Am I expecting too much of my 3 year old?

[Campaspe]

My DD is 3.4 years old. She attends pre-school for 5 days a week, mornings only, and seems to enjoy it and to be coming on well.

My frustration is that DD seems completely unable to play or even be in a room on her own. The constant demand for stimulation and entertaining is exhausting. As DD is an only child, she is used to a lot of attention from DH and me, and we have always offered her a lot of outings and interesting things to do eg trips to library, zoo, museums etc. But there are times at home when it would be nice if she were less demanding of our constant attention.

So, am I expecting too much to expect her to play on her own for about half an hour at a time intermittently throughout the day? Is this just unrealistic for a 3yo? If not, how might I encourage more independent play? What do you expect from YOUR 3yo?

I think that children are different - mine are 6.4 and 4.6 and have always been pretty good at playing on their own but I think that is just their nature.

I have a friend with a 4.6 year old who sounds similar to your DD - she constantly seems to need others around, not necessarily to do things with but to be there. Her mum fairly recently started doing a star chart for having periods of time playing on her own (or with younger brother) and she is now managing to have up to 30 min where she isn't disturbed, but it has taken a while.

I hope she does start playing more on her own soon for your sake .

My 3 yo DS is exactly the same, as is his 5 yo sister!! I haven't found anything that encourages them to play by themselves yet unfortunately but I DO refuse to play with them ALL day long. I try and do it in a quite structured way with DS as he likes routine. So we get in from taking DD to school and I play with him for a bit but tell him that once we've finished our game I'll be doing some housework. Then I do housework for a bit (usually with him hanging around me either chatting or whinging!) after which I play with him again. Like I say, this hasn't yet worked in that he hasn't started playing by himself but it keeps me sane!

So, in answer to your question, I do think it's realistic to expect a 3 yo to entertain themselves but have no idea how to achieve this

My 3 year old has an older sibling, but on the days when the big brother is at school and the three year old isn't, he basically has my full attention. However, this means talking, and getting crayons out. I Do Not Play With Wheeled Toys. My children know this.

My dd1 was like this- always wanting me to do art projects etc with her. She is still the most demanding of my three, but since she has started school/ learned to read/ use the computer she has been MUCH better! Hang on in there!

But no, I don't think it's being unrealistic! I used to start her off on a drawing project or something, then drift off and encourage her to come to me with the results. Sometimes worked for a little while!

I think it's an individual child thing. My 4 yr old has to have constant attention, she will physically pull you to play with her.
My DD2 is 2 and while she will play with you quite happily she often disappears to sit under the dining table with some toys or play in the tent thing on her own and gets cross if you try and follow her/play with her.

I have a 3.7 year old dd (an only) and she is mostly pretty good at entertaining herself, and has been for quite some time. She is currently constructing a train from a whole load of cushions and short toys downstairs.

As other posters have said, I think there is an element of personality in whether children do this 'naturally' or not - but you can def encourage it. DH and I have done quite a lot of encouraging it for ages, by telling her that we are busy reading the paper (!)/magazine/cooking and we cannot play just now. If you are consistent, then hopefully she will gradually develop the habit....?

Can she be drawing/playing/painting whatever in the kitchen while you do stuff like make the tea? You can chat then without having to actually 'play' (which is DULL)

DD is just over 3 and is good at playing by herself - the kind of thing that keeps her attention - drawing, puzzles, play kitchen, she also has a little pop up tent (its actually a pop up goal but works just as well) and she camps out in there with assorted toys, but I keep a couple of toys out of general reach for when I need to keep her amused - one is a garage with lots of cars and the other is a toy which pops up when you push little flags into it.
But, one thing I would say is to say 'no' sometimes to constant demands for attention, or to explain that you're doing something else and will play in 5 minutes time.

My dd 3.7, pretty relentless at demanding for play individually from myself or DP, which we have only started not giving into all the time, but will compromise ... Find if I do colouring or jigsaw, spend 20 minutes or so engaging and chatting whilst doing this, I get to go away for half hour.

Have started instigating play by saying are you ready to do another colouring, jig saw or whatever she wants, this is minimising her need to constantly ask ....

She is in pre school five days a week, starting school in september but I have seen a huge improvement in this demanding relentless need to have you doing stuff with them.

My 3 year old is the same. She is the youngest of 3 girls but the older 2 are out at school all day. I tell myself it won't be forever and try and make the most of it while she still wants me around! I play with her for a while at home and she'll watch a bit of cbeebies if I have jobs to do.

I found with my older 2, a real turning point was when they learnt to read. They're bboth keen readers and now will occupy themselves for ages with books. I'm hoping dd3 will go the same way! Very frustrating in the meantime though!

no you're not expecting too much but maybe she misses you as she's at preschool every morning? and just wants to be around you?

I wish my 3 year old would play and interact with me a bit more. she's fiercely independent, youngest of 3.

This is driving me mad too.

Mainly because I was very smug just a few months ago. My nrly 3 yr old DS played really really well on his own. WAs very independant and I used to love how he could amuse himself for ages with the simplist of thing ie. walking round the house for up to an hour twiddling the blades round on his helicopter - bliss.

Now I have a 15 week old DD and I can't even go for a poo!! .

He is very clingy (understandibly) but wants me to sit and play cars ALL day and gets very upset when I don't.

Damn right we can expect it - we just can't get it!

Campaspe my dd is also an only child and exactly the same age as yours and I don't think you're expecting too much at all, but think it may well be a personality thing? Mine is strong-willed (ahem, bossy) and luckily not clingy, but v. independent about eg going to the loo on her own, and with a bit of encouragement will sit there doing sticker books or drawing for quite a while. But I am hardcore and mean and have to work from home (sometimes when she's around) so I do have to say 'mummy is busy' quite a lot. Plus there is the electric babysitter - she's totally into her dvds and happily sits through toy story etc.

DS1 is the same - he very rarely occupies himself, and it is harder now we have DS2. For us, I wonder whether it is because he went to a CM from about 7 months - he got very used to always having someone to play with. He is at pre-school now, and apparently will play independently for short periods there - just not at home!

I know lots of people with DC's the same age who will entertain themselves, so I don't think it is unrealistic generally - just for us!!

my DD is 3.0
she will play by herself for 30mins or so, but as and when it suit her (eg when we are in a hurry to leave the house) and not as and when it suits me (washing up needs doing).