of your childcare costs as long as you use a registered childminder or nursery. As far as I know this applies to any nursery - on or off campus - as long as it is registered. I applied for it the other week but haven't heard anything back yet.

Hi Bexi, thanks for letting me know about the childcare grant, I'll give the LEA a ring soon. I'm hoping to do nursing or midwifery, so my tuition fees are already paid for..so no one seems to mention the childcare!! Thanks again.
Sam xx

Hello again Aimeesmum. When you do contact your LEA they'll send you a booklet outlining all of the financial help available to students, it's really clear and lists each grant outlining who is eligible for what. Also check out www.dfee.gov.uk/studentsupport. There's info there about a travel, books and equipment grant especially for students with dependant children. Are you going to move house/towns to do your course?

Hi Bexi, thanks for telling me about the dfee website. I'm going to go take a look after I've typed this, and I'm ging to phone the LEA today to ask for a booklet. Thanks a lot once again! I'm so looking forward to going to university (if I get accepted!! lol) and I know that it will give Aimée the chance to meet children of a similar age, which at the moment she just doesn't get It's good to know that there are other people out there in a similar situation to me, needing childcare, so that they can continue with their education. I do feel a little guilty that I will be spending all that time away from her, but I know that it is for the best, so that I can get a good job...and help support our family along with my boyfriend.
Spk soon,
Sam

Hi Aimeesmum, was very interested to see your message. I'm about to turn 24, and am also strting Uni in September (all being well)!!. Just wanted to say that it's really nice to see that somebody else realises that life goes on after kids!!. The financial situation is a nightmare though isn't it?, I'm still trying to work out childcare costs etc., don't know how I'll cope with Uni work plus looking after my little girl (who'll be 1 in October), but really want to try. Anyway, good luck, hope it all goes well!!

Hi there! My daughter will be one in October too, on the 22nd. Yes, the financial situation will be hard!! I am lucky that Aimée will be almost two when I start Uni, as I am going til 2002, so I think she will be old enough to spend some time apart from me, as right now she is very clingy, and does not like to be left with other stoo long.
I hope berything goes well for you!! It'd be great if you could let me know how everything goes so I can prepare myself for any pitfalls!! My email is [email protected] Thanks!! and once again Good Luck!!