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Parenting

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Original poster

teenage daughter and tatoo

43 replies

ladygaga1 · 27/03/2010 09:45

i'm upset to discover my 18 year old daughter has had a substantial tatoo on her leg. she doesn't know that i know yet, not going to say anything just yet, if at all. i'm disappointed as we have had lots of discussions and i knew she'd do it one day so have tried to encourage a small tatoo that
can be hidden.... but no it has to be a right in the face one. Comments?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Maggie00 · 27/03/2010 17:48

do you have a tattoo CT?!

coldtits · 27/03/2010 17:58

Why is my tattoo status relevant?

Maggie00 · 27/03/2010 18:07

I suppose if you have one yourself it would be insulting to think of people devastated at the thought of their daughter getting one. If you choose to do it, then you don't think it's a bad idea.

I think you are supposed to be 18 before a tattooist can legally give you a tattoo. So 18 is the youngest you can possibly be. Do all 18 year olds understand that they are going to be 30 one day? It's completely unfathomable to most 18 year olds.

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coldtits · 27/03/2010 18:12

no, of course they don't.

But

I have great difficulty with the idea that I am going to be 50 one day. Should my right to decide what to do with my body be taken away until I can prove without doubt that I will not regret it when I'm 50?

coldtits · 27/03/2010 18:13

I see your point about being insulted about people objecting to tattoos, but actually I don't have any. My objection is not with people disliking tattoos, my objection is with someone trying to treat an adult like a child.

TrillianAstra · 27/03/2010 18:19

Do as Pixie says - she has done something perfectly legal and it doesn't hurt anyone.

By PixieOnaLeaf Sat 27-Mar-10 10:49:01
Just think that there are much worse things that she can do.

It is her body and she has done it legally. When she finally gets round to telling you, or notices that you have noticed, ask her whether she got it done somewhere clean and legal, and praise her if she did - if she thinks that you are OK with it and just care about her, then she is far more likely to confide in you in the future.

RustyBear · 27/03/2010 18:22

My DD respects my opinions, but that doesn't mean she always does what I want or advise.

The only absolute rule I have when she's home from university is that she doesn't smoke in the house or eat my chocolate

I expect her to inform me whether or not she is eating/sleeping at home on any particular day and to act with normal consideration, which she does. The only areas in which I expect to 'control' her behaviour are those where it affects the rest of the family, otherwise I would hope to have the influence upon her of a loved and respected adult.

When she had her first tattoo she reassured me that she'd had it done at a reputable place & that she was looking after it as it healed - there wasn't really a lot of point me saying anything, as she was well aware of my views, and perfectly entitled to disregard them. She did make sure that that tattoo, and her second, much larger, one on her back were where they were easily covered if necessary, which may have been the result of my advice, or may not...

Maggie00 · 27/03/2010 18:45

When I was 19 I would strongly have advised an 18 year old sister against getting a tattoo. It's not about trying to control another adult, or dictating to them. It's recognition of the fact that the vast majority of people who get a tattoo come to regret it.

2old4thislark · 27/03/2010 19:20

My daughter always promised that when she had a tattoo it would be discreet and hidden so I didn't kick up a fuss. She had a HUGE tattoo across her lower back which luckily I don't see. But's it's really not pretty. She has since had one done on her ankle and some butterflies on her wrist . Not to mention, countless piercings!

I really don't like them and think she may regret them but I no longer say anything.

She admits she went through this phase as she wasn't happy about other aspects of her appearance so she did it to deflect from this.

She holds down a good job and is responsible so I can't complain.

You'll get used to it - try not to react as she may have more done just to provoke a reaction.

ScreaminEagle · 27/03/2010 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

imnotadaughter · 27/03/2010 19:51

well she is 18 she´s grown up now she can decide for herself tell her that you know it but don´t be too hard tell her its ok and that she can do what she wants with her body now if you don´t like the tatoo tell her but don´t tell her `get that of your leg´ and stuff like that that will just make her feel more guilty than she is tell her she could have just told you i hope it will get well

fortyplus · 27/03/2010 23:17

coldtits I certainly wouldn't want to share living space with anyone who didn't understand the difference between having regard for someone else's opinions and being dictated to!

maryz · 27/03/2010 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ladygaga1 · 28/03/2010 11:45

love all these comments. somehow it has helped. have never dictated to my DD what she does, only tried to give advice as an older and more experienced human being.Yes i am upset re the tatoo, but it's done now and she will have to live with it. only time will tell if she regrets her decision.

OP posts:

izzybiz · 28/03/2010 18:52

Why oh dear at my comment tatoo "sort"?

I meant some people like that sort of thing, some dont, I am a tattoo sort myself I just dont like the ones I had done when I was a teenager.

petisa · 28/03/2010 22:52

My dp is a tattoo artist with his own studio, he's covered in tattoos and I'm in the process of getting one whole arm tattooed (I'm 33) and plan to get the other one done and most of my back. So it's fair to say I like tattoos

But when people ask me when I'd be ok with dd getting her first tattoo I say when she's 30

I'm joking of course, but I do understand how the OP feels, because even though you're an adult when you're 18 and can do what you like (as long as it's legal), many 18-year olds are unlikely to get a tattoo they'll like when they're 30 or 40 or 50.... They might get something that's a fashion at the moment but that will look tacky to them in the future. Or they might get it on their lovely young flat tummy, only to regret it after having babies. An advantage to getting a tattoo on your lower leg OP is that it's a part of your body that doesn't go saggy, at least!

And a big tattoo IF it's well done looks better than a small one, which mostly just looks like a stupid sticker.

Even if you hate it OP it's just a drawing at the end of the day, as others have said she could be doing much worse, and even if she hates it later she could get it covered with a nicer tattoo (which atm works MUCH better than laser treatment) and at least it'll being back memories of being a rebellious young thing! It will be annoying for you to have to listen to her moaning about how much she hates it though, if she ends up hating it that is. Maybe she'll love it for a long long time...

Triggles · 29/03/2010 20:33

I have to think that if my 23yo DD decided to get a tattoo (now or when she was 18), I wouldn't be thrilled, but putting it into perspective - there are so many other things that could impact her life more than a tattoo. Like pregnancy, marriage, drinking, drugs, smoking.....

I'm not keen on it, but it's her body, her choice. If she asked my opinion, I'd probably point out a few things such as:

it's permanent (sounds silly, but what will that cool tat look like on her when she's 50?)

make sure it's not something faddish that will be grossly regrettable years from now (simple and small is probably a good start)

make certain that wherever you have it on your body, you're either putting it in a place you can cover it for work easily, or prepared for everyone to always be able to see it (including potential employers)

if you definitely want to get it, make sure you go somewhere safe and clean!

I think it's important to keep this in perspective. A tattoo (IMO) is a small thing, maybe a nuisance, but not much of one to me.

CocoChantelle · 29/03/2010 22:42

Message deleted

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