Does your DC ever openly smile when you're attempting to discipline them? What do you DO??

[prettyinpunk]

I have this with my 2.6 yr old, who openly thinks it's hilarious when I go in to explain why he's been placed in his cot for the last few minutes because of some misdemeanor, but also with my 4.9 year old, who actually tries to hide his smile with his hand on occasion (also does this with his teacher at school...).

I find it SO frustrating.

I am not soft - in fact, I think I over-do it and seem to have a go so often that the DCs know they get the same (exaggerated, perhaps) reaction whether they've, for example, splashed water all over the bathroom (mild violation in my normal, reasonable frame-of-parenting-mind) or hit sibling/dog/Mum/other child (serious violation).

It very much feels as though there's a 'whatever' attitude in this house and do I just need to chill out?

My DS is a bit little - but I remember doing this as a child, and it wasn't because I wasn't taking it seriously, it was just a weird reaction to fear/shame - I still have it now and have to try very very hard not to laugh at inappropriate moments.

Yes, Bertie, I think that's pretty much the case with the younger one, especially as he has difficulty communicating and it must be his reaction to the telling off.

I just don't know how to approach it though, because it makes me even more angry (and I'm quite short-fused anyway) so I find it makes me over-react even more, and lose sight of what the original issue was.

The boundaries have become confused, which makes it more confusing for the child. Does this make sense?

try to ignore and walk away. my son now still thinks it's funny when people get cross

Dd2 does the hugest, cheekiest grin you have ever seen. It makes it very hard to be cross with her, especially when she combines the grin with cocking her head to the side and wrinkling her nose.

Well it's reassuring that it's fairly common then...

I do tell myself to ignore and walk away, but tbh, at the moment it's like a red rag to a bull.

I can accept that it's 'acceptable' behaviour with the 2.6 year old, but what about the nearly 5 year old? Especially when he does it to his teacher as well?? southeastastra - how old is your ds?

he is 8

I think my DS is almost 5 going on 8

Doesn't worry me too much how they react as long as I get my way. Quite often I find it helps discipline if we can all have a laugh together at the end, sort of shows me more confident I suppose.

You need to ignore it as it's secondary behaviour - do not look at him - just calmly explain the consequences and walk away - what's important is that they do the punishment.

I have this with my 11 year old (tis infuriating) - eyerolling/tutting/nasty lookssighing/whining/. Makes me explode in my head (not out loud as then she would win in the winding me up contest).

Stick to the punishment and go out of the room and swear under your breath. The other day i had to go in the car to swear about her

I train teachers in behaviour management, and this comes up a lot.

One of the exercises we do is roleplay, where one person tells the other off at close range (ie face to face). Without exception, the person who is being told off smiles and/or laughs- and these are adults. It is a perfectly natural reaction to being told off at any age, especially if it's by someone you know well.

Please don't think they are doing it to wind you up. For the 2 year old, it is probably hilarious to see you in another 'role'; whereas for the 4/5yr old, it is likely to be embarrassment. Same for the 15 yr old- it just feels like they are doing it to wind you up.

Laurie is right, it is secondary behaviour, don't engage with it. Besides, does smiling stop them listening to what you are saying? Of course not. The reason this is such a difficult behaviour to deal with is because it makes us feel stupid. Try and rise above this, as it is not the reason they are doing it.

Oh I have an online home lol. My DD age 12 is expert at the curled lip nostril flare eye roll mutter stomp door slam. My one and only issue with my DP is over it. For example....

Took her shopping on Saturday, always cue for much of above. The deal is, if they spend their own money on clothes, I usually go halves coz at least its semi sensible. She want a superdry t-shirt and shirt which although lovely, together would've cost almost £90!! I said no that is too dear.

Cue all of above.

Gets home, DP has arrived back from trip away, does best mermaid look, well that's what she calls it, head to one side, flick of hair, batt of eyelids, and I just know when she gets back from her dad's on monday of next week she and DP will go on a shopping trip.

FRUSTRATED

Oh yes. dd (13) said once "you'd love to slap my face wouldn't you---but you can't".
She was so right.

dd1 is 7 and she does this all the time. either giggles or smirks. it drives me MENTAL but tbh i try my hardest to ignore it as if i comment on it she is quite likely to giggle.

sometimes i hink she does it on purpose and other times i think it is just how she reacts.

damn frustrating though

deaddei. I think if dd has said this to me, then I would have just to prove her wrong. Oops...

I hope my ds stays 2 for a long time....

Uncanny. My 14yo has just done this to me about 5mins ago, have come on MN to cool off!

He has always done it - is a nervous thing I think. Drives me absolutely berserk, he seems to do it when me/dh are at our most annoyed with him, not over anything trivial!

I finished what I was saying, slammed calmly shut his bedroom door and came on here. Will see whether telling off had any effect later!!

tethersend - i think you're totally right with it being an embarassment thing. i can see that completely with my 4.9 year old and being able to now understand that has helped me lots today, so thank you.

after delivering any disciplinary words i looked away and busied myself doing something else and tried really hard to ignore his reaction. it was amazing how he would just go quiet, instead of chirping up with some comeback.

have ignored it in the younger one too and feel so much better for doing so. it was just too easy to take out my frustration even further by reacting to it (a sneaky nap over lunchtime helped as well )

it's reassuring to hear other mners have the same, although not so reassuring that, judging by some of the dcs' ages, there are years of it yet to come!!!