I can't cope with my baby

[WilloughbyWallaby]

DD is 8 weeks and I'm quickly reaching the end of my tether. Last night she woke up every 45mins/hour (the night before was better, she woke at 12, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, but that was still horrendous) and won't nap long enough in the day for me to eat/do a bit of housework/go outside to stay sane as well as sleep. So all in all I'm pretty much running on empty. Today she has been really grumpy and I've found myself thinking, far more often than I'd like to admit, that I wish someone could come and take her away.

It's affecting my relationship with DH (I am cranky and oversensitive, we have massive rows and he doesn't understand how down I am getting) and I feel like I'm going mad.

I've got lots of supportive family and friends, DH is great too, but I still feel like I can't cope.

What can I do?

my little one slept through from 6 weeks, so it will pass!

you need to identify what is keeping the baby up? is it hunger, colic or restlessness?

do you breastfeed? i fould my little one slept much longer on formula as it would fill him up a bit more, also if it is hunger your baby is waking up with its worth having feed ready and one of those clever bottle heaters so it only takes seconds to prepare

good luck

ps
i also found fresh air helps with sleep, this may sound funny but if i couldnt find time to go out for a walk i would wrapp dd up and open windows or if you have garden even better! it really helps with sleep at night!

DD1 was like that. It was a nightmare.
I would try and extend the time between feeds with DD2 by always asking myself why she might be crying. If she had recently fed I would consider if she might be tired or wet. Then if nothing obvious was up I would do different things just to extend the time- joggling, time in the sling, being carried around looking at things, going out in the garden for a change etc. I based my feeds roughly on Gina Ford's timings.

i really feel for you. i'm guessing this is your first baby? everyone is right - it does pass. it feels terrible and the exhaustion is unbearable. worse with your first i think because you're not used to it.

i have 5 children. 4 of them slept with me until they were about 8 months (got one in with me at moment) and demand fed and it worked well. one of them never settled properly next to me and would only sleep if attached to my chest - and then only for 30 minutes before dropping off and crying. after 12 weeks of no sleep i did the gina ford plan. am i allowed to mention it on mumsnet?! i've never been a routine sort of person at all but it worked for him amazingly well. i adapted it a little. i think the big difference was putting him in a cot in the dark to sleep in the day and making sure he slept for long enough to not be too tired to feed well. and no co-sleeping. funnily enough, even now (as a 7 year old) he likes going in his own bed, will never ever come into our bed and can't sleep unless it's silent/dark/calm. maybe your baby is woken by you and would be better in a cot in silence. just a thought.

my current baby is teething and i'm not getting much sleep - i try to just put one foot in front of the other and keep going and not get stressed about it. before you know where you are they're at school....

You need to sleep - even an hour or two will make it seem better. My ds is 6 weeks and at times I feel as you describe BUT I take people up on offers to look after him (eg my friend came round today, brought yummy lunch and then sat with him for 3 hours while I slept) and dh does one or two nights at weekend (easier because he's ff). The main thing is not to be a hero - if you're lucky enough to have supportive friends and family around use the support.

Everyone says it gets better so it must! My dh says he doesn't want anymore kids and I bet 90% of people feel like that in early days of dc1 but most do it again (hoping he's one of them in a couple of years!!)

hang on in there - as my MIL tells me 'this too will pass'

oh and by a year or so most people are thinking about another - it will come round very soon!

Thank you all so much for the suggestions, last night DH took her for 4 hours so I'm feeling a million times better.

I'm doing everything you're 'supposed' to do, sling during the day, lots of fresh air for her, demand feeding during the night. I think Stewierocks is right, as 8 weeks she's starting to learn to reach out and grab things, so that could be a factor as she was starting to get better about a week and a half ago, then just regressed again.

I'll definitely try Cranial Osteopothy too, thanks. I think it just helps knowing that I'm not the only one!

Hi - haven't read the whole thread but in case noone's said this yet - have you tried putting her in a sling? My 8 week old sleeps best by far in the sling. It is knackering but at least it allows you to do stuff and your baby can catch up on her sleep. Being overtired makes it harder for babies/kids to sleep IME. I use a wrap sling that keeps her tight against my chest and she loves it.

hi willoughbywallaby - gosh you sound like you are having a hard time!

everyone told me that at 3 months everything would get easier. i didnt beleive them but sometime after new year i remember suddendly realising things had changed it it had all got so much easier - and guess what? dd was 3 months on 10/01. so hang in there

meanwhile i know this is going against the grain but if your baby sleeps every time you put her in the sling dont overuse it because it will build an erratic sleep pattern.

i wouldn't go down the gina ford route but i did get tracy hogg (baby whisperer) out of the library. her EASY routine didn't work for me but one thing i got from the book that really helped was 'watching for sleep cues' they are things like thumb sucking, yawning, and trying to rub thier eyes. i started watching dd like a hawk for these and then tried to put her down striaght away. this really worked for me and hey presto dd will sleep twice if not 3 times during the day.

also....i had real problems getting dd to nap during the day when she had a moses basket in our bedroom. it eas near impossible. i moved her into her cot in her bedroom at 3 months (which killed me!) but like magic it worked.

really hope things improve xx

Repeat this mantra, "it will get better, it will get better", DD was also a horrendous sleeper, I also cried and panicked every time DH went to work (and he worked long, crappy hours) and sleep deprivation is absolutely torturous. So you are very much not alone. DH and I also had huge rows as he got to lead a "normal" life working and having drinks when he was finished whilst I was at home with DD all day/night. But he needs to realise how unbelievably difficult coping with a newborn is.

If you have anyone who can take DC off your hands for a couple of hours or so then grab the opportunity with both hands, don't feel guilty for doing it as I did (and hence never really did it) as desperate times call for desperate measures. And friends/relatives would most likely love to to spend some time with the little one (they can give her back at the end )

Someone mentioned swaddling blankets, and I completely agree - one of the only things DD responded to, you may feel like you're putting her into a straight jacket, but they seem to love it (makes them feel secure and stops the moro reflex from waking them up).

My god, a night nurse, that would have felt like winning the lottery! If only, but if you have the resources then why not!

BTW - DD has now slept through the night (except for the last 2 due to being ill ) since she was about 10 months.

Oh God I could have written this post myself with my first baby. I remember exactly how it feels.

My mum stayed over a lot and one night said she found me rocking as I sat in bed holding the baby in her blanket...except the baby was asleep in her moses basket...

I am on DC3 now and it honestly will start to get better. I know sometimes I found it hard to come to terms with the way my life had changed, I felt trapped, I couldn't see any end to it. Nothing can prepare you for the utter bone-wrenching tiredness that you go through when babies have difficulty settling.

I even felt like "what's the bloody point of going to bed when I'm just going to be awake all night???"

All this sound familiar??

If you can possibly afford it get a night nurse. Even if it's just one or two nights a week it's someone to help, try to settle her between feeds and enable both of you to get a few hours sleep.
Swaddling really helped my DCs. I used a dummy during the day to try to get some break between feeds, take up any and all offers of help!

We all feel your pain, just take it one day at a time. x

Its awful isn't it. By 8 weeks, I could happily have handed her over to social services in exchange for a good nights sleep. Its why the US military use sleep deprivation as a form of torture.

It does get better. Hang in there. Use any offers of help, and if you need to see your health visitor or GP, because its a really easy time to get depressed.

its utterly normal, my ds was the worst sleeper in the world, i was exhausted all the time, my dh worked 16 hours a day every day/night. i was on my own. but you do get through it. get yourself plenty of easy meals, don't try to do too much, go to bed at 7 o clock.
we are still co sleeping a 2 years, he still doesn't sleep through, but you get used to it, honestly.. i remember just wandering around the streets crying at that stage.