The first week with your new baby - survival tips needed!

[Carriel]

Thanks to all who contribute to the tips for partners in the first week - it's going to be such a useful and entertaining read. Thought it was worth having a separate thread though on making it, physically and emotionally through the first week of new motherhood, all that baby blues and sheer exhaustion and wonderment stuff. All advice, tips, coping strategies most welcome...

Is it day two when you cry all day? I certainlty did!

You WILL cry and cry and cry over something during that first week. Warn your partner about this beforehand and tell him you just need a hug and reassurance that you are/will be the best mother who ever lived (also a tip for partners I think - my dh looked v startled when I sobbed so much I think he thought I was going to have a fit). If the baby won't stop cryiing, go out. Dummies are not the work of the devil. Have a big glass of red wine every night!

Even if you don't normally do it, make sure the freezer is stocked with really appetising, quick ready meals for you, dp and any other children. Also have a good stock of your favourite soft drinks and sweet treats in. If your baby arrived unexpectedly, get a friend/family member to shop for you.
If you don't have a dishwasher, get paper plates.
Invest in 1571 or an answerphone if you haven't already. Then you can screen calls.
Have a notice saying "mother & new baby asleep" for the front door and tip your postie off in advance so he/she knows not to hammer on the door at 11am.
Sorry, these aren't entertaining, but I wish I'd known some of them first time round.

I didn't cry all day til day 7! Or maybe it was day 14.

Anyway, the best thing anyone told me was to minimise housework:

• prepare meals in advance that can be stuck in the microwave (or stock up on microwave means and takeaway menus);

• if you can stand it just leave the washing up, or buy paper plates ;

• if you need people to talk to (as I did), don't wait for them to call you - many will assume you don't want to be disturbed.

Ask your dh to take the baby with him when he goes to the supermarket. You get a little rest and the baby will sleep all the way round. Oh, and while the baby's still in it's sleepy phase (if it is...) go out for lunch or dinner together as a couple with baby snoozing in pushchair/car seat so you can remember that there's some of your old life left.

Oh yes - and it turns out that dummies are in fact the greatest invention of all time.

You beat me to my tips, Marina!

Beware exploding boobs, day 3, I couldn't work out why, even though I dried myself over and over after a bath, why my feet were still wet! Because my boobs were dripping milk all over them!

And on that note, get in a BIG supply of disposable breast pads as you'll be changing all the time. Washables are great when the supply has settled down.

Don't try to be wonderwoman and immediatley try to do everything around the house (as I tried to do) Don't feel guilty if you don't get dressed all day. In fact I wished I stayed in my PJ's for the first couple of days and really concentrated on getting to know my baby.

The large glass of red wine is a superb idea!

Agree with Lucy 123, I also liked to talk to people and found they often didn't call because they didn't want to disturb me, I think this is unusual. Maybe they just don't like me...aargh.

I'm with Aloha and Lucy and actually felt a little neglected when DS was born. I guess its just a case of making your preferences known.

If a really good friend, or better still your Mum cna baby-sit don't feel bad / guilty etc about going out for a local curry or to the pub. You only need to be gone a hour or so and it'll help you feel human again! That sounds awful the human bit but hopefully you'll know what I mean!

Also agree about the food thing. I spent the last part of my pregancy making casseroles and bolognese sauses, chilli con carne's that sort of thing and it was fab.

Just thought of another..........whenever you sit down for a breast feed, have a big glass of water,remote control, cordless phone a tissues right next to you. Saves unsettling eveything for something small.

When feeding, have every single mail order catalogue you own positioned strategically around you - bubba in one arm, pen in the other and shop! Retail therapy stimulates milk production - honest!

sleep when it sleeps!
you will regret not doing so when you Have baby number 2 and cant because of your toddler..

If it's your second or subsequent, when you sit down to feed, get the older sibling to fetch a story to read. I'm convinced ds never had as many stories in his life as when I was breastfeeding dd

start keeping a diary - your feelings if you're into that or just sleeping/feeding times etc if you're not. Then when you're going beserk later you can see that the little darling always has the abdabs at 4pm and you won't feel so bad. Or was that just me

Tell people to bring a pressie for you not the kid - a voucher for a facial is much more welcome in my house than another pink babygro

If you've got folks travelling from a distance to see the new arrival, either get them to visit you in the hospital if you're in one, or wait until the little one is a few weeks old to visit you at home. Learnt by bitter experience that hosting a minor family reunion (his, not mine, even worse) with a 5 day old baby is very bad for the baby blues...

We had two parties, one for family and another the next week for friends. We issued invitations "The Sluglet will be avaliable for viewing on Saturday between 1 and 3pm" or something like that. It worked very well as there was a defined time when people knew they were expected to leave, we got it all over in two sessions, and during one of them I snuck off and had a half hour kip secure in the knowledge that there were plenty of broody women around just dying to change a nappy!

Train your DH to say to his parents "she's very tired, goodnight" before they've sat there coo-ing at the baby for 3 HOURS the first night home..... no kidding

(or better still, no she's not up to visitors this evening, call back on Saturday morning... oh I wish)

We "allowed" the new grandparents to visit once in the first week and banned everyone else until week 3. Actually, with DS1 the new grandparents visited twice - once (briefly!) before we left hospital when DS1 was 1 day old and then once when we got home.

The best advice I got was from a neighbour with 5 kids who said she made a point of staying in her pyjamas for the first week after giving birth. It reminds everyone what you've been through & that baby was not delivered one morning with the milk. I tried this with my second child and found it works.

As someone who's just gone through it:

Eat properly (my dp was great at making me do this). It's really tempting when you're knackered and been feeding all night just to crash and not have any food - but if you do, your blood sugar will plummet and you'll just feel worse IME.

Don't worry too much if you don't feel awash with love. You've gone through so much, physically and emotionally - it's natural to feel shattered!

If stitches or tears go on giving you serious pain, ask to have them checked. My brilliant midwife had no hesitation prescribing antibiotics for a possible infection (even though she couldn't spot an obvious one) and also, when I requested, stronger painkillers - both of which did the trick in a couple of days (so I clearly did have some sort of infection).

Do not obsess too dismally about the state of your post-natal body. Statistically, it is quite possible that somebody some time will find you attractive again. (Or that's what I'm hoping...)