any advice please ppl

[poopeeplops]

Had bad pregnancy and father wasnt ready for a baby but i didnt want a termination, was not planned but werent taking precautions either. I choose to keep the baby and knew i wud be doing it alone, he messed me around alot through the pregnancy saying i want to be involved then no i dont want to be involved. I always forgave him and gave him another chance to be there throughout the pregnancy and each and every time he let me down with excuses.
Baby is here now and he wants to try and make amends but thinks my way is a joke, he was aggressive towards me wen i was 9mths and never showed support.
He has tried all the ways to get me to agree to access giving me a guilt trip that ive caused this situation and lied to him(which i havent), giving me altermatums if i dont answer in 5 minutes etc..., then saying that im a f*"@ing joke and i can go f@*k myself, also he told me wen i was due he would fuck me off and cant be bothered with us. i have said contact has to be in a contact centre and i want drugs test to prove hes not been smoking drugs before seeing him, he has said he is not willng to do this, i now feel guilty, have i done the right thing? He once told me he drives after having smoked drugs with his other son in the car, and he smokes it at home whilst other child is there, i just want my son safe. Opinions please ladies!

I feel really guilty and bad about the situation, feel like this is my payback for not terminating the baby.

wow he sounds like a real catch!

i think you are better off without him. i would see a solicitor about access and things liek that if i were you

What are the reasons for giving him access?

He sounds like a waster and I would want him to prove himself befor eseeing my baby.

What are his parents like, maybe they could act as a go between?

Getting seperate is one option but if u want to be with him as well then don't let your self-respect get hurt and if it comes to your baby, don't take anything from anybody though it is your partner or anybody else. Draw a line to the extent you can take stress and if it is crossing that limit just get another options. Because, this stress may effect your little one in future and of course nobody would want their little one to be brought up in such stressed environment. So take a stand...

Is the answer not to just read your post back to yourself then think honestly what advice you would give a friend?

You must know the sensible thing to do?

He hs messed with your head to make you feel guilty. You have brought a healthy baby into the world. Lots to feel proud about.
Terminating a baby would surely have caused more guilt.

You have to do the right thing by your baby and for yourself.

My dad was a verbally abusive man and he destroyed my mum and my brother and I grew up very unhappily with no confidence.

Men like him control you by making you feel worthless.

Run a mile, give this child and yourself a chance of a life or you will bitterly regret it, trust me.

Especially if your child is a boy. Boys a effected even deeper by their fathers behaviour. My brother is an even worse person than my dad and has treated his own children and ex's worse than my dad ever did. He is evil.