I'm dreading going back to work...

[dizzytrout]

It's been such a long time since I've logged on, I could just do with some experiences/advice about returning to work after maternity leave.
I've been off since I had my little girl in October, has a bit of a rough time for the first few months due to PND, which now saddens me so much, as I know I'll never get that time back with her.
Anyway, it's nearly time for me to return to work and I just don't want to leave her, I wish I could give up and be with her all the time but we just can't afford it.
I've tried asking of I could take holidays a couple of days a week for a while, but due to the nature of my job they can't really allow it.
I feel I'm going to miss out on so much, I knew I would feel like this, but I didn't iyswim

i had my baby boy in october in 2 minds about going back to work too. you are entitled to request flexible working hours just make sure you do it 8 weeks (i think) , before you go back, they have to consider your request. im thinking of work as time for me to be myself again and realising that i will appreciate the time i do have with my baby even more, trying to be positive but worrying about childcare options , could you not go back part time?

I would really love to go part time, but we're in the process of buying a more family friendly home so I really can't afford it at the min.
I put forward a proposal for taking some holidays and unpaid days to start with, but it's pretty difficult to arrange around the offices busy periods, they said I can go part time but there would be no guarantee I'd get my full time hours back, plus I worked out my salary if I did 4 day weeks and I just can't do it.
I even asked them about changing my hours, but again, they said it didn't work with the business needs.
I'm thinking about maybe doing one or two late starts and late finishes if they'll let me.
I just love being with her so much, we do loads of mother and baby activities and I'm concerned that she won't get any of that when I go back to work. My MIL is very kindly looking after her for us, but she is a very busy lady so she wouldn't have time to take her to anything like that.
A win on the lottery could help

I went back to work 4 weeks ago full time, our little girl is 8 months old now. I was dreading it so much I felt sick at the thought of leaving her. I have to say it's actually not as bad as I feared - yes, it's hard work but I was under no pretentions about that! I too feel sad about missing out on things with her, but it's life for many of us and we're doing it for lots of good reasons. She's settled in really well with her childminder - I admit I feel quite jealous of the childminder sometimes spending so much time with our daughter and doing all the things with her I feel that I should be - and wish that I could go part time, but it's just not an option for us right now. I think that it's a lot harder for us than the babies! You'll be fine x

I am in exactly the same position - will be back to work in a month and little boy going to nursery for 3 days a week. I'll be working from home 2 days a week.

I have absolutely dreaded the thought of being apart from my boy. I don't want to ruin the last precious weeks at home obsessing with the future, but it's hard.

Weirdly, I got chatting to a woman in a queue who had studied child development, and she said to me that we are social creatures. Mums need to mix with adults and children in the past, tended to grow up in extended families, surrounded by lots of familiar faces - not just their Mum's. So, I am clinging on to to the fact that by going to nursery 3 days a week, my boy will be part of an extended family and I will be a better Mum.

I have to go back to work, and I can't change that. So, I'm going to do everything i can to make the time i have with him, as fun as possible.

I can't really give advice though - I need it just as much as you. Am feeling your pain. You're not alone x

Sounds silly but have you looked at your monthly outgoings ? could these be reduced to give you enough spare to do a 4 day week or do you pay capital and interest on your mortgage what about going interest only for a few years and then make it up when you DD is at school ?
Im currently expect no 4 and went back full time after DD1 It wasnt as bad as I though it would be and DD1 and DH are really close as a result (he does shifts so was at home some days).
Hope it works out

My DD is nearly one, I went back to work when she was just over 6 months. I had to go back for financial reasons, we have used up most of our savings for me to stay off as long as I did as my employer only paid the basic deal of 90% salary for 6 weeks and then £110 per week afterwards.

I was dreading going back. The first time I left her at nursery for an hour as a settling in visit I cried for the whole hour. I must have looked a complete sight wandering round the supermarket with tears pouring down my face!

However she settled into nursery very well which made it much easier for me to leave her and they are a lovely team there who really care for her. She gets kisses and cuddles and loves to be with the other babies in her room and play with all the toys they have.

I started 3 days a week and now work 4 days since Jan.

Luckily my work have a flexitime scheme so I get there at 8am (DP drops DD off) and leave at 4.30 to collect her around 5.10. If they didn't have this option I don't know how we would manage. When we are busy, I can log into the work computer system from home and work there in the evenings if I need to and it has worked quite well so far.

DD loves her time at nursery, she is happy when DP drops her off and happy when I pick her up, she still loves her mummy and daddy and I get very happy smiles and excited flapping arms when I go to pick her up. I don't feel I've missed out on too much really as I still have lots of time with her.

In the end the fear was worse than the reality for me but I think the fact the nursery are so good has been a big help.

All the best, it will be OK